Tromeo and Juliet Page #3

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Halloween in July ball

at filmmaker Cap Capulet's.

Capulet is famous

for such films...

I don't know why we're going

to this stupid party, Murray.

You just want to cause sh*t.

You know why you're going, trom.

Your precious rosy

is on the guest list.

Moo, how do I look?

If I lived on a farm,

I'd f*** you.

MAN:
(On radio)

With Juliet Capulet

about to marry Arbuckle,

could it be that Capulets

planned merger of meat

and movies is finally

in our midst?

No, no, no, no, Carl,

you're cutting too much fat off.

One word, more fat.

Fat is good for people.

That's what we like

to hear here at Meat World.

Mr. Arbuckle.

Mr. Arbuckle, what in

what on God's earth is this?

I found it on the baby goats.

Oh, gross.

Must have crawled through

the cellar window and died.

Still looks like it could be

kind of tasty though.

Bet we could make several

dozen hot dogs out of it.

Why don't you throw it in with

the pig snouts, tails,

and hooves?

Yes sir.

Juliet.

What do you think

of my milkman costume, Juliet?

It's very nice, London.

It's so great, just great

that you came to pick me up

for the party tonight.

Oh, jeez.

I almost forgot.

I got you a gift.

I finally figured out something

to do with those pigs' ears.

It's new and oh so delicioso

and you're gonna be

the first one to try it out.

It's raisin loaf.

It's like olive loaf

but it's not.

It's raisin loaf.

Why? Because there are

raisins in it.

Oh, wow!

It totally blows my mind.

Nobody's ever made

a raisin loaf before, Juliet.

No.

Here, try a slice.

Uh, London!

I'm macrobiotic.

You're bionic?

No, I'm macrobiotic.

It's a strict

vegetarian lifestyle.

You're--you're a vegetarian?

Yes.

I have been for quite some...

A vegetarian!

JULIET:
London?

I think we better

get going now.

Name?

(Growls)

Go right inside, man.

Hey, Giovani.

That's beautiful.

Oh, can't anybody clean up

nothing around?

I mean, we got

rich people coming.

Friends, the Arbuckles coming

tonight, put it under the gully.

They don't know I'm a pervert.

F***ing Capulets.

Look at all this food, Murray.

I wonder where Rosy is.

Rosy, it's me.

I made it.

Bet you didn't expect

to see me here.

Tromeo?

Uh, hi.

What's up?

Sorry, need this chair.

I didn't think you were coming.

Tromeo,

this is Bluto Fitzgibbon.

Bluto, that's Tromeo.

How are you doing there,

little man?

Come on,

this is not a big deal.

Oh, come on.

Look, look, hey, hey.

Let's go upstairs

and steal from the rich people.

You always love it when we steal

from the rich people.

Ah? Right?

Yeah.

So life returns

to my pal's dead body.

Listen, I'm going

to jerk off in my hand

and go swish around

in the punch bowl.

I'll meet you upstairs in five.

(Whistling)

TROMEO:
Oh, she doth teach

the torches to burn bright.

It seems she hangs

upon the cheek of night

like a rich barbell

in a thrasher's ear.

Beauty too rich for use,

for earth too dear.

Did my heart love till now?

Forswear it, sight.

For I ne'er saw true beauty

till this night.

Hey, Juliet!

My little hen cheese.

Can I have this dance?

Okay.

Oh, a dirty (Indistinct).

Oh, Monty and Ingrid

and a tiny infant.

A cow.

Who are you, cow?

My name is Tromeo.

Strange name.

Yes.

Excuse me, we're trying

to dance here, my friend.

And you're doing a very

good job of it, friend.

What is your name?

It might be Juliet.

Juliet.

Excuse me, this is my fiancee.

You're harassing.

Are you a friend

of the Capulets?

Oh, yeah.

The Capulet girl,

she invited me.

We've been friends

for many years.

Right.

Do you mind

if I pick this next dance?

Well, actually Juliet and I

were just right now

going to dance.

All right.

Your face?

May I see your face?

If I profane

with my unworthiest hand

the holy shrine.

The gentle sin is this.

My lips, two blushing pilgrims,

ready stand to smooth

that rough touch

with a tender kiss.

Good pilgrim,

you do wrong your hand too much,

well mannerly

devotion shows in this,

for saints have hands that

pilgrims' hands do touch,

and palm to palm

is holy Palmers' kiss.

Have not saints lips,

and holy Palmers too?

Ay, pilgrim, lips that

they must use in prayer.

O, then, dear Saint,

let lips do what hands do,

they pray.

Thus from my lips,

by thine, my sin is purged.

Tyrone:
What the f***?

Que, take your goddamn tongue

out of my goddamn

cousin's mouth.

-Cousin?

-Que?

I'm gonna kick

your f***ing ass.

Juliet,

Tromeo is Monty Que's son.

My only love

sprung from my only hate.

LEMMY:
Act III, love

in the glass box revealed.

(Laughter)

MURRAY:
You played

a very funny joke

on that Juliet chick.

She bought every word you said.

You ought to be a thespian.

It totally reminds me

of that time

in the sixth grade when you

talked Mara Murphy

into taking her panties off

and then you pushed her out

in the hall in front of

all the larger children

and they were laughing

amongst themselves.

Oh, no. Oh, no,

you cannot be serious.

I had never seen her, Murray,

or even heard her name.

I can't.

My Juliet.

Let me bathe in your

breath and your skin.

JULIET:
Tromeo.

My lover. My first man.

Yes.

Together you and I will

replenish the world.

Kill hunger and thirst and hate.

And we're the new era of grace!

Oh, God.

(Gasping)

You horny little cow.

Probably dreaming of getting

f***ed in the ass, hmm?

Butt plug.

You and your teenage

punk rock friends

and all those juices coming out

of every orifice in your body.

You f*** pods make me sick.

I've told you

a thousand times...You slut.

Sorry.

You f***ing b*tch.

(Indistinct muttering)

(Screaming)

CAPPY:
Move it!

Turn around!

Let there be light.

Daddy's little

crenshaw melon.

How much sharper

than a serpent's tooth

it is to have

a thankless child?

Get in. Get in.

Put on the suit.

The suit, the band

only little girls wear.

Open the door.

don't dirty the glass.

Juliet.

Juliet, children should behave

themselves, my sweet.

All women should.

That's what they're here to do.

Remember the next time

that you are going to scream

in your sleep

that this is where

all dreams will lead.

# We'll gather at the river #

# The beautiful,

beautiful river #

# We'll gather at the river #

# Beautiful river of shame #

It's the middle door upstairs.

I know

how you feel about her.

I feel it too.

She feels that way about you.

Watch the second step,

it's loose.

What light from yonder

plexiglass breaks?

It is a right angled cosmos.

And Juliet is its sun.

See how she leans

her cheek upon her hand.

Oh, that I were

a glove upon that hand,

that I might touch that cheek.

Wake up, fair sun.

Wake.

-Tromeo.

-Oh, I did not mean to frighten you.

I'm waking from

a nightmare into a dream.

But I'm real.

See, the breath.

Are you angry?

Are you angry that I'm a Que?

Do you hate me for my name?

What's in a name?

That which we call a rose by any

other name would smell as sweet.

So Tromeo would,

were he not Tromeo call'd,

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