Top Hat Page #5

That's sweet of you, darling.

You two run along and dance,

and don't give me another thought.

That's what I'm afraid of.

I think Madge is a very brave person.

Yes, I have

a tremendous admiration for her.

Well, if Madge doesn't care,

I certainly don't.

Neither do I, all I know is that it's...

Why don't you tell me

what this is all about?

You know we never met in Paris.

I know. I'm afraid

I haven't been quite fair with you.

You see, I know who you are.

What difference does that make?

- So that doesn't make any difference?

- No, why should it?

I don't know who you are, and I don't care.

That's big of you.

Well...

Well, what?

Aren't you now supposed to say...

we should think

only of what we mean to each other...

that we're entitled to live our own lives?

I don't think I'd say it

that way exactly, but aren't we?

Go on.

If it weren't for a promise I made

in a moment of weakness...

I would go on.

You made a promise.

That shouldn't make

much difference to you.

That's right. Forget it, marry me.

How could I have fallen in love

with anyone as low as you?

She loves me.

- What are you doing?

- Packing.

I'm leaving. You don't know

what a mess we've got into.

Why, what's the matter?

Your husband.

- He wants to divorce you and marry me.

- I see.

He wants to do right by both of us.

Did he mention any settlement?

No.

That'll come later.

He'll probably want me

to pay myself alimony.

Now listen, Dale. I don't want you to go.

That won't solve anything.

I can't stay here under the circumstances.

Here or there,

as long as you remain a spinster...

you're fair game for any philandering male.

You know, what you really should have...

is a husband you can call your own.

Seriously, I mean it.

But what are we going to do

about your husband?

Don't worry, dear. I'll do it.

Come in.

Darling.

All I said was darling and she smacked me.

Jerry, how does it look? Tell me frankly.

It looks like a sunrise by Maxfield Parrish.

Jerry, that's terrible.

I can't go around now like this.

Put a piece of raw steak on it.

That'll take the swelling down.

It would?

- A steak?

- Sure.

Yes, sir.

- Order a steak.

- A steak. Very good, sir.

You know, Jerry, I can't imagine

what's got into Madge recently.

She's never hit me before.

Maybe she just never thought of it before.

Room service.

Yes. This is the bridal suite.

Yes, will you please send up

a nice, juicy steak?

I beg your pardon?

Yes, mashed potatoes, and carrots...

and spinach. Yes, of course, coffee...

As soon as you get your eye fixed,

we'll go down and see Madge.

Where do you want it, sir?

- Want what, Bates?

- The steak, sir.

On my eye.

On your eye, sir?

My word, why do I always

have to say things twice?

On my eye means on my eye, doesn't it?

- I beg your pardon, sir.

- Don't argue!

Jerry, you see what I'm up against.

The man has a sluggish brain,

always wants to debate things.

First it's a maniac, and then it's Madge,

and now it's Bates.

I give you my word,

if anything else happens, I'll go insane.

We are a grand success.

Every woman, she's saying this dress,

she's wonderful.

This Beddini is the tops.

I'm so happy.

No, but, cara mia, it's not the dress,

it's not Beddini.

It's you who wears it.

Thank you, Alberto.

What is it? Is it Adam again?

His Garden of Eden...

he has made you sad?

It's just that I'm all mixed up, that's all.

Why worry about this man?

I think I'm worrying more about his wife.

Beddini does not like to see you so sad.

Alberto, you seem to be

the only one left I can turn to.

Why don't you marry Beddini?

He'll make you happy.

Why not? I'm rich, I'm pretty...

and then this Hardwick

will leave you alone.

I'll marry you if you really want me to...

but let's do it right away.

First of all,

we'll get you straightened out...

and then I'll ask Madge about Dale.

Mr. Hardwick, dear sir, one of our

guests has informed us...

that he is to be married this evening.

We wondered

if you would give up your bridal suite.

- Give it up? Why we...

- We've hardly settled in it yet.

- Have we, angel?

- No, and all our clothes are... Please.

- Of course you may have it.

- Thank you, sir.

I shall remove you elsewhere.

Come on, dear sir, brace up.

Madge has merely heard something

about this Violet girl.

We know it isn't the truth,

you tell her yourself...

that's all she's waiting for.

I know. That's what I'm afraid of.

Always remember that the truth

has never hurt any man.

Jerry, you are right.

Anyway, if it does,

I'll go to the hospital with you.

Horace, what is this, Halloween?

Madge, Horace has

a little confession to make.

I've been waiting for this for some time.

Come right in and get it off your chest.

You'd better take your glasses off.

Sit down.

You see, when Horace was in London,

he met a certain young lady.

And, Madge, you must have

had an inkling of this or...

- Or you wouldn't be telling me now.

- Never. What? Certainly.

What Horace means to say is...

that he'd like to make

a clean breast of the whole thing.

- Before I find out the truth.

- Exactly. Madge, this girl was... What?

Dear, I'm all mixed. Where am I?

- Hello.

- Madge, darling...

I wanted to call you

and tell you I just got married.

You got what?

I'm sorry, dear, I can't hear you.

It sounds just as if you said

you got married.

- I did.

- Where are you now?

Going to the bridal suite?

Very proper place

for a bride and groom, isn't it?

Darling, I must compliment you

on your speedy work...

but who on earth did you find

to marry you so quickly?

Alberto? You'd better hang up, Dale, dear.

- I think I'm going to faint.

- Dale.

What was that?

- Dale Tremont married?

- Yes, to that dressmaker.

- Good.

- Good? What did you have to do with this?

- It's all his fault.

- My fault?

Yes, she told me how you chased her

in the park and she slapped your face.

Yes, but I'm the one she slapped.

She's been mistaking me

for Horace all this time.

No wonder she thought

Horace was fascinating.

No wonder. I resent that.

- Madge, where is she now?

- On her way to the bridal suite.

Bridal suite.

I'll see you later.

But, Jerry, you can't do a thing like that.

It isn't fair.

All is fair in love and war,

and this is revolution.

- Yes, this is very pretty.

- Thank you, dear sir.

We are very proud

of our bridal arrangements.

Is there anything else, sir?

Yes, would you please ask my wife

to join me here?

It is a pleasure, dear sir.

What are you doing here?

- What are you doing here?

- Yes, but this is my room.

- Yes, but this is my room.

- But I have the key.

But I have the key.

- But I am Beddini.

- You got me there, pal.

We will see who is the owner of this room.

But, Jerry, you shouldn't be in here.

- It isn't cricket.

- No, Horace, it isn't tiddlywinks either.

Signor, there is a man in my bed.

It's too bad. He's not here yet.

I'll just wait until my uncle returns.

Thank you.

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