Thursday Page #3

I don't even know what I'd

do with you once you were dead.

But I can't just let you go.

So,

I have a dilemma.

- [ Sighs ]

- "[ Doorbell Chimes ]"

What time is it?

F***.

[ Doorbell Chiming ]

[ "Chiming" ]

Just a minute.

[ "Chiming" ]

Hello.

Mr. Wells.

Dr.Jarvis, so good

to see you again.

Nice to see you, too.

Won't you come in?

Sorry about that.

I-I couldn't find

the key to the door.

- I didn't hear it unlock.

- Oh, that's right.

I didn't find it.

Um, right this way.

So, Mr. Wells, you and your wife...

would like to adopt the baby.

- Yes, sir. that's right.

- Okay.

Now, you understand the next step

in the adoption proceedings?

Um, yes. We are to be

individually evaluated.

Yes. that's right.

That's why I'm here.

Uh, your wife, of course,

has already completed

her evaluation.

She's an extraordinary woman.

Absolutely extraordinary woman.

- Um, shall we begin?

- Sure. yeah. One thing--

Weren't we already evaluated

at the previous screening?

No. that was just

the initial consultation.

This is the individual

competency test.

Do you have a problem

with that, Mr. Wells?

No... not really.

Good. Then we can get started.

And what are your

qualifications, Dr.Jarvis?

"Are you an M.D.", "uh--"

Are you nervous, Mr. Wells?

No.

Why?

Because what you're doing

is this thing...

called conversational

transference.

Simply means

that you're trying to evade...

answering my question

"by answering me" with "questions."

It's something that's

usually indulged in...

by individuals

who are trying to hide something.

You trying to hide

something from me, Mr. Wells?

- No.

- "Good."

- Do you currently use drugs?

- No.

Not even Tylenol?

Some... sure.

- Any history of drug use?

- Uh...

A little, I guess.

About as much as anyone

who goes to college.

''Justification of drug use.''

How about alcohol?

An occasional beer.

You ever been incarcerated

or institutionalized?

- No.

- "Any history of mental illness?"

- No.

- You know, there's something

that's very troubling to me.

There's a gap of two,

two and a half years.

I mean--

- "It occurs", "like", "five years ago."

- Yeah.

Can I get you,

uh, some iced tea?

- No. No, thank you.

- I'm a little dry.

- Do you mind?

- Oh, no. please, go.

I asked because

your wife was very vague...

about what you might

have been doing...

and I was hoping

you might be able...

to shed a little bit

of light on it for me.

Uh, I was in L.A.

Yes. that's just

what your wife said.

Could you be a little bit

more specific, though?

Oh, well...

I-I was doing some odd jobs...

"and this and that", "you know?"

"No", "I" don't "know."

Could you elaborate?

Well, I did work

as a mechanic for a while.

Oh, you mean like

for a body shop?

No. I mean like

in a performance shop.

- Perf--

- Well, exotics and, uh, rally cars.

Oh. Uh-huh.

You know, I've changed my mind.

I think I would

like some iced tea.

I'm sorry.

We're all out of iced tea.

How about a beer?

Yeah--

- You don't have anything else?

- No.

No. I don't.

This is-- This is just about

all that-- all that I have.

Chris has been a little busy.

I'm-I'm sorry, Dr.Jarvis.

What-What were you saying?

Oh, I was just asking

if you remember the name

Uh, Bubba's.

''Bubba's''?

Bubba's...

Big... Block... Shop.

Do you have

a number for Bubba's?

[ "Banging" ]

No. No, they're,

uh, out of business.

[ "Banging" ]

Could you excuse me...

for just a second?

- [ "Banging" ]

- My cat... must have got in--

got into the garage...

and I'll be... be right back.

See these?

Got any idea what

I can do with these?

- Mm-hmm.

- Somehow, I just don't believe you.

Besides, that'd just

make a lot of noise.

Sorry about that, Dr.Jarvis.

[ Tires Screeching ]

- So, where were we?

- I was asking you about L.A.

- Oh, yeah.

- "[ Doorbell Rings ]"

Wow, I apologize.

This never happens.

Can I help you?

''May I.''

All right...

may I help you?

- So, you're Casey?

- That's right.

I'm a friend of Nick's.

I'll bet you are.

May I come in?

- Nick's not here right now.

- I'll wait.

- I'm a little busy.

- Well, I'll be real quiet.

Look, lady, I just told you.

I'm a little busy!

It's quite all right.

I would enjoy speaking

She's not my friend.

I don't know who the f*** she is.

Uh, hi.

I am Dallas.

No. don't bother

introducing yourself

- [ "Mooing" ]

- What is that?

"That" is my phone.

Aren't you going to answer it?

Yeah. I'm going to answer it.

- [ "Mooing Continues" ]

- Where's your cordless?

You doing a survey?

I had one.

I broke it.

- In anger?

- Yeah.

I mean, no.

Can you give me, uh,

just a second?

- Don't sit down.

- [ Mooing ]

- Hello. Nick.

- Case.

You get the f***

back here right now.

No. I got myself

in a little trouble, Case.

You, my friend,

are in a lot more trouble

- Yalie, huh?

I'm a Vassar gal myself.

- What was your major?

- Poly-scI and philosophy. You mind?

[ Sighs ]

Casey's got to be

real f***ed up...

if you're making

a house call.

I'm beginning

to think so, yes.

Some Jamaican showed up here,

and he tried to kill me.

And now one of your bimbos

is sitting in my living room!

- Bimbo?

- Some b*tch named Dallas.

Tell me, you're not

one of those, uh...

Freudian sub-intellectuals

who waste all their time...

fixating on penis envy?

Well, sex is a prime motivator.

I mean, indirectly,

I believe sex...

is behind most of our major

thought processes.

- You think so?

- Absolutely.

- Do you like pornos?

- Excuse me?

You know, pornos.

F*** films.

Surely you've heard stories.

Yes. I've heard stories,

but I've never-- never really

given them that much thought.

I love them,

especially fag flicks.

Their big c*cks sliding in

and out of each other.

F***, that gets me so wet

they have to steam clean

In fact,

[ Moans ]

I'm getting wet

just talking about it.

- What aren't you telling me, Nick?

- Nothing, Case.

-Just don't give her my sh*t.

- Don't worry. I don't have it.

- You give it to the Jamaican?

- No.

- I flushed it down the sink.

- What?

I went on as a day player

on this porn film in L.A.

Just to see

what it was like, right?

So, I spent five hours with this guy

ramming his dick up my ass...

and these two women

licking my clit.

"Not what you'd expect",

though. It's just acting.

I mean, at first, it was great.

Then you have some prick director

that comes over and yells

and some queen makeup artist

that comes over every

to touch up the makeup that's

been slobbered off your tits.

So you don't really

have a chance to enjoy it.

Finally, I just walked off the set.

Cool experience, though.

You got a hard-on,Jarv?

[ Casey ]

All right

- Time to go.

- "[ Phone Mooing ]"

Your cow is calling you.

- I am so sorry, Dr.Jarvis.

- Oh, no. Please, take your time.

[ Mouthing Words ]

You get the f*** out of my house.

- "[ Mooing Continues ]"

- Did you say you were from L.A.?

- What?

- [ Christine ] What?

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