Time Bandits Page #2

It's very funny.

The Three ldiots...

uh, from Latvia.

It's a very funny act.They swallow brushes.

No, no !They're all freaks !

Not one of themunder five-foot-six.

What kind of theaterare you running, huh ?

I'm sorry, sir, but--

No, no.More of the funny show,

the little puppetshitting each other.

That's what I like !Little things hitting each other !

Come on.

Psst.

- Huh ?- Play something like this.

Tsk. Hmm.

# Like the wallpapersticks to the wall #

# Like the seashoresticks to the sea #

# Like you neverget rid of your shadow #

# Boy, you didn'tget rid of me #

# Me #

# And my shadow #

# Strolling down the avenue #

# Avenue, avenue, avenue #

# Me #

# And my shadow #

- # Not a soul to tell our troubles to #- Please let go !

- # We stick together like glue #

# And when it's 12:00 #

# We climb the stair #

# We never, never knock #

# 'Cause nobody's there-- #

# Me and my shadow #

# Feeling blue ##

Well, what do you think ?

Marvelous show.

Young man, you stick with these boys,you have a great future.

You know, you arethe best thing...

to happen to mesince this whole campaign.

You know, I cometo conquer ltaly...

because I thought theywere all small, you know ?

I heard they wasreally tiny guys.

Sir, I really think thereare more important things--

Shut up !

Don't you dare to tell memy business.

You are dismissed, you hear ?You, Lucien, the rest of you.

Great streaks of misery.

- But sir--- No !

I'm going to havesome new generals for a bit.

Alexander the Great...

five feet exactly.

Isn't that incredible ?

Alexander the Great, whose empirestretched from lndia to Hungary--

One inch shorter than me.

Oliver Cromwell...

the only man with any gutsin British history--

Not a big man at all.

Louis IV, 5' 21/2".

Charlemagne...

a dumpy little five-footer.

- Squatty little chap.

Attila the Hun, 5' 11/2".

Cyrano de Bergerac,5' 31/2".

Tamburlaine the Great,four-foot-nine...

and three quarters.

Wasn't he interesting ?

Strutter, wake up.Wake up.

According to this map, there's a timehole outside. See if you can find it.

- Right.- The rest of you, the holedisappears at 12:00, right ?

So let's get moving.

Vermin, Fidgit,the tapestry.

Hey, that's 16th century !It's nice, isn't it ?

Get it !

Okay.

We're rich !We're rich !

Ten-hut !

- Come on. We've got 30 seconds left.- You found the time hole ?

- Yes.- Let's go.

- Come on, Kevin.

Ten-hut !

About turn !

- Stop !- Go !

Thieves !After them !

- Follow them !

Oh, Sir Vincent,you came for me !

Oh, Good Mistress Pansy,I could not have ridden faster.

Four horses have I exhaustedthis day from Nottingham.

Oh, the way you leapt to my chamber,so full of... manliness.

I could scarce restrainthe rushing of my feet.

These 12 long years have beenlike chains that bound me.

Oh. And the personalproblem ?

- Much, much better.- Ohhh.

And now we will ride full tilt to Dover,and there embark for France.

Oh, you don't haveto wear the special--

No, no, I don't have to wearthe special-- anymore.

Oh, Pansy.No more worries now, Pansy.

- Oh.- Oh.

- No. No.

- Hey !

- Quick ! Quick !- We did it !

- Your problem, Vincent.- Forget the problem. Get me the money.

- We did it ! We did it !

I told you. You stick with me,and you won't go far wrong.

Sometimes I almostbelieve you, Randall.

- Hey, where are we ?- Where are we ?

Why, it's obvious.We're, um--

Vincent, don'tworry about a thing.

I'm not worrying.

- Exactly--- In the Middle Ages.

Hmm... inthe Middle Ages.

Five-hundred years before the manwe just robbed was even born.

- Fantastic !- Try that one in a court of law.

Vermin, that is notmeant to be eaten.

You never knowuntil you've eaten it.

Is it always like thiswhen you've done a raid ?

I don't know.We've never done one before.

But I thought you wereinternational criminals.

Going to be.Going to be.

Yeah, going to be.Aren't we ? Going to be ?

Especially nowthat we've got you, Kevin.

Hang on. He's just a kid.He's not one of us.

He knows an awful lot.

Yeah, and he's biggerthan any of us.

- Do you really want to join us ?- Can we really go anywhere ?

You name it.If it's down here.

I don't understand.What's so special about that map ?

This map used to belongto the Supreme Being.

- You stole it ?- No. Well, sort of.

He used to be our employer.He made all the big stuff,

Iike good and evil,men and women, night and day.

And when He did trees and shrubs,we helped make all this.

Whew, that's not bad.

Yeah, and did we get a thimblefull of credit for it ?

No, all we got was the sack,just for creating the Pink Bunkadoo.

- Pink Bunkadoo ?- Yeah. Beautiful tree that was.

- Og designed it, didn't you ? Yeah.

Six-hundred feet high,bright red and smelled terrible.

As a disciplinary measure, we weresent down to the repairs department.

- What ?

You see, to be quite frank, the fabricof the universe is far from perfect.

It was a bit of a botched job.We only had seven days to make it.

And that's where this comes in.This is the only map of all the holes.

Well, why repair them ?Why not use them to get stinkin' rich ?

Yeah, stinkin' rich !

- Lads, here's to stinkin' rich !

Stinkin' rich.Stinkin' rich.

- And to Kevin !- Yeah, Kevin !

- Here's to Kevin !- Stinkin' Kevin !

Hey, hold it there.

- Smile.

- Hey, the map.- Yeah, the map. Don't forget the map.

Hey, come on ! Smile !

Help ! Robbers !

- Hey, that's us !- Someone's in trouble. Come on !

Grab the loot.

- It's a bit tight.

- Now, those are our sort of people.- Yeah !

Vincent ! Oh !Oh, dear !

- Help !- Come on.

Oh, Vincent,someone's coming.

- Help ! Help I say !

Oh, at last.Oh, I say !

I say, my fiance and I would appreciatea bit of assistance.

- Oh, no ! The problem, Pansy !- Oh ! Oh !

- It's started again ! Oh ! Oh !- Oh, don't worry, darling.

- I say !- I must have fruit !

- Where are we ?- We've lost them.

Come on.Don't be so wet.

- Hey !

What do we do now,Randall ?

Just leave this to me, Wally.We've just got to treat them right.

What do you want,you tatty-faced old scumbag ?

- What's your business, gob face ?- We're robbers !

- Villainous robbers ?- The worst.

- Stop at nothing ?- Nothing at all.

- Steal a cup outta a beggar's hands ?- Rather.

- The teeth from blind old ladies ?- Of course.

- Toys from children ?- Whenever we can.

Right.Let 'em down !

They always crackin the end.

Wow.

Listen, I've got a few ideasfor, uh, a linkup...

between your gangand our gang,

but I only wantto talk to the boss.

The boss ?

- The boss ?- That's right.

They serious ?

Ohhh.

All right ! Do it !

Anyone else wanna go ?

Come on, you weasels.

What's this ?

Lose yourself, leprechaun.

Move yourself, lad.

- That's disgusting !- Wait here ! I'll get him !

Hello. I-I'm Hood.

- It's Robin Hood.- Yeah.

- Say good morning, you scum.

Good morning, scum.

- Good morning.You're all robbers, then ?- The best, Mr. Hood.

Jolly good.And you're a robber, are you ?

Jolly good.

And do you enjoyrobbing, then ?

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