Tin Men Page #3

CHEESE:

The guy?

MOE:

(immediately

aggravated)

The guy!

CHEESE:

Not the doctor?

(CONTINUED)

14.

19 CONTINUED:
(2) 19

MOE:

That's right, the guy picks it up.

He gets a phone call... it's the

doctor on the line. Doctor says

'I've got some bad news and some

worse news.'

BB join the tin men to listen to Moe's joke.

MOE:

Guy says 'Well, let me hear the

bad news first.' 'The bad news

is, you've got twenty-four hours

to live.' The guy says 'What's

the worse news?' Doctor says

'I forgot to call you yesterday.'

They all laugh. LOONEY, a thin guy who twitches and

blinks a lot, stands up.

LOONEY:

It's good... I like it.

CHEESE:

I never heard bad news and worse

news... smart joke.

LOONEY:

Yeah... I like it.

CARLY:

It's dumb, but good.

BB, who is not laughing, stands behind Cheese who throws

50 cents into the card game.

CHEESE:

Up it fifty cents.

LOONEY:

I call... I call. I'm in on this

one... I call.

MOE:

We get it, you're calling.

CARLY:

I'm not sure.

BB:

Stay with him.

CARLY:

I don't know.

(CONTINUED)

15.

19 CONTINUED:
(3) 19

CHEESE:

Carly, get out of the hand...

I'm holding serious cards. Very

serious cards.

BB:

He's bluffing.

CHEESE:

If I'm lying, I'm dying.

CARLY:

I'm out.

BB:

Ballsy move.

Moe throws his hand in, too.

MOE:

(to BB)

Did you get the new Cadillac?

BB:

Yeah. It's already been hit.

MOE:

What?

BB:

Didn't have it five minutes,

backing out of the place, and a

guy comes out of nowhere and

bangs into my car.

LOONEY:

So, what ya got?

Cheese throws his hand down.

CHEESE:

Pair of sixes.

LOONEY:

Jacks. Win.

CARLY:

Sh*t! Pair of sixes.

MOE:

(about car)

How much damage?

BB:

I bet it's six hundred bucks.

(CONTINUED)

16.

19 CONTINUED:
(4) 19

LOONEY:

Six hundred bucks? I'd get ridof the car. That much damageit won't be any good. You mayhave dented the frame.

BB:

I didn't dent the frame.

LOONEY:

When you hit the frame, the cardoesn't ride right.

BB:

He didn't hit the frame! I'll

tell you this, I'm gonna get theson of a b*tch. If he would

have apologized or something,

but this guy gets out, tries topush me around.

CHEESE:

You're kidding me?

BB:

Yeah... the guy's totally offthe wall.

He takes a sip of his coffee.

BB:

I'm gonna get him... just forthe fun of it.

CUT TO:

20 EXT. LOWER/MIDDLE CLASS NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY 20

BB's Cadillac moves through the neighborhood, and we seehomes that all look to be about 30 to 40 years old.

CUT TO:

21 INT. BB'S CADILLAC - DAY 21

Moe is with BB in the Cadillac.

looking through some papers.

BB is driving. Moe is

(CONTINUED)

17.

21 21

CONTINUED:

MOE:

Now, let me see... we gotta be

at the Hickey house at four.

(he looks at

his watch)

It's about three-twenty now...

we've got some time on our hands.

You want to get some coffee?

BB:

No, I'm up to here with the

coffee.

He indicates his throat.

MOE:

They got any good pool halls

around here?

BB:

I don't know.

(beat)

You know what would be fun to do..?

Let's try the Life Magazine

routine.

MOE:

(smiles)

Yeah.

CUT TO:

22 EXT. WOODEN FRAMED HOUSE - DAY 22

Slightly run-down. We're looking THROUGH the LENS of a

35mm camera.

BB (O.S.)

You know, I think we've got to

come over about two feet.

The SCREEN SHAKES as BB moves the camera.

CUT TO:

23 INT. WOODEN FRAMED HOUSE - DAY 23

A HOUSEWIFE is looking through the curtains, suspiciously.

CAMERA MOVES TOWARDS the window and we see Moe and BB

moving the 35mm camera around on a tripod. We can

faintly hear their talk.

(CONTINUED)

18.

23 23

CONTINUED:

BB:

I think this is a better position...

the light is hitting it, which is

accentuating the effect we're

going for. It's very good...

very good.

MOE:

(in a creative pose)

This shows the flaws in the

structure...

CUT TO:

24 EXT. WOODEN FRAMED HOUSE - DAY 24

BB and Moe at the camera and tripod.

BB:

(under his breath,

to Moe)

She's at the window.

MOE:

Yeah.

BB:

(in a loud voice)

This is going to be terrific in

Life Magazine.

(even louder)

Terrific in Life Magazine!

(under his breath)

Come on outside, honey.

MOE:

(in loud voice)

This should be our single biggest

issue of Life Magazine.

We see the Housewife coming out of her front door.

BB:

(quietly)

Bingo!

The Housewife approaches BB and Moe suspiciously.

HOUSEWIFE:

Excuse me. What are you doing?

(CONTINUED)

19.

24 CONTINUED:
24

MOE:

Oh, I hope we're not disturbing

you, ma'am. We're with Life

Magazine... we'll be out of here

in just a minute.

BB:

(still looking through

camera; to Moe)

Move the tripod another foot...

another foot.

Moe moves the tripod.

HOUSEWIFE:

What do you mean, Life Magazine?

BB:

(looking up

from camera)

Two minutes, ma'am, and we'll be

out of here. We just need the

picture for Life Magazine, and

we'll be out of here.

HOUSEWIFE:

Life Magazine? I don't understand.

BB:

It's very simple. Ya know, we're

doing this layout about the

benefits of aluminum siding -- a

'before' and 'after' kind of

presentation.

HOUSEWIFE:

A 'before' picture?

MOE:

So they see your house, and another

one done with aluminum siding...

the other house looking so much

more beautiful.

HOUSEWIFE:

In Life Magazine?

MOE:

It's a special issue on home

improvements and ways to beautify

your home.

(CONTINUED)

20.

24 CONTINUED:
(2) 24

BB:

A wonderful issue... it's one of

the finest pictorial things we've

done here at Life... the ways you

can improve your house.

(he adjusts the

camera)

We're gonna be out of here in no

time, ma'am.

MOE:

It's gonna look very good, BB.

HOUSEWIFE:

My house is going to be the 'before'?

Can't mine be like the 'after'?

BB:

No, no... we've got a house that

looked like yours and it's been

done in aluminum... it's very

nice.

MOE:

Yeah... really shows the contrast

of what a house can look like.

HOUSEWIFE:

What does it cost?

BB:

What? The aluminum siding? Oh...

I don't know the figures offhand.

Do you have any idea, Moe?

MOE:

I think it's fairly reasonable.

HOUSEWIFE:

Could my house be the 'after' in

Life Magazine and you get another

house for the 'before.'

BB:

You mean have your house as the

'after' and find another house

that looks like your house for

the 'before'?

HOUSEWIFE:

Is it possible?

(CONTINUED)

21.

24 CONTINUED:
(3) 24

BB:

What do ya think, Moe? Would

that be ethical?

MOE:

Well, we didn't sign any agreement

with the 'after' house. We'd have

to move very quickly, ma'am... you

know what I mean?

BB:

You'd have to work out an

arrangement with an aluminum

siding company and they'd have

to do the job very quickly for

us to make our deadline...

we've got a deadline, that's the

problem.

HOUSEWIFE:

How quickly?

MOE:

BB, what do you think? Can we

slide the deadline, or what? Six

or seven days?

BB:

Pressing it. Do you think we

could manage it, Moe?

MOE:

It's pushing it, BB.

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