Top Hat Page #3

- Good night.

Bates, thank you.

You know, really,

you are an invaluable assistant.

Thank you, sir. Allow us, sir.

Thank you, Bates.

- Your coat, sir.

- Really?

This is like old times, isn't it?

Your helping me with my coat, I mean.

It's a pleasure we have missed, sir.

- Thank you, Bates.

- Thank you, sir.

How is our lumbago this evening, sir?

- It's so much better, Bates, thank you.

- Thank you, sir.

- Bates.

- Yes, sir?

There's a crisis afoot.

Couldn't we bury the hatchet?

I mean, couldn't we forget

all about the ties?

Sic transit gloria mundi, sir.

- Bates.

- Yes, sir.

Mr. Travers is in trouble.

He's practically put his foot

right into a hornet's nest.

But, hornets' nests grow on trees, sir.

Never mind that.

We have got to do something.

What about rubbing it with butter, sir?

You blasted fool,

you can't rub a girl with butter!

My sister got into a hornets' nest

and we rubbed her with butter, sir.

That's the wrong treatment.

You should have used mud.

Never mind that!

Mr. Travers is in trouble.

It is liable to develop into a scandal

that will involve all of us.

There's a young lady in the room below us.

I've seen her, sir.

I want you to find out

all you can about her.

Follow her wherever she goes.

Never take your eyes off her.

- Never, sir?

- Never.

- Whither she goes...

- Thither I, sir.

Right you are, sir. Whither or thither.

- What happened?

- It's all right. I fixed it.

But things are getting involved.

This is a deep-laid plot.

Nonsense. Why should this girl want

to involve me?

Why, for money, of course. Publicity.

Anything to create a scandal.

I'm going to see her and buy her off.

You're not. If anyone's going to buy

her anything, I am going to do it.

No, you stay right here.

I'll clear this all up myself.

It's probably some little thing you did...

carried away for the moment,

that offended her sense of decorum.

If I did, I'm going right down

and do it again. Goodbye, old boy.

Come along, cara mia.

- Get me a taxi, quickly.

- Taxi.

Follow that cab.

Come in.

Where's the young lady

that has this room?

She's gone, sir.

- Gone?

- Yes, sir.

You don't mind if I get on with me work?

I gotta get these flowers out

in the morning's rubbish.

That's all right, go ahead. Go right ahead.

Jerry, do you realize that we have

less than an hour before the show opens?

We've got to get out of here. Come on.

Women do strange things sometimes,

don't they, George?

Yes, sir.

- That first act was simply marvelous.

- Good.

Everybody's crazy about it.

The critics are raving.

I've got some more good news.

- Did you find out were she's gone?

- She? Oh, that girl.

No, but, Jerry, please.

The entire Thackeray Club is out in front.

You don't suppose

my dancing has disturbed them?

I don't think so. They didn't say.

Of course not. It's perfectly all right here.

Second act begins, Mr. Travers.

Thanks. I'll be there.

Really, the second act.

A lot of telegrams for you.

I'll be right back

as soon as the act is over.

My word, I never read

my own telegram from Madge.

Isn't it too bad she isn't here tonight?

The biggest night of my life

and she isn't here.

- What does she say?

- All kinds of good wishes for our success.

Sorry we can't fly down to Italy after

the performance to meet her friend.

Her little friend is in London,

staying at my hotel.

Her name is Tremont.

Tremont? Wait a minute. Let me see that.

Horace, hire a plane right away.

We're leaving for Italy in the morning.

One minute, Mr. Travers.

You can't do that. The seats were sold out

for months in advance.

How long does it take to fly there?

Seven hours. You have to be back

Monday for a performance.

Charter a plane for the weekend,

we'll be back in time.

You're on, Mr. Travers.

I will not jeopardize my position.

If you want this show to run two nights,

get me a plane now.

- What kind of a plane?

- One with wings.

I'll go look for Madge

and see you later for cocktails.

- Dale, when did you get down?

- Just now.

Good. Have something to drink.

Horse's neck.

- It's grand seeing you.

- And it's grand seeing you.

Now tell me, did my husband look you up?

- Yes.

- How did he impress you?

I think he is very fascinating.

Fascinating?

You know, every once in a while, the effect

Horace has on people surprises me.

He sort of surprised me, too.

I'm glad you liked him.

He will be here today.

No. He can't...

What's the matter? Did he flirt with you?

He sent me a room full of flowers.

That was sweet of him.

But, Madge, you don't understand, he...

- He chased me in the park.

- Really?

I didn't know

Horace was capable of that much activity.

Did he catch you?

- Yes.

- Good for Horace.

Why, Madge, you shock me.

Horace flirts with

every attractive girl he meets.

He doesn't mean anything.

That's a funny way to take it.

My dear, when you are as old as I am,

you'll take your men as you find them.

If you can find them.

And another thing, Jerry.

The gossip at the hotel

was that this man, Beddini...

was supplying her with everything.

Money, clothes, flowers.

No, Horace, you provided the flowers.

I? I never did anything.

I didn't even know her. Don't be ridiculous.

But anyway, as soon as we land,

I'm going to see Madge...

and I am going to find out from her

just who and what this Tremont person is.

I only want to find out where.

Now, Jerry, I warn you...

you don't realize the trouble

a designing woman can make for a man.

Now, I know all about these things.

I wouldn't tell this to anybody.

I am the victim

of a designing woman myself.

- Surely you don't mean Madge?

- Why, certainly, who else?

Not Madge. She doesn't know

anything about it either.

Her name is Violet.

She is what the French call a passade.

I see. Little ships that pass in the night.

Ships? Yes. Exactly.

I met her at the birdhouse in the zoo.

She was a very pretty little thing

and she seemed to be quite frightened.

Of the birds?

Yes. You see,

she had led a very sheltered life.

It was the storks in particular

that worried her.

I took her to a cinema...

and then we had dinner

and then I took her to another cinema.

Then I fear

I forgot myself and let her kiss me.

That must be his plane now. Come on.

No, I'd rather not.

Come on. If I were you...

I wouldn't miss this opportunity

of seeing the early worm get the bird.

You know, Dale, I haven't told you

the real reason I asked you down here.

Haven't you?

No, I feel I've known you long enough

to have the right to talk to you this way.

In spite of the fact that

all men are males...

there is no feeling so secure as having

a good, reliable husband. I know.

- Jerry.

- Hello, Madge, I'll see you in a minute.

Where did Miss Tremont go?

- Dale didn't tell me she'd met you.

- Yes, we've met.

Fine, I've arranged

a little dinner party for all of us.

Let's eat now.

Leave the child alone,

she's a little upset about something.

- Really?

- Yes. Tell me, how did Dale strike you?

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