Transamerica Page #2

You don't wanna add

jumping bail to your permanent record.

l'll change my street name.

Something like Stanley.

Stan.

Stan the man.

That's my dad's name.

There's his picture.

He's with my mom.

Mmm.

You okay?

l'm a little dizzy.

Beverly Hills

is close to the ocean, right?

Maybe l'll learn how to surf.

Dye my hair blonde

for the movies.

They love blondes there.

l mean, blonde and blondes.

Stocks and blondes.

Bodacious blonde bottoms.

Not that l'm a bottom or anything.

Are you talking about

pornographic films?

Duh.

ls there a...

ladies room

in this establishment?

Oh!

- Hello.

- Margaret.

lt's Bree.

l'm in New York.

lt turns out this whole jail episode

was just a big mistake.

Talk to me.

He's a thoroughly independent

young man.

We're getting along famously.

He's going to come visit me

after my surgery,

and l promised to take him

to Disneyland.

l see.

So I tIhougIht I'd take

an early fligIht back tomorrow.

get back to work.

recoup some of tIhe money

I spent on tIhis trip

before my surgery next week.

- How are you?

- Right now,

l'm a little disappointed

because you're lying to me.

ls there anything else

you'd like to say?

There appears to be a step-father.

PerIhaps I can affect a reunion.

Have you ever head of

a place called Callicoon?

l just conferred with

my immediate superior at the church.

lt seems she feels

that getting you away

from this unwholesome

environment is my moral duty.

Free ride, free food,

free hotel rooms,

all the way to L.A.

Uh-huh.

Nothin's free.

You're gonna end up marryin' her

and spending the rest of your life

eating out cob-webby

old stank Christian p*ssy.

Hey, something

for the road, my man?

The finest Tecate.

F***, no, man.

l'm givin' that sh*t up.

Come on. lt's only

five dollars a bag over street price.

Convenience charge.

We could take it out of your cut

if she buys the car.

F*** you, dude.

All right.

Whatever.

You're the man.

No, wait. Hey.

l'm not marrying you.

Glory Hallelujah.

Almost new fan belt.

l changed the oil

a couple of months ago.

Only 230,000 miles.

lt just needs a little paint.

That's all.

lt runs perfect.

Guaranteed.

l've already arranged a rental.

But with this one,

when you get to California,

you could resell, make a profit.

A profit?

Fasten your seatbelt.

l don't like wearing them.

Well, l don't like the idea

of seeing your internal organs

splattered all over the dashboard

in case we get in a wreck,

God forbid, so put it on.

See this shirt?

Only cost me two dollars.

- Quel surprise.

- And the shoes.

Three dollars-- $1 .50 each.

You know how much these things

are worth in Japan?

- Three dollars.

- Like $500.

Japanese people

will kill for old Nikes.

Then you probably

should avoid wearing them in Japan.

Yeah, l'd probably be,

like, disemboweled by a ninja.

You don't have to say ''Like.''

''Probably disemboweled

by a ninja'' is sufficient.

And please don't put your feet

up on the dashboard.

No smoking in the car.

l thought instead

of going west on route 95,

we'd wind through

the mountains on route 20.

- Route 20 takes us close to Callicoon.

- l don't want to go there.

What l find absolutely

beyond comprehension

is how a person can perform

all those intimate acts

with just any stranger off the street.

Why should you give a sh*t?

Because it's

the Christian thing to do.

How much money did you make

per...assignation?

Forty or fifty dollars.

Are we gonna be

goin' through Texas?

lt's a pretty hard state to avoid.

Do you have any money for some food?

Oh.

Uh, l'm sorry l can't offer you

a private room.

The church has to conserve

its resources.

l've charted us a course

on the nice little red routes.

Callicoon is only about

l don't wanna go there.

These are nice beds.

Don't you have any pajamas?

No.

Well, you should get some.

Good night.

Rise and shine.

Up, up, up.

We've got a schedule to keep.

Did l put on too much blush?

You're weird.

Hmm.

First place l lived was, like,

a hole in the wall off Avenue C.

l had, like, four roommates.

One was a junkie,

one was a crack head,

one was, like,

a junkie, and the other one was,

well, like, a junkie.

Like, like, like.

Did you know

tIhe Lord Of TIhe Rings is gay?

l beg your pardon.

There's this big,

black tower, right?

And it points right at

this huge burning vagina thing,

and it's, like,

the symbol of ultimate evil.

And then,

Sam and Frodo

have to go into this cave

and deposit their magic ring

into this hot, steaming lava pit.

Only at the last minute,

Frodo can't perform,

so Gollum bites off his finger.

Gay.

Take 'em away

Take 'em away, Lord

Take away these chains from me

My heart is broken

'cause my spirit's not free

Lord, take away

these chains from me

Some birds' feathers

are too proud to be caged

l know l'm not that colorful

But a bird just the same

Open up your gate now,

let me put down my load

So l can feel at ease

and go back to my home

Take 'em away

Take 'em away, Lord

Take away these chains from me

What the f*** you lookin' at?

l just didn't think it was right

to come so close to Callicoon

without at least passing through.

Toby!

Where are you going?

You are acting like

a spoiled child.

Oh, my God,

l can't believe my eyes.

lt's my sweet little angel baby.

Take away these chains from me

My heart is broken

'cause my spirit's not free

Just give me another hug.

Oh, l could wring your neck

like a chicken.

My favorite boy.

And all this time,

not even a phone call

to let me know if

you're alive or dead.

l was never your favorite.

Oh, that's what you think.

l used to look at him

out that window,

playin' all day with that big dog.

Toby lived near here?

Just two doors up the road.

So, what you

been doin' with yourself?

l wanna know everything.

He's been in New York,

working toward developing

a career in the film industry.

l'm goin' to California.

California?!

He always was the artistic type.

He used to have

this precious stuffed monkey

he carried around with him everywhere,

even to school.

Are you in

the movie business, too?

She's a missionary with the church.

Praise the Lord.

l'm an electrologist myself.

Oh.

lf you want, l can get

those couple of little hairs

up under your nose in nothin' flat.

My boss lady down at the salon,

she used to work out in California.

From what l hear, some of them

Hollywood beauties

used to be hairy as hogs.

There.

That oughta keep 'em from

stickin' their heads up again.

Thank you.

You ought to go on over

and say hello to your step-daddy.

- l don't wanna see him.

- Of course you do.

The man raised you.

Clothed you.

Fed you.

Sheltered you from harm.

He's your father...

for all practical purposes.

He always was a sensitive thing.

You gonna drive him

all the way to California?

l have to get some air.

Excuse me, and thank you.

- Yeah?

- Good evening.

Do you per chance

know a Toby Wilkins?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes