Trespassers

Stupid piece of sh*t.

Colin! Hey, hey, can you hear me?

Colin. Colin, listen man...

No, no, no. I got crap reception. | So here's the deal.

The Gulf Stream storm is kicking up | the El Gringo tubes, man.

You're never gonna see waves like it.

F*** all that, it's our waves, man.

There's no f***ing locals, | no f***ing waxboys.

Just real motherfucking surfers!

Shane, you better catch | that f***ing wave, man!

Listen, man, I'm telling you, | it's f***ing going off here.

I love this place, man.

It's great. | It's Mexico without the f***ing Mexicans.

What more can you ask for?

All right. Seriously, man, I don't know | when I'm gonna see you again.

You come down, we'll party it up.

We'll surf our asses off. | We'll have a great f***ing time.

All right? You're gonna come down?

Sweet, that a boy.

All right, peace.

Hey, Maya, can you get me a beer?

God, there's so many stars.

Hey, when's your little brother | coming down?

Late tomorrow or early Friday.

He's trying to get some friends | to come along.

Jesus, tell him to bring | some hotties with him.

What?

Who needs girls | when you have waves like this?

It's easy for you to say. You haven't been | humping your fist all week.

Hey, where's Shane?

I don't know, I haven't seen him all day. | Or Jen.

The bunny rabbits were up in that tent | all night last night.

How come we can't hear them now?

What?

You think something happened to them?

Who needs a beer?

- I do. | - Hit me.

- All right. | - Oh my... Sh*t.

Mr. Fireman.

Shane!

Not good. Warm beer.

No ice.

Somebody booted in the cooler.

What the f***?

Don't do that! You scared me.

I look that bad?

No, somebody... | Somebody did something to the cooler.

Hey, are you following me?

Well, where are you going?

To the tent.

Then, yeah.

What the f*** was that?

What the f*** was what?

F***ing Shane!

No, no, no, no. Forget Shane.

Shane?

Come on.

Come back in here, please, please, please.

It's over.

Shane.

- Shane. | - Come on, he's not out there.

What the f***!

Maya!

Do I need any lip gloss?

You do know that you're retarded, right?

Which one's your man's apartment?

Oh, I'm not sure. He just moved in.

He's not my man.

He's a good friend of mine.

And we happened to hook up last month.

- How was he? | - We didn't go all the way.

But now you want to take him | south of the border?

Oh, it's Apartment D, right there.

Hello?

Hello?

Colin?

Got you pretty good.

Colin's loading the car.

Nice car.

Don't forget to pick up the kids | from soccer practice...

after you're done grocery shopping.

Not exactly the Babemobile, is it?

You don't even have a car.

This is true.

Did you talk to Tyler?

He wasn't picking up this morning.

He's probably been on the water | since sunrise.

He says that they've got these epic waves | coming in.

You surf?

I'll try anything once.

Jesus Christ, did you hear what she said?

I'm gonna hold her to that.

Why did you invite him?

He kind of invited himself.

Don't you find him a bit obnoxious?

He's just playing around, | he's like that all the time.

That's what I'm afraid of.

- All right, pump it up. | - Yeah.

Look out!

Javier!

Got your voicemails, bro. Six-foot swells?

And building, man.

Tight!

PARKlNG ONLY FOR EMERGENClES

So how much longer until we get to...

What's the name of this place again?

Punta Abreojos.

About six to eight more hours.

We gotta make a quick stop | outside of Ensenada.

- Why? | - For supplies.

You have been to this place before, right?

Nope.

My brother Tyler just found it.

He's been going up and down | the Pacific Coast...

Iooking for awesome surf spots.

Called me up, said come down.

Said it was beautiful, it was wild, | and it was epic...

and we have the beach | completely to ourselves.

Well, after six f***ing hours in that car...

it better be paradise.

What's wrong with my car?

Anyways, where are we sleeping? | Where's the hotel?

There's no hotel, we got tents.

Tents.

- How many? | - A couple.

Some of us will have to share.

So...

Lucky.

Lucky.

Do you surf?

No, I can't swim.

No, but actually this is kind of a dry run | for me, you know?

I mean if this Puto Abri Locos is as--

Punta Abreojos, man.

It means "point of open eyes."

All right.

If it's as good as Colin says it is, | I'm gonna come back with some babes...

start shooting... Check it out.

Surf porn.

"Surf porn"?

It's a totally untapped market, you know?

I mean, imagine this, right?

You guys, you got some hot dudes | crashing big waves in the background.

In the foreground...

we got some hot chicks, by the way, | we are accepting resumes...

sucking each other's titties, going down | on each other, the whole deal.

It's beautiful, and the promo, | the promo reads like this, right?

"There's more than one way | to wet your stick."

You know, it could work, | if you think about it.

For every perverted freak | that's got $10 in one hand...

and a bottle of lotion in the other hand...

and every one of them buys a tape.

See, somebody gets it. Target marketing.

- Thank you, Ashley. | - You're encouraging him.

No, if Tyler finds out that you brought down | a whole bunch of posers--

Yeah, yeah, when he sees me rolling in there | with a dozen scantily clad coeds...

And then what?

That's what I'm talking about.

- What? | - What?

He's like a walking boner.

Hey, what's this "25 km"?

Kilometers.

They're like little miles.

Why don't they just use miles?

Damn, Lucky.

Come on, let's go get a shot right now. | Come on.

I am not leaving here | without a shot of tequila in me.

Rose, you can't go | into a place like that alone.

Come on, where's your sense of adventure?

Where's your sense?

One shot. One shot.

- Come on, one shot! | - All right, all right.

One.

- Hey-- | - Watch the car, we'll be back in a minute.

Oh, yeah.

Can't get this back home.

- One tequila, please. | - Sure.

- Do the shot. | - I don't drink.

Thank you.

You have nice tits.

Can we go now, please?

Okay. Have to go.

- Bye. | - Thank you.

We sure get fresh meat here.

Oh, sh*t. Lucky's gone.

I am not sharing a tent with that freak. | Javier, maybe.

I thought you and I would share a tent.

Don't you want to go with Colin, | so you can "get it on"?

Should l?

If you don't, I will. | He's too damn cute not to f***.

Okay, why are you my friend?

Good evening.

How much?

$20.

$20.

See you later.

What is that?

To keep you sharp | all the way to Punta Abreojos.

- It's cool. | - Relax.

These girls are with me, all right?

- Okay, goodbye. | - Goodbye.

Bye.

- Goodbye. | - Goodbye.

- Are you guys all right? | - Yeah.

Never touch my guitar, all right?

We were only playing La Bamba.

Where's Lucky?

No, no, I was just... I was just...

I was just...

Break it up now!

Wait!

- Watch it, whitey. | - Just a second.

Lucky, give me $20.

- For what? | - Give me $20!

Wait a minute.

Come on. Come on.

- $20 each. | - Come on, Lucky.

Sir.

I'm sorry, sir.

There's no problem.

Okay, help the poor guy.

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