Tour de Pharmacy

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Edgar Wright:

Stage 13 of the Tour de France,

quite possibly

the most difficult climb

of the entire race.

But one rider,

Italy's JuJu Peppi,

is absolutely burning up

this mountain...

...nearing the top

of the Pyrenees

minutes ahead of the pack.

He's practically

dancing on the pedals

as he blasts

past other riders,

showing no signs of fatigue.

Jon Hamm The Tour de France,

the crme de la crme of cycling.

At some point during

the three-week race,

half the world

will tune in.

With 3.5 billion viewers,

it is far and away

the most-watched

sporting event on Earth,

but it is also perhaps

the most controversial.

Wright:

JuJu's opened an impressive lead

with his

record-setting pace.

JuJu now relieving himself,

which is a thing

that cyclists actually do,

and he's making quite a mess

as he continues

to burn up the mountainside.

Unbelievable!

JuJu Peppi's legs pumping away,

pushing his body

to its absolute limits!

How is he doing this?

How is he doing this?

Hamm:

And just then...

...JuJu Peppi's

heart exploded.

Wright:
Here we go!

He's into the tuck for the downhill.

No one even knew

he was dead

for about

12 kilometers.

Wright:

Look at that form!

He's perfectly still

for optimum wind resistance!

Hamm:
He died...

with his dick out.

In the autopsy,

they found out

JuJu was on EPO

and cocaine.

Also, some insulin

and anabolic steroids,

Oxabolone

and Nandrolone.

Trace amounts of

Norethandrolone and Furazabol.

They even found some

heroin in his system.

There was also Letrozole

and Cyclazadone,

some estrogen

receptor modulators,

Raloxifene

and Tamoxifen...

probably to ward off

breast growth.

A lot of Oxycodone

in his blood,

Phentermine as well.

Ortetamine, Bunolol,

and Labetalol.

Plus he had apparently

huffed ethanol

and taken

a couple MDAs.

He had clearly smoked some

crystal meth and/or crack,

and there was a hormone

from monkey testicles

that he had cooked down

into a broth that he drank.

He also

had apparently eaten

at least one sandwich

from Arby's.

Hamm:
JuJu Peppi

gave himself a huge edge

at the 1982 Tour de France with

performance-enhancing drugs.

Man:

Oh my God!

Man:
What the f***?

Jesus Christ!

Hamm:

But he was far from alone that year.

In what has now become known

as the Tour de Pharmacy,

athletes took drug abuse to a level

never seen before or thereafter,

creating supermen

in Superman spandex,

attempting to traverse

2,179 miles

and over some of the most treacherous

mountain ranges on the planet.

But how do you tell

the story of a bike race,

the story

of 170 extreme personalities

all vying

for a common goal?

You probably could,

but it would take forever.

Luckily, we only have to tell

the story of five of them.

Rex Honeycut:
Well,

the atmosphere is positively electric

as the town of Basel

has gathered to greet

the riders who have come

from all over the world.

Here's one now,

arriving all the way from the United States,

Slim Robinson.

Hey.

Hi, Slim. Welcome.

Slim Robinson was

sports royalty.

His uncle was Jackie Robinson,

who, of course,

was the first black man

in professional baseball.

And throughout his life,

Slim excelled at many different sports,

but obviously struggled

to stand out like his uncle,

because he wasn't

the only black athlete...

until he found cycling,

which was very white.

And it made him happy,

because it was the last sport

where he could break

the color line.

My uncle was the first

black something.

I wanted to be the first

black something too.

First one to ever

do it, baby. Woo!

Slim Robinson!

Seeing another black

man on a bicycle was

a huge deal

for me, you know?

So,

a lot of people think of me as a boxer,

but what they really didn't know

is that I love bicycles.

When I was a kid,

I got a Schwinn bicycle,

and, man, I would ride

that bicycle all over

New York City.

But then one day

my bicycle was stolen.

When I finally found out

who stole my bicycle,

I beat the sh*t

outta that kid, man.

And I realized, "Hey,

I'm a better fighter

than I am a cyclist."

And this is how

I became a boxer.

My whole life,

people have been referring

to me as the nephew

of Jackie Robinson.

But I think

after what I do here today,

they're gonna start

calling him "Slim's uncle."

Really? You think

that people will start

to call Jackie Robinson

"Slim's uncle"?

Absolutely. Yeah.

I disagree.

Hamm:
But what no one knew

was that the color barrier

would not be the only

barrier to fall that year.

Because

I am woman,

everyone think I cannot

do what a man can do.

"How can you ride without

the dick and the balls?

How can you ride

a bike with a...

how you say?

You say "p*ssy."

So, this is why I had

to disguise myself as a man.

Honeycut:
Adrian Baton,

the great French mystery.

Being your first Tour,

were you rattled by anything?

The... the shaving of legs.

I've never done this before,

so this is

a first, uh...

I am a man, you are a man.

We don't shave our legs.

Right, but as a cyclist,

it's essential, isn't it?

But it is weird.

It was my first time talking

in public as a man...

Someone smells of lilac.

Is it her?

Oh, yes, uh,

very lilac

and very hot.

Ho, ho, ho, ho,

what a hot chick.

...and I think I nailed it.

Hamm:
There were still other firsts at the

'82 Tour,

including the appearance

of Marty Hass,

the first-ever

African cyclist.

Marty Hass. Marty Hass.

Africa! What's up, Africa?

Feeling strong, ready for the race?

Woo!

Marty:
Oh, I was...

I was just, uh,

psyched, psyched,

psyched to be there,

you know,

representing Nigeria

and all my Nigerian

brothers and chicks.

Marty's father owned

a diamond mine

near Nigeria's capital...

...where he went to an

all-American private school.

He rarely associated

with actual Nigerians.

At a young age, Marty established

himself as the country's best cyclist,

because everyone else was

on bicycles made out of wood.

But on a serious note, Rex,

it is truly an honor

to be here to represent Africa,

because... I don't know

if you know this, but Africa's

actually going through

some pretty weak stuff.

Right. For example, oftentimes,

it'll get pretty warm there.

Here in Nigeria,

we hate Marty Hass.

Marty Hass would

walk into a bar,

then he would go

over to the jukebox

and put on Bob Marley, "Legend,"

and be shouting,

"African music!"

Jamaica is not in Africa.

Well, you seem very,

very proud of your homeland.

Indeed I am.

You know, I miss it.

Being here in France,

I miss it back home,

and... I bless the rains

down in Africa.

Right, right,

like the song.

Oh, I'm not familiar

with that.

It's the lyrics

to the Toto song, "Africa."

Uh, I'm not familiar

with that.

But at any rate,

it's gonna take a lot...

Both:

To drag me away from you.

From you. That's what I was gonna say!

Shall we do it in harmony?

That's so bizarre.

I was gonna say,

"Drag me away from you,

from this great interview."

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