Top Hat Page #6

Why, Jerry, I didn't know

that you had an uncle here.

- Didn't you know?

- No.

I haven't, but this room is

just above the bridal suite.

He's not here, signor.

If he returns, you will call us.

If he returns, I will kill him.

We Beddini have the motto:

For the woman, the kiss.

For the man, the sword.

Dale, you are lovely.

Like a flower I am afraid to crush.

Don't be afraid.

Alberto, make him stop!

Who is it? You know?

Yes, it's Horace.

Horace Hardwick, that interloper.

I'll stop him.

For the man, the sword.

Mrs. Hardwick's apartment, please.

- He's coming.

- Is he?

You keep this up and hold him

here as long as you can.

I will.

Madge, you'd better come over

and rescue Horace.

Alberto has gone after him with a sword.

Why, yes, of course.

I'm sorry to break in like this,

but I simply had to see you.

Will you please stop annoying me?

But you've been mistaken about me.

- I'm afraid I haven't.

- All right, then.

I'll stay right here and there will be

a scene with your husband.

He'll be furious if he finds you here.

Then please come with me

for a few minutes.

I've simply got to talk to you.

And so you see, my dear chap,

I am definitely the wrong person.

- But you are Horace Hardwick, no?

- Yes, of course I am Horace Hardwick.

Then you are not

the wrong person. Prepare.

Don't mind me.

I just came up to see the fun.

Madge, explain to this maniac that

he is making a very serious mistake.

He may be making a mistake,

but it's not serious.

Go right ahead, Alberto.

No, I cannot kill him before a lady.

If you're going to pull out on us, Alberto,

maybe it's best that you don't kill him.

I may want that pleasure myself someday.

But why didn't you tell me who you were?

After all, I mean, you never gave me

very much of a chance.

Mr. Travers!

Help, somebody.

I am so sorry.

I really did not want to kill you.

- You must forgive me.

- I forgive you.

Go right ahead, boys, don't mind me.

Not tonight, Alberto.

Some other time

when I'm feeling stronger.

Thank you.

- Pardon me, sir.

- What is it? What's the matter?

What have you been doing?

Pardon me, sir,

Mr. Travers and Miss Tremont, sir...

they're drifting out to the bay

in a gondola, sir.

There. That ought to make you

feel pretty small, accusing me.

- He's kidnapped her.

- Kidnapped her?

You are in this plot.

You are cahooting with him.

I've had just about enough...

Children, if Dale and Jerry

are drifting out to sea...

don't you think the best thing

we could do is rescue them?

Yes, come.

Isn't it marvelous to have some brains?

I'm always so helpless.

Don't answer me like that. Do something.

- Jerry.

- That isn't Jerry.

That's right. Make a fool of yourself.

It's no crime to look, is it?

- I think there is no gas left.

- My word, no petrol?

Perhaps I'd better look at the engine,

where is it?

They may have hidden it up there

under the hood.

This is the first time

I ever had to walk back from a boat ride.

Jerry, you mustn't come with me.

I'd rather talk to Alberto alone.

Alberto will have to get accustomed

to talking in front of me.

No, seriously,

I'd rather you wouldn't. Please.

When am I going to see you again?

I don't know.

Mr. Travers, they went after you, sir,

to look for you, sir, in a motorboat.

- Mr. Beddini, too?

- Yes, sir, all three of them...

but they won't be back this evening, sir.

We took the precaution

of removing the gasoline.

Thank you, Bates.

What is it, my good man?

Yes. I'm masquerading.

Don't you understand English?

You don't understand English?

Well, I've been waiting for an opportunity

like this since my childhood.

You frozen-faced flatfoot.

And grazie to you if it comes to that,

you stultified shrimp.

Can I help it if you look

like a mildewed donkey?

I'm adoring this.

And grazie to you, since you insist.

You see, I happen to be breaking the law.

I admit it wholeheartedly...

but, of course, you would never know that,

you fish-faced nincompoop.

Good night.

I arrest you for masquerading

as a gondolier.

I further charge you with insulting

an officer with vile names...

according to Rule Three, Section Three

of the law dealing with delinquents.

Beg your pardon, signoro,

the carnival is beginning.

Shall I serve now

or will you wait for the groom?

I don't think the groom

will be here tonight.

- Very good, sir.

- Very good? It's perfect.

I still feel a little guilty

being here with you...

while Alberto's out looking for us.

Let's eat, drink, and be merry,

for tomorrow we have to face him.

The hour of reckoning is at hand.

Beddini is about to settle his accounts.

Skipper, will you tell

my husband we're here?

He's the one with his mouth closed.

Listen, you two idiots,

Alberto is as mad as a drunken toreador.

- Where is he?

- He's gone up to the room.

If you take my advice, you'll take

the first plane back to London pronto.

Not until I've asked Mr. Beddini for his

wife's hand. Do you think he'll accept me?

- Mr. Hardwick.

- What do you want?

I regret to report, my dear sir,

that your manservant has been arrested.

- Bates? Really?

- Yes, sir.

He would have spent the whole night

in jail if I had not bailed him out.

You don't mean it.

Come in.

At last.

The little birdies have come flying back

to the rooster.

Mr. Beddini, we want to explain

this whole thing to you.

I will not listen to any excuses,

not even the truth.

Jerry, Madge,

I have the most amazing news.

A few days ago,

my invaluable manservant, Bates...

Allow me to tell them, sir, please.

Quiet, your turn will come later.

A few days ago,

my invaluable manservant, Bates...

The needle has gotten stuck in a crack.

You tell it, Bates.

Thank you, madam.

You see, Miss Dale, Mr. Hardwick thought

you were a dangerous woman.

And he asked me to follow you

in case you did something dangerous.

- Follow me?

- Yes, miss.

And in order to put you off the scent,

I thought of many little disguises.

This evening, I met

Mr. Beddini and Miss Tremont...

and fearing

that they might recognize me...

I turned my collar around...

like this.

And very cleverly, I became a clergyman.

You are the one who married us.

Yes, sir.

Then we've never been really married?

Precisely, miss.

Well, Mr. Beddini...

what are you doing

in this young lady's room?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes