Time Bandits Page #4

Oh, great. But no,I can't really.

I must wait. You see,I'm with friends.

You see, if I lose them,I may never be able to get back.

- Get back ? To where ?

I'm not really sure.

Here, you better take this.You'll need it. It's water.

There's enough there for your friends,too, if they ever turn up.

Oh, and by the way,thank you.

No. Please.I'd like to come, really.

No, no, please.I'd like to come.

Better ? No.

You saved my life.Remember ?

The enemy of the peopleis dead !

Hail King Agamemnon !

There's a man beingcut in half here.

It must have been a brilliant battle.Choo ! Choo !

All three are to receivesummary executions today.

If the queen wishes to see me,I'll be in the courts all afternoon.

Remind the queen thatI still rule this city.

I wish I'd beenin the Trojan Wars.

Will you teach mehow to sword fight ?

Come here. I'll teach yousomething much more useful.

- Where is it ?- There.

That one.

Kings aren't supposedto do things like that.

You know, I never, everwant to go back.

Don't you want to seeall your friends again ?

No, thanks.

To be in your own home, to bewith your own father and mother ?

No.

Very well, then.

- I can stay ?- We'll decide that tomorrow.

I have decreed that this boyshall remain here with us in our city.

Furthermore, he shallfrom this day forward be my own son...

and heir to the throneof Mycenae.

Let the banquet begin.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

a mastery miracle of modernmagic before your very eyes.

Abracadee, abracadoo !

- You're doing a great job.

If we can borrow thisfor a moment, sir.

Please give generouslyas my assistants pass amongst you.

Thank you very much.Thank you.

Come on. Come on.

- Now all we need is a volunteer.Yes, young man, you'll do fine.- No ! Please !

No ! Leave me !

Come on !Come on !

- No way !- May I ? The crown ?

Don't ! Help me !

Kevin, let's getout of here !

No ! Please, no !

Thank you.

- No ! Please !- Watch this !

We make a great team,don't we ?

Now !

- Alone, at last.- Isn't it glorious ?

Yes. I love the ocean.

God, how I, how I love her.

- She's so, so damn--- Wet ?

Wet. Yes. Yes.

So damn... damn... wet.

Pansy.Pansy, look at me.

- Yes, Vincent ?- Do you love me ?

- Of course, I love you.- You don't mind the, the thingon the end of my nose ?

- Oh, you mean your-- No, darling.- Yes, my--

Don't be silly.

Could you share a house witha chap who has a thing like thison the end of his nose ?

Of course, my love.Everyone has something odd about them.

- Why, I've got an enormous--- Pansy !

Pansy, I'm so gladyou feel the way you do.

Because now I can ask youwhat I've always wanted to ask you.

Oh, ask me.

Ask me !

Pansy, will you--

Will you--

- Where the hell are we ?

Someone hit me ! Oh !

- Pansy ! Pansy !

- Give me that !

You've ruined everything !Pansy ! Pansy, I can explain !

It's only the thing on my nose and thehairpiece ! Everything else is fine !

Fidgit, you're not supposedto eat that.

- You're supposed to drink it.- I like that. It's very nice.

Oh.

Six more platesof caviar, please.

Anyone else want any ?

No, none for me, thank you.I'll stick with the quail's eyeballs.

The caviar makes me throw up,you know.

- Waiter.- Sorry, Randall. Sorry.

Cheer up, Kevin. Kings aren'tthe only ones with money, you know.

The money wasn't importantto him.

He didn't have anythingto spend it on, did he ?

Stuck out in Greece-- Ioweststandard of living in Europe.

- You make me sick !

What ?Things are looking better all the time.

- I've got something to say to you.- Go away !

- It's about the map.

The map ?I don't understand you, Randall.

You've got somethingreally brilliant like that,

- and you're just wasting it.

I wouldn't call this exactly...wasting it.

Why couldn't you leave mewhere I was happy ?

Because when you hearwhat I've got planned,

- you're gonna be a lot happier.

I was havin' a close look at the maplast night. Do you know what I found ?

Og was right.The most fabulous object in the world.

It does exist.

Look.

- The time of legends--- The time of legends !There's no such thing.

But there is.You just gotta believe in it.

Otherwise, Horsefleshwouldn't have put it on the map.

"In the middle of the time of legendsis a fortress of ultimate darkness,

and inside the fortressof ultimate darkness,

the most fabulous objectin the world."

Give it up, Randall.

- Look.

- You and me-- we got a lot in common.

- Not like that Og.

We like a risk.

- We like adventure.

Well, this is it.

This is the big one.

No namby-pambytime holes here.

We risk all.We win everything.

Waiter, more champagne.

Yes, sir.

And plenty of ice.

Hello !

I want to go home !I can't stand it !

You'll get us all killed,Randall !

Stop whimpering, Fidgit !

How could I know we were gonnarun slap-bang into an iceberg ?

It didn't say "Get off beforethe iceberg" on the ticket.

Now-- Now is the time...

to star-- to start our quest for the--for the most fabulous object, Randall.

- Og's right ! I've got the map.- No !

- Let's go !- What ?

Randall, we are in the middleof the Atlantic Ocean !

It doesn't matter where we are.You just gotta believe in it !

You're crazy !

- We must try !- No, don't !

- Abandon plank !- No !

I can't swim !I can't swim !

Help ! Help !

- Don't worry, Fidgit ! I'm coming !- Help !

- Help !

- Now we have them !- Oh, well done. Well done, master.

Suddenly, I feel...very, very good.

- I'm sorry, master.- It'll pass. It'll pass.

- Shall I bring them in, master ?- Yes, Benson.

- Bring them into the time of legends.

Hey !Hey, I can swim !

Look.

Look !

Morning, dear.

- Ooh !

- Help !- Who's that ?

- What, dear ?- Thought I heard a noise.

No. It's your nerves, dear.

Here we are, darling.

Come on.

- And the ointment for the leg.

I grew too fastwhen I was young.

- That was the problem.- You've been overdoing it a bit, dear.

You try being beastly and terrifyingwhen you--

you can only get one hour's sleepa night because your back hurts,

and you daren't coughin case you pull a muscle.

But you are horrible, dear.

You're just sayin' that.

And gargle.

- Come on, now. There's a good fellow.

- What's that ?- I don't know.

- Wait for me !

Look at these bloody spots.

That's diet, that is.

- You'll outgrow them, dear.- Look at all this bloody fish !

There used to bea time when you could be sure...

of catchin'old boots, cans,

hatracks, boxes.

Now it's prawnsall the bloody time !

Anti-pollution ! Wife !

What d'you want, dear?Do you want the foot powder ?

No ! Come out hereand help me !

- Quick !- Dear.

- What's in there ?- I don't know, but it's not prawns.

- Here.

Here, dear.Leave that to me, please.

- Yeah.

Aren't they lovely ?We can have them for breakfast.

Ah, you meaneat their boots ?

No, dear.I mean, eat all of them.

Every little bit.

That means the big potand the large skewers.

- What shall I do, dear ?

Terrify them.

Oh, but what about me back ?

Well, you don't haveto jump around.

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