Transformers Page #2

When I was your age, I'd have been

happy with four wheels and an engine.

Okay, let me explain

something to you. Okay?

- You ever see 40-Year-Old Virgin?

- Yeah.

Okay, that's what this is.

And this is 50-year-old virgin.

- Okay.

- You want me to live that life?

- No sacrifice, no victory.

- Yeah, no victory. You know, I got it.

- The old Witwicky motto, Dad.

- Right.

Gentlemen.

Bobby Bolivia, like the country,

except without the runs.

How can I help you?

Well, my son here,

looking to buy his first car.

- You come to see me?

- I had to.

That practically makes us family.

Uncle Bobby B, baby. Uncle Bobby B.

- Sam.

- Sam, let me talk to you.

Sam, your first enchilada of freedom

awaits underneath one of those hoods.

Let me tell you something, son.

A driver don't pick the car.

The car'll pick the driver.

It's a mystical bond

between man and machine.

Son, I'm a lot of things,

but a liar's not one of them.

Especially not in front of my mammy.

That's my mammy. Hey, Mammy!

Don't be like that.

If I had a rock, I'd bust your head, b*tch.

I tell you, man, she deaf, you know?

Well, over here, every piece of car

a man might want or need.

This ain't bad.

- This one's got racing stripes.

- Yeah.

It got racing...

Yeah, what's this?

What the heck is this?

I don't know nothing about this car.

- Manny!

- What?

What is this? This car! Check it out!

I don't know, boss! I've never seen it!

That's loco!

Don't go Ricky Ricardo on me, Manny!

Find out!

Feels good.

- How much?

- Well,

considering the semi-classic nature

of the vehicle,

with the slick wheels

and the custom paint job...

- Yeah, but the paint's faded.

- Yeah, but it's custom.

It's custom faded?

Well, this is your first car.

I wouldn't expect you to understand.

- Five grand.

- No, I'm not paying over four. Sorry.

Kid, come on, get out. Get out the car.

No, no, no.

You said cars pick their drivers.

Well, sometimes they pick a driver

with a cheap-ass father. Out the car.

Now, this one here

for four Gs is a beaut.

There's a Fiesta with racing stripes

over there.

No, I don't want a Fiesta

with racing stripes.

This is a classic engine right here.

I sold a car the other day...

Gee. Holy cow.

- No, no, no. No worries.

- You all right?

I'll get a sledgehammer and knock

this right out. Hey, hey, Manny!

Get your clown cousin

and get some hammers

and come bang this stuff out, baby!

...greater than man...

That one's my favorite,

drove all the way from Alabammy.

$4,000.

Steve.

Hello, Mr. Secretary.

They're so young.

They're the top

subject matter experts, sir.

NSA's recruiting right out of

high school these days.

Guys, that's the Secretary of Defense.

I am so underdressed.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the Secretary of Defense.

Please be seated.

I'm John Keller.

Obviously, you're wondering

why you're here, so these are the facts.

At 1900 local time yesterday,

the SOCCENT Forward Operations

Base in Qatar was attacked.

So far as we know,

there were no survivors.

The objective of the attack

was to hack our military network.

We're not sure

exactly what they're after,

but we do know that

they were cut off during the assault,

which would lead us to assume

that they're going to try it again.

Now, no one's taken responsibility

for the attack.

And the only real lead we have so far

is this sound.

That's the signal

that hacked our network.

NSA's working at full capacity

to analyze it

and intercept further communications,

but we need your help

to find out who did this.

Now, you've all shown considerable

ability in the area of signals analysis.

We're on a hair-trigger here, people.

The President has dispatched

battle groups

to the Arabian Gulf and Yellow Sea.

This is as real as it's ever gonna get.

Now I'm gonna leave you

to your officer-in-charge.

You'll break up into teams

and you'll start your work.

Good luck to us all.

All right, Mojo. I got the car.

Now I need the girl.

I need money to take out the girl

is what I need.

Zero bids.

Great. Broke.

Come on, Mojo.

You want your pain pills?

No. Premature.

Good. What's up?

Nothing. You know, just driving my car.

Driving my car.

It's like clockwork.

All right, I know you get wasted

on these things,

but if you piss in my bed again,

you're sleeping outside. Okay?

That's it for today. No more. Crackhead.

- Ron, this one is uneven.

- Yeah. Probably.

This one is wobbly.

- Yeah. I'll take care of that real soon.

- Couldn't we have hired a professional?

- Sam...

- What?

I do not like footprints on my grass.

- What foot... There's no footprints.

- That's why I built my path.

So why don't you go from my grass

onto my path, okay?

- It's family grass, Dad.

- Well, when you own your own grass,

- you'll understand.

- This... I can't do it anymore.

- You're putting girl jewelry on a boy dog.

- What?

He's got enough self-esteem issues

as a Chihuahua, Mom.

That's his bling.

I want you home at 11:00!

- Yeah, all right.

- 11:
00!

Please, for the love of God, drive safely.

Seat belt on!

Wow. You are so cheap.

Well, it's his first car.

Supposed to be like that.

At this time, we can't confirm

whether there were any survivors.

Oh, my God.

Our bases worldwide are, as of now,

at DEFCON Delta,

our highest readiness level.

We're dealing with

a very effective weapons system

that we have not come across before.

But our prayers are with the families

of the brave men and women...

Honey, Daddy's gonna be okay.

I've never seen a weapons system

like this.

The thermal shows this weird aura

around the exoskeleton

like it's cloaked

by some kind of invisible force field.

That's impossible. There's no

such thing as invisible force fields

except in, like, comic book stuff, right?

- Man, I don't know.

- What is that?

My mama, she had the gift, you know?

She saw things. I got the gene, too,

and that thing that attacked us?

I got a feeling it ain't over.

How about you use

those magic voodoo powers

and get us the hell out of here, huh?

When I took that picture,

I think it saw me.

It looked right at me.

All right, we got to get this thing

back to the Pentagon right away.

They got to know what

we're dealing with here.

My radio's fried.

- I got no communication with aerial.

- Hey, Mahfouz.

- How far do you live from here?

- Not far. Just up that mountain.

- Do they have a phone?

- Yes.

All right, let's hit it.

Dude, are you sure

we're invited to this party?

Of course, Miles.

It's a lake. Public property.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, dude, Mikaela's here.

Just don't do anything weird, all right?

- I'm good, right?

- Yeah, you're good.

Okay.

Hey, guys, check it out.

Oh, hi.

Hey, bro. That car. It's nice. Hey.

So, what are you guys doing here?

We're here to climb this tree.

I see that. It looks... It looks fun.

- Yeah.

- You know, I thought I recognized you.

You tried out for the football team

last year, right?

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