Trailer Park Boys: Countdown To Liquor Day

---

That wasn't so bad!

Here I am...

Paradise.

I've got everything I want.

But it doesn't add up to sh*t.

'Cause I fell in love

with the wrong man.

Be careful who you love.

First thing I'm doing

when I get home.

I'm gonna rub some cat food

just on my cheeks like that.

Let all the kitties come up

and lick it off me.

There's no better feeling

than a little miniature

sandpaper-tongue kitty.

Well, they let everybody out,

you know, in 2 shifts.

There's a morning parole

and an afternoon parole.

I got morning parole. Thank God...

Ricky and Julian are getting out

this afternoon, hopefully,

if everything goes right.

Hi. My name's Julian.

Inmate number 212457.

Thank you for your time today.

Have a seat.

Name and prisoner number please?

You know who I f***ing am.

And here's my goddamn number

right here.

Just read what they say right on me,

right here!

Well, Ricky, we've been--

Can you smoke in here?

This here's a certificate

for an auto body technician.

It's a course that I took in jail.

Good!

Let's get the f*** going here,

get on with this and get me out.

'Cause I know

you're gonna let me out anyway.

It's 40 grand a year minimum

to f***ing keep me here.

I've seen that on TV in jail.

It's overcrowded.

I didn't even do anything that bad.

Okay, sir. What I've put together

is a 4-year plan

for a business that I wanna open,

it's called Success Auto Body.

Yep.

And I plan on opening up

the business in my trailer,

that was given to me

by my grandmother...

and turn it into an auto body shop.

I didn't get any diploma yet,

but I'm gonna be getting the grade 12.

Once you have that,

you can pretty much do anything.

Myself. I've learned my lesson.

And the only way to succeed in life

is to be legitimate,

and to stay away from crime.

Your friend Julian has convinced us

that he will be a success...

All right, in his business.

Well, I'm gonna work for him,

so that makes me a success, so--

It doesn't automatically.

It's a long road to success, sir.

Sir, it's gonna be 100% legitimate.

I will be a taxpayer as of today

if you grant me with this release.

There's no chance you might

find a way to, say,

chop a few cars in your spare time?

No, sir.

What's the right answer here, guys?

I'm gonna go get a job

or go f***ing grow some dope

and sell a bit of dope

and support my family that way--

Excuse me?

I can tell you whatever

you wanna hear or be honest.

I'll grow dope,

that's what I'm good at.

I grow the best dope of anyone

I've ever met.

I've been looking through

these papers here

and it mentions

a fellow named Jim Lahey.

Trailer Park superintendent.

There seems to be

some ongoing problems with...

you and him.

Is this going to continue

when you come out of prison?

No, absolutely not.

Can I have a cigarette then?

Take him back to his seat!

Why don't you ask Darren

how high he is?

Just one drag! F*** off and let me

have a cigarette!

Give those back!

You left them out to tease me!

Come on!

Just one little drag...

I'm never gonna give up on success.

That is the only thing that's on my mind

right now.

I'm never coming back to jail.

And I'm going to be successful.

Let's make sure

we don't see you here again.

Well, I came in on the bus,

you know,

with this vision of Sunnyvale

in my head,

and I get off the bus

and I'm f***ing stunned!

I mean, it's demolished,

the trailers are down...

the grass is growing up,

garbage everywhere.

F***ing dogs eating out

of old garbage bags and lickin' things.

This is disastrous!

So I immediately, you know,

I wanted to go to my shed,

and check on that

and check on my kitties...

Not even a f***ing nibble!

I'd constructed a food mountain

in there for them,

and left water for them, and the

f***ing thing's barely touched,

'cause someone boarded up

the cat door.

Cocksucker!

It's just not right.

It's really eerie here.

Something's fucky.

Boys, stay in a single file

as you're leaving.

Step on the bus and make your way

to the back.

Hope you enjoyed your stay.

Don't come back.

You boys stay out of trouble.

Hey, boys!

Did you guys get

what I was talking about?

Good work.

Please tell me you got

a bit of smoke or something.

Check to see if the door's unlocked.

F*** that!

You idiot! Do you want

those guys to hear us?

They're deafer than 2 deaf donkeys.

Come on, just get in.

Pull up your pants!

Pull up your pants, Ricky!

It's the f***ing track pants!

Come on, baby, come on!

Quick, quick, quick!

Okay, we're good.

Go, go, go!

Boys, back off! I'm serious!

Don't blow this!

Come on, just back off!

Julian, I'm telling you.

Happens every time

with this dovametry crew.

They f***ing get too close

and they screw everything up.

Just shut up and put your box on.

Yeah.

You ready?

Why do I get a box and

you get a cool welding mask?

'Cause I'm in charge.

Everything's cool, man.

Guys, I'm serious, you gotta back off,

you're gonna f*** this up.

Get out of here. I'm serious.

Smarten up. Get over here!

Good afternoon, everyone!

My name is Bobby Boxhead.

This is not a robbery.

We're taking some money for charity

and some liquor, no big deal.

Everyone relax. This is not a robbery.

This is for charity.

This is my partner. Weldy Weldyface.

He will take all of your donations.

Everyone just relax.

Let's have some drinks, here.

Just like my partner Weldy Weldy.

Now, what the f*** do we have here?

You're not leaving the store!

Get on the f***ing ground!

Now, this is a f***ing robbery

'cause of these orange f*** fuckies!

Weldy, go clean out the till,

because of these guys right here,

this is now a robbery.

Sorry folks, the hunters f***ed this up.

I apologize.

You guys did f*** this up

for the charity. Now get up!

Yeah. I'm getting' up.

Get up! Get up and get the f*** out!

Go shoot your goddamn bunnies

and your f***ing gophers.

Okay. We're good.

We're good here.

All right. Thanks a lot.

Good job, everyone! Great robbery!

All right, now get this loaded

and stop f***ing around!

Later, f*** fucks!

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, come kitty!

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!

Come kitty! Come kitty!

Kitty come! Kitty come!

Kitty come! Kitty!

Kitties...?

Where the f*** are you guys?

Phil Collins...

Just keep at it.

Come on.

I don't know, boy. I don't know.

Thank God you're patient.

Phil Jacob?

Hey, Bubbles!

What's going on?

Go ask Lahey, at the new park.

F***!

New park?

Luxury estates is a testament

to inspiration

and a lot of work.

You know, when Ricky went back to jail,

it was like I was reborn.

Got off the hard liquor...

dropped 15 pounds,

got back to business.

I discovered that Barb's deed

to Sunnyvale included 50 acres

of prime development land.

I made a sweet deal with her:

sold off half,

and built this beautiful park.

God, Randy! Watch the dust!

Jeez, wingnut!

Randy, when are we getting

our septics?

Yeah, come on!

Made one critical mistake:

I put Randy in charge of the new sewer.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes