Topaze Page #4

- He sings your praises.

- I'm very flattered.

Each week you can give him

all the lessons you like,

at the price you wish.

Very noteworthy!

When you meet a master

of great value,

it's best to leave things up to him.

- Madam, I'm embarrassed.

- Nonetheless...

I must discuss

an important issue with you.

An easily sorted trifle.

I just received

my son's end-of-term report

and I don't dare show my husband.

I explained to Madam

that it was surely a mistake

made by the secretary.

I don't believe so.

First of all, I have no secretary,

I wrote it with my own hand.

The Baroness,

who requested you as a tutor,

has three children in our school.

I have obligations towards her.

This is why,

I'm sure there is a mistake.

So look closely, Mr. Topaze,

examine it

with your full perspicacity.

There's nothing to examine,

there were only zeros.

It's human to make a mistake.

Errare humanum est,

perseverare diabolicum.

Be good enough

to recalculate the child's average.

Gladly, it won't take long.

Will you have the opportunity

to see the Academy lnspector soon?

He's coming to my home

on Wednesday evening.

He has great esteem for Mr. Topaze

but he didn't decorate him.

He decorated him morally.

Mr. Topaze will be decorated

at once, I promise you.

My dear friend, Madam promises

that you will be really decorated

next year.

It would be a great joy.

You've no idea what it means to me.

- You found the error?

- There aren't any.

Come on, be logical!

You believe Madam

about your decoration,

but not when she affirms

there's a mistake.

Madam, there is no mistake possible.

His best grade was two.

He had another zero yesterday

in mathematics.

Eleventh and last: Pitart-Vergniolles.

- Why is my son last?

- Yes, why?

- Because he had a zero.

- A zero.

- Why?

- He didn't understand the problem.

- He didn't understand.

- And why didn't he?

I'll tell you, since you force me

to change my tone.

My son was last,

for the test was rigged.

Rigged? This is very serious indeed.

It was a sort of labyrinth,

with two road workers

digging a rectangular basin.

I say no more.

She says no more.

After such a libelous accusation,

you must explain.

Calm down.

Do you deny

having a student named Gigond?

A student named Gigond?

I've a student named Gigond.

- Gigond?

- His father's profession?

I don't know.

Gigond's father

has an excavation company.

In Gigond's garden,

there is a rectangular basin.

And no one's surprised

that Gigond is first.

That Gigond is first.

- I hardly see the relation.

- The problem was designed

to favor Gigond.

My son realized it at once.

Nothing discourages children more

than injustice and fraud.

My integrity has never been

questioned before.

Calm down, please!

It is regrettable

that the best math student,

due to his father's profession,

and his basin,

benefits from a certain familiarity

with the problem.

It will not reoccur, I'll see to it.

Furthermore, I can guarantee

the perfect good faith

of my colleague.

Perhaps, but I cannot accept

that my son is last.

That her son is last!

He's last, it's a fact.

An inexplicable fact!

Madam, I'm happy to explain.

Speak, I'm listening.

Madam, your son is a growing child.

Correct.

Physically speaking, he vacillates

between two distinct states.

Now he chatters,

jiggles coins in his pocket,

sniggers for no reason,

or throws stink bombs.

That's what I call the active phase.

The second state is just as clear,

it's a sort of depression.

In these moments, he looks at me,

he stares.

He seems to be listening

attentively,

but in reality, his eyes wide open,

he's fast asleep.

- Asleep?

- How odd. Asleep you say?

If I ask him a question,

he falls over.

- Falls over!

- You must be dreaming!

I speak to you in his interest,

I'm sure my frankness

will serve him,

for a mother's eyes do not see all.

And what do they not see?

Look at your son, madam,

he has a sallow complexion,

protruding ears,

pales lips

and a blurry expression.

I'm not saying his life

is threatened by a severe disease,

but I do believe he probably

has adenoids, or a tapeworm,

or bad heredity, or maybe all three.

He requires medical surveillance.

What is this foul-mouthed rubbish?

Madam...

A seedy supervisor

criticizing the Pitart-Vergniolles!

Criticizing the Pitart-Vergniolles!

A down-and-out

trying to land private lessons?

- Madam, I was talking...

- Chasing after decorations!

- I already have them morally!

- Excuse yourself

instead of talking nonsense.

Mr. Muche, if this slanderer

remains in your school,

I withdraw my three sons

on the spot.

As for his hypocritical report,

this is what I say!

You addressed this woman

with stupefying audacity.

Catch with her before she leaves

and excuse yourself.

I had no intention of offending her.

If she does not forgive you,

your career

is seriously compromised.

I'm running, headmaster.

Good day, headmaster.

I have some advice to ask you.

Come back at noon.

Excuse me,

I should rather speak to you now.

- I believe the timing's right.

- Go ahead.

You're not only master and director

of this school,

you're the highest moral authority.

If you like.

Which is why I seek your advice

on a personal affair.

I have a friend who is young,

handsome,

- and who has a promising future.

- And?

He's in love with a young girl

who is not indifferent

to his charm,

for she encourages his advances.

And?

Normally, it should end in marriage,

but there is a difference

in fortune and position.

My friend is a lieutenant,

and the young girl's father

is a general.

Here is my question for you:

if my friend approaches the father,

how will he react?

A question that deserves study.

Is your friend an honest man?

Yes, I guarantee it.

Is the general kindhearted?

He has a general's soul.

Your friend should present himself.

He will be received with open arms.

Well then, the general is you.

I'm the general?

The lieutenant is Topaze,

the girl the gracious Miss Muche.

- Topaze wants to marry my daughter?

- Yes.

And you say she's encouraged him?

Very discreetly,

like a well-bred girl.

For example?

She entrusts him with her homework,

they meet here during playtime.

- It's idyllic.

- I'll study the question.

- What do I tell Topaze?

- Nothing.

I'll talk to him myself...

I have a question for you.

- Do you think electricity is free?

- In what sense?

You forgot to switch off the lights

in your classroom.

They were still on this morning.

I will withhold 300 francs

plus a 1 00-franc fine.

Furthermore,

if you were more attentive

in your classroom,

I would not have the displeasure

of reading, engraved in a desk,

in large capital letters:

"Muche is a swine."

- Which desk?

- Go look, Mr. Tamise.

Find the guilty party

or you'll replace the desk.

And since you asked my advice,

listen to this:

stick to your job rather than

playing matchmaker

and manservant. Good day!

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