Tiny Furniture

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Honey, I'm home.

Family?

We're downstairs.

Can you move your right toe,

like, slightly towards me?

- Just a little bit more.

- It hurts.

- Perfect.

- Hi.

- Hey, sweetie.

- Hey.

Look, my feet really, really hurt.

You know I'm not good on high heels.

We'll be done

in one minute. Just one more roll.

How come you never use me

in any pictures?

- You're never here.

- Plus, my legs are longer and more supple.

Come say hi, sweetie.

Come give me a kiss.

- Hi.

- We'll be done really soon.

How about if we order dinner,

and I let you choose what you want?

How long are you gonna be

staying in our house?

Last I checked, it's my house too.

I have a whole bedroom.

You used to have a whole bedroom.

It's my special space now.

Candice, can you...

come and move

the couch on the left...

like, oh, one inch

towards the window?

- Hey, Candice.

- Hey, Aura.

Some boxes came for you,

so I put them in your bedroom.

- Not your bedroom.

- Thank you. I think you're being mean.

I think you're being oversensitive.

I just got off a plane from Ohio.

I'm in a postgraduate delirium.

I think you sound like you're

in the epilogue to Felicity.

The guy I thought I was gonna marry

just moved to Colorado.

- Cut me some slack.

- You were not gonna marry him.

He's like a little speck of granola

on a bowl of homemade yogurt.

You know, I always said

he was really a sweet guy...

and like, the perfect

first boyfriend, like...

the way a college boyfriend should be.

So basically you're saying I wasted

two years of my life on a speck of granola?

No. Regret is a complete

waste of time.

I never think about my 20s,

and I absolutely don't look back.

Could you turn on your lamp?

I don't like overhead light.

The bulb is blown.

Replace it.

I don't know where they are.

Lazy.

You're gonna call me lazy?

You're the one who does everything

with, like, Gumby arms.

What are you talking about?

Maybe the fact that every time

I ask you to help me with anything...

you do it with, like,

limp, rubbery arms...

that make me wish

I had just handled it myself.

Do you really want to start this right now?

Do you want to start this?

Start what?

I have, like, a million things

I could say right now.

- Like what?

- Like, "Get a f***ing lightbulb. "

- Oh, it's ridiculous. It's a museum.

- Mom?

It's all forms and registrars.

I need to figure out how to be a diva.

- Siri?

- Hold on a second.

- What? I'm on the phone.

- I need a lightbulb.

In the white cabinet.

All right. Sorry.

What's a harridan, anyway?

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, that's what

I have to learn to be.

Yeah, he tries to take out

three-quarters of my work...

48 hours before the show opens.

Yeah. You're gonna help me

figure this out. Exactly.

"June 28, 1974.

Enough bullshit about chronology.

It doesn't really matter lately

what I do and who calls me when.

It matters more what I'm thinking,

which is that I haven't been making art...

yet I have a fierce desire

to be an artist.

Having a body of my own work seems

more like security to me than anything.

Setting up a studio,

having shows, seems like...

one of the few worthwhile things

there is for me to do.

Today I ate zucchini bread,

cheese crackers, wine. "

Mornin'.

- It's wakey-uppy time.

- Mom, why?

Well, I just think

if you're home with us...

it would be good if you were

a little bit on our schedule.

Ma, I just graduated.

I just want to sleep a little bit.

Oh, my God. What are you doing?

Wow. It smells a little stale in here.

Did you perspire in the night?

Oh, my God.

Please get out of my room.

I'm thinking maybe we need to wash

the sheets, or perhaps we need a shower?

- Oh, please get out.

- Upsy-daisy.

- Please get out of my room. Please!

- I'm outta here.

Oh, my God.

F***.

Hi.

- I'm awake now.

- Great.

Did you see that e-mail

about loan forms?

'Cause that's not supposed to go here.

It's supposed to go to the gallery.

- Yeah, I saw that. I'll e-mail them.

- Thank you.

Am I not allowed to come

down here in my pajamas?

I don't care.

Candice, I really appreciate

you letting me keep Gilda down here.

The cats are being

very lusty towards her.

- No problem. She's really cute.

- What are you doing today, love?

I think I'm gonna go to a party tonight.

And I hate to be vulgar,

but I have to ask you for some money.

Upstairs in the white cabinet

you can find my purse.

- Hi, hi, hi.

- Hello!

- How you doin'?

- How you doin'?

I'm doin'.

I'm in the library.

All the freshmen arrived today,

and I cruised them so hard.

I watched them all

moving into their dorms...

all the minifridges

and collapsible hampers...

and posters

of Gustav Klimt's The Kiss.

- Are you done with your research?

- As done as I'm gonna be.

You know, it's-it's hard

to completely close the door...

on "modes of Western femininity"...

but my grant is up

and my housing ends next week.

I'm jealous. I've been home

for a day, and I miss it already.

I don't know. I think this summer

was the dreamiest one of my life.

Are you kidding?

You were miserable. You spent

half your time with me in the library.

Oh, and stopped eating gluten

and kept threatening to decamp for India.

That's totally right.

But oh, my God.

I found my mom's journals

from when she was our age.

They're unbelievable.

I'm reading them illegally.

And she also had a hippie boyfriend who

had to go find his destiny. Listen to this.

"Making love with Eric tends

to be more fun than passionate.

No, that's an absurd generalization.

It's different every time. "

This part's a little gross.

I don't even want to read this.

"But I'm getting on the bus

to go to New York.

I cried in bed last night so much

because I was so confused...

and because I love Eric so much

and I'm afraid of losing him...

but he needs to be on the farm. "

Owen needs to be on the farm.

The funny farm.

Aren't you a little glad

that he's not moving with you?

I don't know. I miss him.

Oh, but Frankie, I miss you more.

Get here already.

I'll be there soon, okay?

- I love you.

- I love you too.

Shalom. Hubba hubba.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Really good to see you.

- Good to see you too.

- You look so pretty.

- Oh, are you serious?

I feel this outfit just screams, like,

"I've been living in Ohio for four years.

Take me back to your gross apartment

and have sex with me. "

No, you look great.

You look so special.

And I saw that your dyslexic

stripper video got, like, 400 hits.

That's embarrassing.

That one's not even that good.

- No. You know everyone, right? Come on in.

- I don't know.

You can just put your bag in here.

Come here.

So I want to introduce you

to this boy Jed.

He's so witty and so special,

just like you.

You guys are gonna

get along really great.

He can be kind of grumpy sometimes,

but kind of in a cool way.

He has this show on YouTube

where he rides...

this rocking horse

and talks to fake enemies.

Oh, my God.

I think I know who that is.

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