Trevor Noah: Afraid of the Dark Page #2

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I want to go to a place where people

don't look at me like I don't belong.

Tell me all about Africa, baby.

Tell me all about it."

And I could feel what she was saying.

And I knew that people

weren't having a good time.

And then you fast-forward...

to 2016.

I'll never forget that moment

when Donald Trump...

closed the lead,

had a one-in-two chance of being

President of the United States.

And for the first time in my life,

I had white Americans

coming up to me, going,

"So, Trevor, tell me about Africa.

What's going on out there?

It's, uh--

Sounds like a plan, am I right?

What is it, motherland? Motherland, yeah.

Yeah. I should come with you.

Ali boma ye. Count me in, buddy."

And it's not just America as well.

It's not just America.

You know, a lot of Americans were shocked

by that rhetoric,

but if you expanded your view,

you realized that the rise of nationalism

is taking place all over the world.

In Austria, in Australia.

In England. That was what Brexit

was all about. Right?

They made it seem like it was about

the economy, but it wasn't.

The truth was it was fundamentally people

who wanted their country back.

It never went anywhere.

But they still wanted it back.

I saw people on the news,

talking to the BBC.

"That's why I'm voting for Brexit, right?

Because this bloody country

is going to the dogs.

Right? This bloody country.

And I want Britain back.

That's why we voted for Brexit,

because we want Britain back!"

From who?

From who?

Britain is, like, 95% white.

Who do you want it back from?

People say the weirdest things,

the craziest things.

"These bloody immigrants come over here.

They're up to no good, right?

I hate these bloody immigrants. They need

to go back to where they came from."

-But why do you hate them so much?

-"I'll tell you why I hate them.

Because they're not even trying

to be British. That's why.

They don't even try to be British.

They come here.

They bring their own bloody culture.

They bring their own food,

spit their own bloody languages,

try to take over the whole bloody place."

That sounds British to me.

If there's one country...

if there's one nation in the world,

that has no right to complain

about immigration,

it's Great Britain.

If there's one nation in particular.

You do understand,

they created the problem

that they are now dealing with.

They went out and colonized the world.

At one point, half of the globe

was controlled by the British Empire.

Do you understand how insane that is?

They went around colonizing

from pillar to post.

People didn't care about them.

No one was trying to find the British.

The British were the ones

traveling the world,

telling everyone of their existence,

knocking on doors.

"Hey, we're the British. Follow us."

It's basically ancient Twitter,

that's what that was.

I'm not saying the British are bad people,

by the way.

I understand that colonization was

something that was popular at one time.

Many European countries

participated in it.

But the British were the best.

They were the best.

It's not because they were bad. I think--

I blame it on the weather.

That's what I think happened.

I think they have bad weather,

and bad weather makes you a bad person.

Yeah, because if you think about it,

there was no one from a tropical climate

who was trying to take over the world.

You don't ever hear stories

of Caribbean conquerors.

Yeah, there's no stories of, like,

Troy The Terrible from Trinidad.

You don't hear these stories.

There's no need for that.

When the weather is horrible,

you want to go somewhere else

and take it from somebody.

If you're living in a beautiful paradise,

you have no need to leave.

Could you imagine that scene?

Just some random handsome guys

hanging out on a beach in the Caribbean,

one looking at the other out of nowhere.

"Darius. Darius!"

"What, Troy?"

"I was thinking, bro.

Stay with me here. I was thinking, right?

We should build boats,

sail around the world

and force everyone to dance Calypso."

It wouldn't happen.

It just wouldn't happen.

The British colonized with class.

They went all over the globe.

And colonization--

we read it about it now,

and it seems normal

'cause it's in the history book.

They colonize.

When you think about colonization,

it's the strangest thing

you can think about.

'Cause conquering is one thing.

You go to another country,

you take what's theirs.

You want more-- you take the land.

You take the resources.

You kill the people.

That I understand.

But colonization--

I don't condone. I understand.

But colonization is strange,

because you go there,

and you don't just take over.

You then force the people to become you.

That is such a strange concept

when you think

about where the British did it.

I mean, they did it in Africa.

You know, they did it in Asia.

And think about in India.

Those cultures could not be

more diametrically opposed.

And out of nowhere,

the British just decided to roll up.

Imagine what the Indians

must have felt like on that day.

Minding your own business.

Walking through a field.

Next thing you know,

the British showed up on horseback.

"Hear ye, hear ye!

By order of Her Majesty the Queen,

we have arrived!

"You over there!

What is the name of this land?"

"This land over here?

This is called India."

"Well, my good man, I am here to tell you

that India is now under

the British Empire."

"And I'm glad that I can tell you

that India is exactly

where it was yesterday."

"No, no. I feel you're not understanding

what I'm saying.

I'm letting you know

that we are here to colonize you

by order of the Queen."

"Who is the Queen?"

"The Queen.

The Queen of England,

the Ruler of Great Britain.

She who was ordained by God."

"Which god?"

"God. The one true God."

"There are many gods, my friend.

What is the name of your god?"

"There is only one God.

And his name is God,

and you, too, shall worship him."

"You want me to worship a god,

but you don't want to tell me his name?

What are you talking about?

There are many gods.

There is Shiva. There's Lakshmi.

There's Hari Krishna. There are many gods!

What is the name of your god?"

"His name is God!"

"You don't know the name of your god?"

"It's just God!"

"Is it like Mommy or Daddy?

You want me to worship your god,

but you don't want to tell me his name?

How am I going to pray to him?

What do I do? Every morning, I wake up

and I pray:
'Oh, dear God, I was hoping

that maybe, God, you could help me--

No. Sorry, not you. Other god.

No, no, other god. No, no.

Wrong god. No, God.

I was trying to talk-- No, no.

You're right. I should have asked

for your first name. No, God.

No, other god, please.

No, behind that god.

No, not you today, God. Other god.

Right. He told me you would know

who I was talking to.

No, other god, please. That god on the--

No, no. That god, you--'

Then I wonder why my prayers

are not getting answered."

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