Tropic Thunder Page #10

- Oh, sh*t, it's on!

- Over here!

- What're you doing?

- I'm gonna give these boys

a Hanoi high-five.

Shadow me, Pinocchio!

Smoke!

Oh, sh*t!

Jeff, don't!

It doesn't matter what I do.

I'll always be a screw-up.

No one'll ever respect me.

That is not true, you are not a screw-up!

You make so many people laugh.

They only laugh at my farts.

Jeff, we really need to go now!

This is all I deserve!

Laugh at that, you bastards!

Hilarious! Hilarious!

Let's move. We only have 16 hours

before they wake up.

Sounds like the dinner bell's ringing.

These a**holes are gonna be crawling

in here ready to f***ing eat us.

There. All right, you keep six right here.

Come on, let's go.

Come on, what are you guys doing?

Let's get out of here!

He's on tilt status.

Same thing happened to me when

I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot.

They found me in an alley in Burbank

trying to re-enter the Earth's

atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.

What're you talking about?

Come on, fellas, we really need to go.

Daggomit, Blamtucky,

I ain't re-programming a VCR.

Give me the flame thrower.

You gotta start the chopper.

- No, f*** that! Just give me this.

- No time! I'll take care of this!

All right. Give me your hooks.

Don't worry,

I'm not gonna put them on again.

- Just give me your goddamn hooks.

- All right. Here.

Get those boys back to the bird, pronto!

Sh*t! Enough!

Fake sh*t!

F***!

Go get your guys!

Get them to the chopper!

I'll take care of these yahoos!

You're gonna focus up now,

motherf***er, and say it.

- "It's me, Tugg!"

- It's me, Tugg.

That's right! Now, Tugg who?

- Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you?

- Me?

I know who I am!

I'm a dude playing a dude

disguised as another dude.

What?

You a dude

that don't know what dude he is!

Or are you a dude who has no idea

what dude he is

and claims to know what dude he is...

What the f***

are you guys talking about?

...by playing other dudes?

I know what dude I am!

- You're scared.

- I ain't scared. Scared of what?

Or scared of who?

- Scared of who?

- Come on, guys. We really need to go!

Scared of you.

- Jesus.

- What's going on?

The dudes are emerging.

He's right, you know.

I am not

Sergeant Lincoln Osiris.

We gotta roll out.

Nor am I Father O'Malley.

Or Neil Armstrong.

I think I might be nobody.

Wow!

The insecurity level

with you guys is ridiculous!

- Everybody's got issues!

- Yeah, man, everybody got issues.

Come on! You're Kirk Lazarus.

You're the whole reason

I got into acting.

I memorized every single monologue

you ever did

when I was in theater school.

- Really?

- Yeah. And look, Tugg!

I saw Scorcher I

That sh*t blew me away!

I got high to that sh*t! You the man!

Yeah, man, Scorcher I was great.

Let's get the f*** out of here!

Tugg, Tugger, you're the last piece

of the puzzle, buddy.

We need you! Your men need you!

Are you with us?

I'm a rooster illusion.

F*** it. We'll deal with him later.

Let's move. Come on. Come on.

Double time. Gotta go!

Come on, come on, come on.

Bingo! Move out.

Oh, God.

Just say no to this,

you drug-making midget.

Gotta hold on!

Four Leaf!

You grew hands?

RPG, gentlemen!

Where are you going?

Oh, my God.

I am moving to catering after this.

My ass!

My ass!

Hey, yo!

We gotta get our sh*t together, Tugg!

We gotta get his cracker ass

to the chopper!

Are you still crazy?

We gotta get Candisky to the chopper!

It's Sandusky.

- Kevin Sandusky.

- That's my name.

You remembered my name.

Alpa, go help Cody.

Portnoy, get Sandusky

back to the chopper. Go!

- I got him!

- Let's go!

Let's get out of here!

Hey, Leaf!

- Leaf!

- Yeah.

Hit the plunger

- as soon as they clear the bridge!

- Got it!

Come on! Get in the chopper!

- Come on! Move!

- Kirk! Wait!

Laz, I'm gonna blow the bridge!

Are you the special effects guy?

- You God damn right I am.

- F*** yeah!

Leaf's about to blow the bridge.

Come on!

You don't have to! You don't have to!

I'm staying.

No, I can't let you do that, mate.

We gotta go.

No, I'm telling you, I'm not being crazy.

They'll listen to me.

I know it sounds weird,

but I have a connection with them.

You're not doing tofu dinner theater

for these motherfuckers. Let's roll!

- Get over here!

- I have a son now. Little Half Squat.

Who in crikey f*** is Half Squat?

He's my son. He's my boy!

He needs me. I have to go back to him.

You tell the world what happened here.

What happened here?

I don't know, but you need to tell them.

I got this.

Tugg!

You take care of the boys!

I'll deal with these guys.

Where is he going?

We're gonna f***ing die!

Laz, come on. He joined the circus.

Let's go.

- You've got hands.

- Yeah.

- F***! You've got hands?

- Come on!

- Come on!

- Get in!

- Come on!

- He's staying?

Go! He's a lost cause, mate!

Get out of here!

I was wrong! Blow the bridge!

Blow the f***ing bridge!

I got this.

Leaf, no!

It's over! He's gone!

Cody! We gotta go!

Look.

Think he's done.

Cover me!

- Come on!

- Wait, come back!

How do we cover him?

All right, game over. Come on, mate.

Come on.

- You all right, man?

- I'm cold.

I can't feel my legs.

No, no, they're in a puddle, mate. See?

There's a puddle right there.

- No worries.

- Good.

Come on, we gotta split, man.

- You guys came back for me.

- Course.

Hey! I want you to know something.

What?

I know who you are.

You're my friend.

You're my brother.

But like a really cool brother, you know?

Like a brother

where there was no animosity or...

Don't look now,

you got some real tears going.

Really?

That's the stuff

that accolades are made of.

Jesus, let's go, man!

All right?

All right?

Upsy-daisy.

Come on! Come on! Come on!

Let's go! Let's go!

Get in! Get in!

Come on! Here we go!

Tuggernuts! I got it!

- Tugger!

- Rick!

What the f***?

I got the TiVo!

My friend wants a TiVo,

my friend gets a TiVo!

Oh, sh*t!

And the Oscar goes to...

Yes! Tugg Speedman.

"Tropic Blunder,

The True Story Behind the Making

"of the Most Expensive

Fake True War Story Ever."

Yeah!

Yeah, you son of a b*tch!

Eight Oscars, $400 million

and you saved

Tugg Speedman's career.

I couldn't have done it

without you, Slolom.

Really?

No, d*ckhead, of course I could.

- A nutless monkey could do your job.

- Well, I...

Now, go get drunk

and take credit at all the parties.

- I would never do that to...

- Joking.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Very... Okay, there he is.

- There he is. Okay.

- Go have fun.

All right. We're having a...

F***, okay. Thank you, Les.

Thank you. You have a good night...

But seriously,

a nutless monkey could do your job.

Good. Thank you, sir.

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