Trevor Noah: Lost in Translation Page #7

and killing nine people."

It's always a lone gunman, yeah.

"A lone gunman with no ties

to society whatsoever."

They always separate him

as quickly as possible.

I love how they do that.

"He kept to himself

and was notoriously unfriendly.

He had no friends whatsoever."

No, no friends, really?

No, no friends?

Not even one?

Not even one?

[cheers and applause]

No friends?

I--

Not even on Facebook?

No, everyone has friends

on Facebook, come on.

You're telling me

the guy had no friends.

It's almost like as the shooting

happens, everyone's like,

"What? Dillon? Unfriend,

unfriend, unfriend, unfriend,

unfriend, unfriend, unfriend,

unfriend, unfriend."

It's the weirdest thing ever.

And the first thing they always

go to is mental instability.

That's what they go to,

the first thing.

They never go with terrorism.

"What happened? Are we--are we

saying this was terrorism?"

"Whoa, wait. We're not gonna

jump to that conclusion.

"This was a young man who was

really mentally--

He was unstable.

He was a troubled young man."

But he was a terrorist 'cause he

committed a terrorist act.

He walked into a building,

shot a bunch of people

to try to spread a message

of hatred, right.

He was trying to pass something.

He was trying to do something.

That's an act of terror.

"Now, well--well, look.

No, not necessarily.

He was a troubled young man."

"Yes, and a terrorist."

"Yeah, but he was

mentally unstable."

"Just like terrorists."

That's exactly

what a terrorist is.

There's no normal reason

to blow yourself up.

That is ridiculous as sh*t.

You're crazy.

[cheers and applause]

You're crazy,

but you're still a terrorist.

It's weird. It's almost like

without realizing it,

what they're saying

on the news is,

"You know, this young white man

"is clearly struggling

with something.

"I mean, because why would you

forgo all that privilege?

Why would you"--

[laughter]

"I mean,

he was a young white man.

"Why would you throw that

all away by--

"I mean, if he was a minority, I

get it, 'cause that sh*t sucks.

But I mean, why would you

throw it--He must be crazy."

[laughter]

This is madness.

I refuse to be part of this.

I refuse to live in a world

who will deny white people,

the moniker of terrorist.

That's racism, people,

that's what that is.

If a white man, through hard

work and determination,

commits an act of terror,

he deserves to be called

a terrorist.

He worked for it, damn it.

You don't deprive him of that

because of the color

of his skin.

You give it to him

and you put him up there.

Bin Waleed and Charlie.

It's terrorism.

We all--we all have our

prejudices, don't get me wrong.

It's not like I--

You know, I try to be better.

I really do.

I realize every now and again

I do things that I'm not

particularly proud of, you know.

Like, for instance,

whenever I fly into America,

if I've been out of the country

and flying back into America,

I always try to fly

on Middle Eastern airlines

specifically.

So I'll fly on Emirates or Qatar

or Etihad or one of those.

And the reason I do this

is because I feel

there's less chance...

[laughter]

That somebody--

[laughter]

[applause]

That some--And this may sound a

little bit racist,

You have every right

to be offended, you really--

But I feel like there's less

chance that somebody

will attack one of those planes,

for--for a few reasons.

Number one, because they're

not proving a point.

The plane's already

Muslim owned, Muslim run.

They're not converting anybody.

And secondly,

and more importantly on my side,

I think there's a small chance

somebody could defuse

the situation.

Someone could talk them down

just because they speak

the same language, yeah.

That's--that's half of terror

for me

is the fact that you don't

understand what the person says.

The guy's speaking Arabic.

Arabic, it puts fear

in the hearts of all men.

[imitating Arabic]

You never think good things

when you hear Arabic.

Yeah, we watch--we watch

too many movies and TV shows.

Like, you--whenever

you hear Arabic,

then some bad sh*t happens

immediately.

That's always what happens.

[imitating Arabic]

[imitates explosion]

It's never something cool

or sexy.

It's never like,

[imitating Arabic]

[whooshes]

It's never that.

And so it makes you think, it

makes you think a certain way.

I know--I know

I'm not any different.

I was on a flight,

my first Middle Eastern flight,

flying on an Emirates plane,

and this man emerged

from the galley.

He had a long beard

and he was carrying a box,

and he just went off,

he was like,

[imitating Arabic]

And I was like, "Aah!"

[screaming]

[scream fades]

Chicken, please.

Chicken.

Sorry, I--

I get really excited

with chicken.

I'm--I'm sorry for that.

Sorry.

"That, my friend, excited?

You looked petrified."

I said, "I am, of the flavor.

"Chicken, wah!

I love chicken.

I love chicken so much."

He's like, "Oh, is that the--

is that the black thing?"

I said, "That's racist."

[laughter]

It's just--

it's just a little thing

that makes me think

there's a chance

that if someone understands

the language

they may be able

to talk the guy down.

You--there could be. There could

be a terrorist on the plane.

Guy with a suicide vest.

We'll be flying

40,000 feet in the sky.

Man jumps off, losing his head.

There he is,

[imitating Arabic]

And just maybe, maybe some guy

will be opposite him like,

"Hey!

What are you doing?"

"I'm going to blow up this plane

to show everybody

that Allah is great!"

"Yeah, but...

we know this."

[laughter]

"Everybody here knows this.

So what are you doing?"

"I wanted to show all of you

the power of--"

"What are you showing us

if we already know, huh?

"What are you showing us?

Are you saying

"we are not good Muslims, is

that what you are saying, huh?

"Are you saying we do not know

the power of Allah?

"Is that what you are saying?

You are saying we are bad

Muslims. What are you saying?"

"No, my friend, please, I was

not trying to offend you.

"I was just trying to kill you.

Listen to what I

wanted to show you."

"What are you showing me, huh?

"Are you saying I do not pray,

is that what you are saying?

"You're a better Muslim than me?

"You think I'm not good Muslim

just because

"I'm watching "Cloudy with

a Chance of Meatballs,

is that what you think, huh?

What are you saying?"

"No, I'm not saying that.

I wanted to--"

"What are you show--You show

nothing. You make us look bad.

"Why don't you preach? Why

don't you talk to people, huh?

"This is not Islam. What are you

doing with your stupid dress?

Blah blah blah, blah blah blah.

You make us all look bad."

"No, no, I was not--"

"No, you're not trying nothing.

"No, you even got

your vest backward.

You don't even know

what you are doing here."

"Sorry, it's my first time.

I never done this before."

"Yeah, yes, story, story. Sit

down, shut up, eat something."

"I don't know if I can--"

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