Time Bandits Page #3

Well, it helpspay the rent, sir.

Jolly good.

And you're a robber too ?How long have you been a robber ?

- Four-foot-one.- Good Lord !

- Jolly good. Four-foot-one ?- Yes.

Well, th-th-th-that isa long time, isn't it ?

Well now, I hear you've madea pretty good haul.

Well, see for yourself, sir.

Gosh ! I say !

Crikey ! I mean,I've been in robbing for years,

but I've never seenanything like this.

Crumbs ! And you acquiredall of this by yourselves ?

Well, it was a good day,Mr. Hood.

- Jolly good day !- It's nice, isn't it ?

Rather ! Well, I mean,what can I say ? Thank you.

Thank you allvery, very much indeed.

Oh, don't ment-- What ?

Well, I mean,it's frightfully kind of you.

The poor are going to beabsolutely thrilled.

- Have you met them ?- Who ? The poor ?

Oh, you must meet them.I just know you'll like them.

Of course, they haven'tgot two pennies to rub together.

- But that's because they're poor.

Uh, Marion, would you be so kindas to ask the poor to come in, please ?

- No problem.- Thank you so much.

- Right. Come on, you lot.- Let's just see what we've got.

This is going to beso much help in our work.

No, you don't understand.All this stuff is ours. We stole it.

Oh, yes, I know, and believe you me thepoor are going to be not just thrilled,

but also considerably less poor,aren't they, Redgrave ?

- You see ? What did he say ?

- He said, "Yeah, what withChristmas coming up and all."- Ah, jolly good.

Yes, well, there we are.Congratulations. Well done.

There we are. Well done.Congratulations.

Is that-- Is thatabsolutely necessary ?

- What did he say ?

- He says, yeah, he's afraid it is.- Ah, fine. Fine.

There we are, madam.Congratulations.

- Congratulations. Jolly good.- Thank you.

Incidentally, would any of you liketo stay on and help us with our work ?

There's still so much wealthto redistribute.

Oh, I'd like to stay.

Jolly good.What's your name ?

- Uh, Ke--- Ke-- What a jolly nice name.

- Let me go.- Well, never mind.

- Cheerio. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very, very,very, very much.

Awful people.

- This can't wait !- I'll never get a chanceto meet Robin Hood again.

- Any chance of a rescue ?- Stop moaning !

He's obviously a dangerous man.Unbalanced, if you ask me.

Giving awaywhat isn't even his !

That's what Robin Hoodalways did. Even I know that.

- Oh, of course. You know it all.- He was one of my heroes.

Heroes ! Heroes !What do they know about a day's work ?

- Leave him alone, Randall !- Well, it makes me sick.

Anyone who's always rightmakes me sick.

- That's why you get on with yourself !- Watch it !

- Big mouth !- Horseflesh wouldn'thave got us into this.

- Horseflesh is dead.- Then give me the map.I'm taking over !

Get off me ! Get--

So... these arethe sort of people...

the Supreme Beingallows to steal His map ?

Look at them.Stunted little proles.

I wouldn't entrust themto wipe their own noses.

Oh, no, sir. It's muchtoo difficult for them.

What sort of supreme beingcreated such riffraff ?

Is it not the workingsof a complete incompetent ?

But He created you,Evil One.

What did you say ?

Well, He created you,so He can't be totally--

Never talk to melike that again !

No one created me !I am Evil !

Evil existedlong before good.

I made myself.I cannot be unmade.

I am all-powerful !

Yeah.

But why,if that's the case,

are you unable to escapefrom this fortress ?

That's a good question.

Why have I let the Supreme Beingkeep me here...

in the Fortressof Ultimate Darkness ?

- Because you--- Oh, shut up.I'm speaking rhetorically.

- Of course.- I let Him keep me here...

in order to lull Himinto a false sense of security.

Ah, clever, clever.

When I have the map,I will be free...

and the world will be differentbecause I have understanding.

- Uh, understanding of what, master ?- Of digital watches.

Soon I shall have understanding of videocassette recorders and car telephones.

And when I have understanding of them,I shall have understanding of computers.

And when I have understanding ofcomputers, I shall be the Supreme Being.

God isn't interestedin technology.

He knows nothing of the potential of themicro-chip or the silicon revolution.

Look how He spends His time.Forty-three species of parrots !

- Nipples for men !- Slugs.

Slugs ! He created slugs.

They can't hear. They can't speak.They can't operate machinery.

Are we not in the handsof a lunatic ?

Sir... Iook !

If I were creating a world,I wouldn't mess aboutwith butterflies and daffodils.

I would have startedwith lasers, 8:00 day one.

- Sorry.

I just can't wait for a new tech--techno-- technological dawn.

Sir... Iook !

What is it, Benson ?

The map, sir. The map !They've brought it with them !

- What ?- I saw the map, master, just now.

- Are you sure ?- I'm sure, master.

Down there !The little one has it.

The little one ?

This is our chance.This is what we've been waiting for !

- It will set us free.- Shut up !

If you're wrong, Benson,my revenge will be slow and unpleasant.

I will turn you inside outover a very long period of time.

Oh, thank you, master.Thank you.

Now we must bait the hook,see if they bite...

and pull them in.

Stand by for mind control.

What about Babylon ?

- Who ?- It's a city of legendary wealth.

Ahh.

I've got a better idea.

Who said that ?

I've got an ideaforming in my head.

You haven't had an ideafor thousands of years.

There is a place where we could findthe greatest thing man could want,

the goal of everybody'shopes and dreams.

What the hellare you talking about ?

The most fabulousobject in the world.

- That sounds like a good idea.- Yeah.

They're hooked,the greedy little fish.

- Why do you alwayshave to go after money ?- Who's this ?

I don't know, master.I haven't seen him before.

He's stronger than the rest.Who is he ?

- I don't know.- I'm losing them.

Something's going on down there.We've lost them !

Randall, look, over there !

- We'd better move !- Don't rush me.

The forest !It's on fire !

It's raining,pudding head !

- Oh, no !- What is it ?

- It's Him !- It's Him !

Return the map.

- Make for the hole !- Where is it ?

It's over there.Quick ! Come on !

- Stop ! Return !- Hurry up !

Return what youhave stolen from me.

Return the map !

There are two holes, Randall.Which one ? Which one ?

Go, Kevin !Just get away !

Go ! Not that one !

Where did youcome from ? Huh ?

I'm not quite sure.

Who sent you ?The gods ?

Was it Zeus ?Apollo ?

Athena ?

Well, you're certainly a chattylittle fellow, aren't you ?

I don't believe it !

You don't believe what ?

I don't believethe way you killed him.

Yes. But ithas to be done sometimes.

No. I mean it wassuch a good shot.

I bet you've killedlots of people.

Well, the gods musthave given you a name.

Oh, yeah. Kevin.

Kevin ?

Well, Kevin,here, it's yours.

- What ?- You don't want it ?

Oh, yes, please.You mean I can really have it ?

Well, on condition that youcarry it back to the city for me.

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