Tis the Season

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Kris:
Alright Pengrove.

Kris:
It's crunch time.

Kris:
The holiday seasons are coming up fast.

Kris:
Faster than an elf on Adoral.

(Laughter)

Pengrove:
So true.

Kris:
Can you imagine?

Kris:
So

Kris:
I'm not technically retired.

Kris:
But I still get dozens of letters from kids.

Kris:
Asking for gifts.

Kris:
Oh, no, but what's on the agenda today?

Pengrove:
The schedule is free today boss.

Kris:
Any um...

Kris:
Any mail come in for me today... or?

Pengrove:
No.

Pengrove:
No Mail.

Kris:
What about Nutcraker? Any Mail?

Kris:
(High Pitched) No Mail.

(Laughter)

(Hysteric Laughter)

Kris:
(High Pitched sounds)

(Hysteric Laughter Continues)

(Hysteric Laughter Still Continues)

(Awkward silence with sigh)

Kris:
You sure there's nothing n the schedule for me today?

Pengrove:
Well, you could work on the list.

Kris:
(to himself) The list.

Kris:
The list is my top priority throughout the year.

Kris:
Without it, I wouldn't know who's been naughty or who's been nice.

Kris:
I mean, you'd have good kids getting coal. Bad kids getting presents.

Kris:
Come christmas time, it would be utter chaos.

Kris:
(Excited) Let's work on the list.

Kris:
( Laughing) Okay.

Pengrove:
(Let's do it)

Kris:
Alright, alright.

Kris:
Uhh..

Kris:
Okay, well... Where.. Where is the list?

(Music Jingle)

(Music Jingle)

Kelly:
Yeah we're releasing the new cookie just in time for Christmas.

Kris:
Kelly?

Kelly to phone:
I need you to get the order together ASAP.

Kris:
(Whisper) Kelly?

Kris:
(Whisper) Just...

Kris:
My wife Kelly runs a really successful business.

Kris:
Mrs: Kringle's Cookies.

Kris:
So she's really busy most of the time.

Kris:
I mean she doesn't deliver toys to every single child in the entire world in one night, but yeah, her cookies are really good.

Kelly:
You need to get it together okay?

Kelly:
Huh, whats up?

Kris:
Hey, uhh... Have you seen the list?

Kelly:
I'm sorry, what list?

Kris:
The list honey.

Kris:
You know, the list that I make and check twice.

Kris:
So I can see whose been naughty or nice.

Kelly:
Yeah, wow, are you still doing that?

Kris:
Yes, I'm still doing that.

Kris:
How else would the kids get their presents?

Kelly:
I don't know. Internet?

Kris:
(Sigh)

Kelly:
Oh, um, cookie?

Kris:
Kelly, the list is missing.

Kris:
This is no time for cookies!

Kris:
Alright, I guess a few wouldn't hurt.

Kelly:
Anytime is a good time for cookies.

Kris:
What's with all the decorations pal?

Nick:
I'm just getting ready for the holiday season.

Kris:
You got the played looking like a haunted mansion.

Kris:
(murmur)

Nick:
I know.

Kris:
Uh, uh, cookie?

Nick:
Are they gluten free?

Kris:
My son's in college now.

Kris:
He's going to take over for me once he graduates.

Kris:
We are really proud of him.

Kris:
Have you, have you seen my list?

Nick:
Hey, look at that. I gotta go.

Kris:
Where you going pal?

Kris:
Out.

Kris:
(sigh)

Kris:
Hey Candycane.

Kelly:
Hmm.

Kelly:
Yeah sugar plum.

Kris:
Do you think Nick hates me?

Kelly:
What? No.

Kelly:
No, of course not.

Kris:
Because I think he put up those Halloween decorations just to spite me.

Kelly:
He's in college.

Kelly:
You know, he's just trying to be his own man.

Kelly:
I think this Halloween thing is just a phase.

Kris:
You're probably right.

Kris:
Oh. What am I going to do about the list?

Kris:
Christmas is ruined.

Kris:
You think Somebody stole it?

Kelly:
You Just misplaced it.

(Shattering Sound)

Kris:
(Whisper) Did you hear that?

Kelly:
It's just Nick, go back to bed.

Kris:
What if it's the thief that stole the list?

Kris:
And they're back to steal your cookie recipes.

Kris:
I'm about to go waffling on someone's ass!

Kris:
Hmm.

Kris:
Nick

Kris:
Is that you?

Kris:
Pengrove?

Kris:
Jeff.

Kris:
What are you doing here?

Jeff:
(Mumbling and Slurring) I got kicked out of my apartment.

Kris:
(Sigh)

Jeff:
Can I stay here for a while?

Kris:
I.. you know.

Jeff:
I got no place to go bro.

Kris:
(Sigh)

Kris:
First I lose the list.

Kris:
Now I got my brother to deal with.

Kris:
This is the last thing I need.

Jeff:
(throwing up)

Kris:
Oh. Oh.

Kris:
Oh. Oh. Oh come on. Oh

(Sound of video game lazers)

Jeff:
Bro you look really stupid in this.

Jeff:
Snow globe.

Kris:
The spirit of Jack Frost is trapped in that snow globe. I'd be careful with that, if I were you.

Jeff:
I can feel it in my Bones.

(More lazers)

Jeff:
So hey listen, I got this burning sensation when I piss.

Kris:
Look I'm really busy here Jeff.

(Video game explosion)

Kris:
I'm really busy okay.

Nick:
Hey dad.

Nick:
Could Rachel come for dinner tonight?

Kris:
Ask your mother.

Jeff:
Ooh lala. Who's Rachel.

Nick:
My girlfriend.

Jeff:
I almost married the girl I was dating in college.

Kris:
Jeff, don't. No.

Kris:
Come on. you didn't even go to college.

Jeff:
I was a janitor at one.

Jeff:
Kris think he's so important.

Jeff:
I mean...

Jeff:
So what. He's Santa Clause.

Jeff:
He never brings me any gifts.

Jeff:
Ho. Ho. Ho.

Jeff:
Psf. Horseshit.

Jeff:
It smells like ham and cookie farts in here.

Kris:
Well it certainly is very nice to finally meet you Rachel.

Nick:
Dad she's been here like a dozen times. We've been dating for like three months.

Kris:
Oh uh..

Kris:
I thought that was a different girl. Who was the other girl you were dating?

Kris:
She was so, so pretty.

Kris:
She was so...

Kris:
No, no. Rachel is very pretty, I wasn't saying that.

(Awkward Silence)

Kris:
The food is very, very good honey. It's delicious.

Kelly:
Thank you.

Jeff:
It's a bit Bland for my taste.

Kelly to Jeff:
We're just so happy that you're here. Jeff.

Jeff:
Me too.

Jeff:
Thanks.

Kelly:
Uh, so how was school Rachel?

Rachel:
Good, I'm done with my pre-med classes this semester.

Jeff:
Beauty and brains.

Nick:
Rachel is going to be a doctor.

Jeff to Rachel:
Hey listen, I get this burning sensation when I -

(Sound of kick under table)

Kris:
Hey!

Kelly:
Your parents must be very proud.

Rachel:
Yeah my mom's a doctor, so I'm kind of following in her footsteps.

Kris:
Oh well that is very, very interesting.

Kris:
Did Nick happen to mention what I do for a living?

Rachel:
No he didn't.

Rachel:
What do you do?

Kris:
Well I'm a bit of a celebrity. I'm known by several names.

Kris:
Old Saint Nick. The brits call me Father Christmas.

(Kris laughing)

Kris:
I've been told I resemble a bowl full of jelly when I laugh. Look at this.

Kris:
Ho. Ho. here get a closer look. Look.

(Kris laughs)

(Kris laughs)

Kris:
Right?

Kris:
A bowl full of Jelly.

(Kris continues shaking belly)

(Kris clears throat)

Kris:
Im Santa Clause

Rachel:
Oh

Rachel:
I don't really celebrate Christmas. I'm Jewish.

(Jeff laughing)

Nick:
That's right dad.

Nick:
Rachel's Jewish.

Kelly:
So does that mean you celebrate. Hu.. Hannukka?

Kris:
Where do you get your gifts?

Nick:
Who cares where they get their gifts.

Kris:
No but where do the Jews get there presents?

Nick:
You know I don't care that she doesn't celebrate Christmas.

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