TiMER
Am I late?
Hi. No!
Yes, 5 minutes, but who's counting.
- We are, right?
- Right.
- Well...
- So... Okay.
- You ready?
- Uh...
Yeah, about this...
Brian. You like me, right?
Yes. Definitely.
And I think you're
pretty neat, too,
but what's the point in
continuing, without a guarantee?
Yeah.
Of course.
Are... you ready?
Please.
- Alright.
- I'm good.
Okay.
Oona! Hey girl.
Is this another potential?
Yes. Hi, matchmaker Patty.
This is Brian.
Welcome, Brian.
Ready to take the plunge?
Uh, Abso... absolutely.
Okay, come on back.
I'll get you started.
So, exactly how many guys
have you brought here?
I've been on the
rocking horse a few times.
How many times?
Please.
- Okay. I just...
- Lay it on down.
All-righty, Brian.
So we'll need some photo ID
and a credit card.
Okay, sure.
- Sorry.
- OK. Good.
So how long have the
two of you been dating?
About a month.
Brian Thompson.
Male, thirty-three?!
Wow, how'd you get
this far without a Timer?
- I'm from Oklahoma.
- Mm-hmm. Say no more.
Caucasian. Hetero.
Hope that sticks!
And, uh, personality module
was completed online.
Perfect. So, we're having
a special this week.
Which is $79.99,
That's for installation
and the device
plus monthly charges of $1.99.
Okay? Let's have the recipient
sign the Terms of Use.
Okay, so, what does
this say, exactly?
Oh, just that, um...
You won't ask for a refund
if you think your wait
for true love is too long or
too short. Or, you know, like,
if you don't like
your soul mate.
Are you-- Ar--
Aren't I guaranteed
to like my One?
I mean, isn't that the point?
No. Not necessarily.
Not at first.
Here's our pamphlet
to the Path to True Love.
Now, of course, we have
love at first sight.
But we also have friendship
blossoming into love.
Opposites attract, etc, etc.
the very moment that your
soul mate enters your life.
The rest will evolve naturally.
So you and I have a head start.
Right?
Right. Okay.
Awesome. Awesome!
OK, Brian.
Which is your dominant hand?
Left.
So we're gonna--?
We're gonna do this now?
That looks like it hurts.
Does it hurt?
It's like getting
your ears pierced.
My ears aren't pierced...
Well then, yes, it will hurt,
but briefly.
Okay, so, after implantation
if the two of you are meant to be
then both of your Timers
at the very same time go:
And happily ever after. All set?
Yeah, sure, le--
Yes.
Oh, Oona. Come on.
You wanna zero-out with your man,
you gotta make some eye contact.
The best part of my day.
Drum roll, please!
Jesus!
916 days.
Alright.
Oona, I'm sorry.
It's so fine.
Really. I...
You see, this is why
I didn't want to come here.
- No, I know.
- I was afraid
something like this--
I know, and it's--
It's-- It's fine.
It's fine.
916 days, that's like...
Two and a half years.
Two and a half years. Heh.
I'll have finished my
doctorate by then, and...
Have Tenure.
Fingers crossed. It's--
Perfect timing, actually.
Gosh, it's crazy, you know, to
think that she's out there, she's--
Walking around,
she's living her life.
probably had for years
has finally started
counting down.
You know...
Two years is a long time.
Maybe we could still...
Right.
Probably a doomed
relationship, right?
Moot.
Doomed. I said doomed.
Thanks, I said moot.
Sorry. It's fine, I--
Really, I-- Congratulations!
That's so super.
I have to get back to work.
- Okay, you know, I--
- So then, we--
- This was really great.
- Um. Yeah.
You're nice.
Thank you. No.
Take care.
It's all right here for you,
and I am so sure he's gonna be
everything that you dreamed of.
See you next time, Oona!
She's one of our
recurring customers.
Okay, sir. Have a great day,
and keep on ticking!
to the exact moment
you meet your soul mate
would you want to know?
That's the claim of
manufacturers of
a new device called
The Timer.
The next evolutionary step
in computer matchmaking
The Timer lets you know
when your perfect match--
We've discovered that all humans
are on a path to true love.
Implanted just after the onset of
puberty and powered by body heat,
oxytocin, the hormone of love.
It zeroes out at midnight,
the night before,
and in the next day it
could go off at any second
and you meet your soul mate.
Are you tired of sitting
around, waiting for love?
Your days of watching
and wondering are over.
Say goodbye to heartache
and disappointments.
Now you can be on the clock.
True love, on a schedule.
Introducing Timer
a revolutionary device that tells
you not only who your soul mate is
but when you'll meet them.
Timer.
Take the guesswork out of love.
Have a cookie, Monica.
I can't, my Timer's about to go off.
- When?
- Three years.
A computer chip in your arm?
No, sir.
I don't know.
- Would you?
- Would you?
Yeah, no. I got one.
It was blank at first,
which kinda made me nervous.
But then I guess she got one too.
Wherever she is.
Jane likes dogs. So does John.
Your massive database, hard at work.
just the tip of the iceberg, here.
We are the business of true love.
Shared values, emotional needs,
physical attraction.
By the year 2005, it is estimated
that over half of Americans
ages 14 or older
will have Timers.
A recent independent study
revealed a 98% satisfaction rating
among newly zeroed-out couples.
It's like a fairy tale.
I saw him first from across the room.
And then he looked at me
and I knew instantly.
Everybody turned to look,
and then people were clapping.
On the 15th anniversary
of the invention of the Timer
we're talking to zeroed-out couples.
Eric and Tammi zeroed-out
over 5 years ago.
I was totally skeptical, I didn't--
I just wasn't gonna believe that
a stop watch was gonna tell me
who to love, you know,
but it's not like that.
What would you say to people who
still don't believe it works?
It doesn't tell you who to love,
It just kinda confirms
what you already know.
What you already feel
in your heart, but
when you're ready for it...
It just works out.
It's nice.
What?
Why are you whispering?
I'm not.
Where are you?
Church.
Brian isn't my One.
I'm shocked!
Call me back when you've
found your underwear.
You got it.
How'd it go?
Brian isn't my One.
Hey, Priscilla.
(muffled) Hello.
taken off today?
(muffled) Really?
Uh... She's got another month,
Dr. O'Leary.
She's just here for a loose wire.
Yeah, but a month is negligible.
Especially when school's
back in session next week.
starting his freshman year.
He's so cute, I could just
punch him in the face.
today, pretty girl.
(muffled) Yeah!
You ever hear the one about the
single gal in the supermarket?
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"TiMER" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/timer_21936>.
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