Top Gear: The Perfect Road Trip 2 Page #10

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that would capture the moment.

So we went for these two

classic Alfa Romeos.

A 1962 Touring Spider

and a 1963 Giulia Spider.

Oh! I don't think

we could've done any better.

Absolute proof that the right car,

in the right place, at the right moment

can add up to perfection.

This stretch of road,

we could've driven up and down

in any of the modern cars we've driven.

But we wanted something special,

and, boy, have we got it.

Alfas.

The Alfa Romeo 4C can trace its roots

back to this car, the Giulia Spider.

This is the dream on which

all motoring dreams are built.

I know what you're seeing

is a short Brummie

in a borrowed Italian car.

But the image in my mind

is completely different. Clark Gable.

Even Jeremy's pulling that off,

in that car.

CLARKSON:
In my mind, I'm Edward Fox.

I'm Sofia Loren.

I'm Grace... No, I'm not Grace Kelly.

She plummeted to her death

off a road very similar to this.

It's funny, isn't it? You can sail

through a beautiful bit of scenery,

looking at it and admiring it,

or in a car like this,

you can become part of that scene.

My love of cars was born

from imagery like this.

A mountain road, a soft-top Alfa,

a blue sky, the sea.

It's hard to think really

how I could be happier

in a car than I am now.

Then I remembered that actually,

there was something missing.

It's time to cue the Monro, now.

(OLD ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

This is the perfect base

of the perfect road trip.

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

Soon, we arrived at the hotel

from where we would sail to Capri.

And celebrated with a glass of lemonade

and a game of tennis.

Argh!

I didn't even see it.

That was exciting.

15-love, I'm never gonna get that back,

am I? That was well done, well played.

- Yeah, I know. Cheers, mate, thanks.

- Yeah.

Good game.

- There's no clawing that back.

- No, not really.

After our epic 28-second match,

we had more lemonade and an argument.

What delicious lemonade!

I've never had better lemonade.

It's the very best I've ever tasted.

Mmm.

And this afternoon, I shall be driving

a three-litre Capri

on the island of Capri.

Oh, hang on.

No, there's only one three-litre.

- I know.

- Oh, why should you have it?

- 'Cause you can have the 2.8.

- Well, you have a 2.8. I'd rather...

2.8 is more powerful.

The 2.8 is more powerful,

and you like power, etcetera...

Yes, I know, but the three-litre's

got carburettors, yours, you...

I want the three-litre 'cause...

You've got a fuel injection?

I don't want fuel injection.

I want cars, it's a classic car.

No, no. The 2.8 is classic.

You know, you want a Capri 2.8.

- No.

- You do.

I don't.

CLARKSON:
And so, we hatched a plan.

Here is what is gonna happen.

We're gonna get a couple of speedboats.

And we're gonna race to Capri.

And whoever gets there first

has the three-litre.

Yeah, can I make it perfectly plain?

This was his idea.

He thought of it

because I can't drive a boat.

Well, that's your fault.

You should've thought of that.

Well, it was your idea.

I wouldn't have planned a boat race.

We hatched the plan.

No, we didn't. You hatched the plan

because I can't drive a boat.

It's not difficult.

Unfortunately, for the man

from Birmingham, it was.

- Are you ready?

- No, I'm not.

Why not?

I don't know how to work it.

You've got those two throttles,

there's forwards and backwards.

It's twin screw. You've got

flaps, that's for trimming it out.

As you go up, the nose of the boat will

want to rise, you put the flaps down,

and it brings the nose down

and gets you on the plane.

I'm not on a plane. Why have I

got flaps? They are on planes.

CLARKSON:
Are you ready?

HAMMOND:
No, I'm still not ready.

This steering, is it true that you steer

the opposite way on a boat?

If you wanna go left, you steer right.

Yes, that's true. The man's an idiot!

Two throttles, that's these levers.

Forwards is forwards, I presume.

James Bond doesn't do this

when he gets on a speedboat.

He just goes!

Are you ready? In three, two, one. Go!

Yes!

God, this is what I call motoring now.

I'm scared.

Unleash the power.

Uhh! Oh, this is nerve-wracking.

I wanna drive that three-litre Capri

on Capri. I don't want the 2.8.

Massive waves there. Don't like those.

Why are they there? Oh!

Oh, this is terrible!

Struggling, yes,

he's far, far behind now.

A speck, frankly.

This is Thunder Rider One

to Inappropriate Stork,

how're you doing?

That's not the name of my boat.

I'm doing 2.3 a side. What about you?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Look at the rev counters,

you blithering idiot!

Oh, I don't like this. Oh, my God!

Victory is mine,

the three-litre is mine.

The only trouble was,

the island that I was racing towards

didn't look anything like Capri.

Now, Capri, it's not that.

It's not that. That's definitely Italy.

Somebody has stolen Capri,

it is missing.

It's gone!

HAMMOND:

While Jeremy was busy shouting...

I think that's Capri, over there!

...I was getting

more and more confident.

I'll be honest,

it's not all that difficult.

You just sort of

put these things forwards,

and, you know...

And before I knew it, I'd caught up.

And the race was back on.

CLARKSON:

With Capri now firmly in our sight,

it was a straight-line drag race

to the finish.

Oh, he's got some speed up now.

Here we go,

a sprint to the finish line.

Oh, yes!

HAMMOND:
And then, weirdly,

I began to lose my lead.

Oh, what's that you did!

The speed!

Oh, God! How does that happen?

I think my boat's got

more powerful engines.

Our finishing line was the port.

A fact I'd forgotten to tell Hammond.

Victory is mine, all mine!

Where're you going?

I'm going to the port.

Where're you going?

Why isn't it signed, for God's sake?

CLARKSON:
And with that,

it was time to fess up.

Hammond, do you know how many

horsepower your boat has got?

No, how many?

Wow, how many have you got?

Oh, for God's sake!

Cheating...

(HORN BLOWS)

Ferry, massive ferry.

CLARKSON:
Eventually, after Hammond

got a man to help him park his boat...

Better reverse, better reverse.

...we were introduced to our Capris.

- They are beautiful.

- HAMMOND:
Gorgeous cars.

- This is it, Hammond.

- Yeah.

This is it.

This is the realisation of a dream.

I'm actually pleased I've got this one.

'Cause this is the one

that resonates more for me.

Because I'm younger than you,

this is what I think of.

The fact is, we both have Capris

and this is Capri.

This is gonna be

one of the best afternoons ever!

We've done it.

- (ENGINE REVS)

- Listen to that!

The sweet music of Dagenham!

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Unfortunately, once again,

our perfect road trip

had come to a premature end.

It's the car, does that.

I didn't wanna do that. It was him.

I didn't wanna... I didn't...

- I never drive.

- Hammond, shh!

OFFICER:
Cross on Y...

HAMMOND:
Jeremy then spoke

to the officers in Italian.

Which made everything worse.

(CLANKING)

A lot worse.

(METAL DOOR SHUTS)

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