Tootsie Page #2

- Since an hour ago?

Good point.

Let me talk to him. I'll call you.

- Didn't anybody hear me?

- Guess not.

I've been trapped for half an hour.

What kind of a party is this?

God, you guys are having

a good time, huh?

Sorry.

I'll remember that if I ever

do a scene where I'm trapped.

- It's nice, Michael.

- Thanks.

Who is that?

- Mallory. She's married to John.

- Oh, yeah.

I did a thing about suicides

of the American Indian.

And nobody cared. Nobody showed.

And I think the American Indian

is as American...

...as John and Ethel Barrymore...

...and Donny and Marie Osmond.

I think it's really sad...

...but I think that, nowadays,

when people dream...

...they don't even dream in their

own country anymore.

And that's sick.

I had a good time.

I just didn't know half the people.

It was late, and I wanted it

to be a surprise.

I invited 10 people.

They all invited 10 people.

You met 40 new people.

They all liked you.

I heard nice things about you.

- Thanks, Jeff.

- Good night.

- Happy birthday.

- Thank you.

- One of the five people I knew.

- Great party.

Thank you.

Excuse me, Miss Right?

Miss Right?

Good night.

It was a wonderful party.

My date left with someone else.

I had fun. Do you have any Seconal?

Come on, I'll take you home.

I did have a good time.

I really did.

You didn't.

Wait. Money for cab fare.

That's okay. It's cheaper to

get mugged. Let's walk.

The fares are really

insane now anyway.

- Why didn't you have a good time?

- I did have a good time.

- What's wrong?

- Nothing's wrong.

What?

- What?

- Nothing! I'm perfectly fine.

I just cry like this, like a tic.

Tell me what's wrong,

or I'll kill you.

Nothing's wrong, Michael.

I'm really very up.

You're worried about your audition.

Why?

- Because I'm not going to get it.

- Why not?

- Because I'm completely wrong for it.

- What kind of a part is it?

A woman!

You don't have a man,

so you act like one.

You're wrong, Dr. Brewster.

I'm proud of being a woman.

Wait a minute.

This guy treats you like dirt...

...because he's a big doctor, right?

But don't take that.

Talk to him on his level.

Show me.

You're doing a Southern accent?

You're wrong, Dr. Brewster.

I'm very proud of being a woman!

I can't do it as good as you.

You can! Just turn the tables

on him. Come on, now.

You're wrong.

I'm proud of being a woman.

Where am I off?

- I don't know what you're playing.

- I'm playing rage. I'm enraged.

You told me to turn the tables.

I'm playing rage.

This is rage?

I have a problem with anger.

You do. But there's 100 other

actresses reading...

...who don't, who aren't

afraid of working.

Who aren't afraid to stick

everything on the line and do it!

- Don't get mad!

- Stop being a doormat!

- I'm not a doormat!

- Act right now! Do it!

You're wrong, Dr. Brewster. I am...

Go on.

- You're wrong, Dr. Brewster...

- Must I hit you with a stick?

You're wrong.

I am very proud to be a woman.

And I'm proud of this hospital.

And before I see it destroyed

by your petty tyrannies...

Have the anger. Don't show it to me.

...I'll recommend you be

thrown out into the street.

- Don't lose it.

- Good day.

- Don't whine like you're second-rate.

- I said good day!

Not bad.

Did you feel how much I hated you?

- You really felt it?

- That's why I'm going.

How can I get it back tomorrow?

How can a total stranger enrage me?

I'll pick you up at 10:00

and enrage you.

Bruce Fortune to Telecine.

Bruce Fortune to Telecine.

- Bennett?

- Right here.

Stanz?

I'm supposed to look like this?

- That is what you look like.

- It's not funny.

Good.

Don't lose that.

No sequins, Alfred.

She's attending her husband's funeral.

Jacqui? As soon as Ron gets here, in.

Lester.

Lester. Sandy Lester?

Yes, here.

Stop it!

Bye-bye. Good morning, ladies.

Please bring your rsums

and follow me.

Wish me luck.

- F*** you.

- Thank you.

- Go.

- God bless you.

Here you'll recognize your favorite

characters from Southwest General...

...including John Van Horn,

who has played Dr. Medford Brewster...

...since the first episode aired

Now we'll head into Studio B,

where the episodes are actually taped.

Andrew Donovan,

report to Wardrobe, please.

I didn't get it.

- What?

- They wouldn't let me read.

- They wouldn't let you read?

- They said I wasn't right physically.

They want somebody tougher.

So I'm going home.

I'll walk you.

To San Diego?

- What are you talking about?

- I'm going home!

I hate it here!

God! I'm 34!

I paid $24 for these glasses.

All I do is buy things...

I want to be a waitress.

I wasn't gonna resort to this,

but you're gonna read.

Excuse me, is Terry Bishop here?

No, Mr. Bishop is rehearsing

The Iceman Cometh for Broadway.

He's what?

He's rehearsing The Iceman Cometh

for Broadway.

That was my part.

I was supposed to be up...

I got to see somebody.

Don't do anything rash.

Will he be back?

- Is George Fields in?

- Yes, he is.

Now, wait a minute.

You can't just go in there!

Michael, he's tied up right now.

I swear!

Hang on. Will you wait outside?

I'm talking to the Coast.

This is a coast.

New York is a coast too.

Oh, boy.

Sy, are you...

God... Look what you...

Margaret?

Get him back.

I cut myself off.

What is it, Michael?

Terry Bishop's doing Iceman.

You promised to send me up for that.

You told me I'd get a reading for that.

Aren't you my agent?

- Stuart Pressman wants a name.

- Terry Bishop is a name?

Michael Dorsey is a name,

when you want to send a steak back.

Wait, wait, wait!

You always do this to me.

It was a rotten thing to say.

Let me start again.

Terry Bishop is on a soap.

Millions watch him every day.

That qualifies him to ruin Iceman?

I can act circles around him.

- I played that part in Minneapolis.

- lf he wants a name, that's his affair.

People are in this business

to make money.

- I'm in it to make money too.

- Really?

The Harlem Theatre for the Blind?

The People's Workshop at Syracuse?

Wait a minute.

I did nine plays up at Syracuse.

I got great reviews from the critics.

Not that that's why I did it.

God forbid you should lose

your standing as a cult failure.

You think I'm a failure?

I will not get sucked

into this conversation.

I will not.

I sent you my roommate's play to read.

It had a great part in it for me.

Where do you come off sending me

a play for you to star in?

I'm not your mother.

I don't find plays for you to star in.

I field offers.

That's what I do.

Who told you that?

The agent fairy?

I could be terrific in that part.

- Nobody's going to do that play.

- Why?

It's a downer about a couple

that move back to Love Canal.

But that actually happened.

Nobody wants to watch people

living next to chemical waste!

They can see that in Jersey.

I don't want to argue about it.

I'll raise $8,000 and produce his play.

Send me up for anything.

I don't care.

I'll do dog commercials.

I'll do radio voice-overs.

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