Trouble Along the Way Page #6

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- What's the matter?

- Nothing.

You know, St. Anthony has a schedule

any school would be proud of.

lncluding the Matawan home

for the feeble-minded.

We'd have all summer to get ready.

Three months to build that kind of a team?

We'd be slaughtered.

The sportswriters would like it, though.

They can put me in the funny papers

right next to ''Li'l Abner.''

You could do it though,

if you could just do it.

You're beginning to sound

like a member of the order.

- Where'd those come from?

- Under my bed.

But l didn't take them.

Father Burke gave them to me.

Poe, Dickens and Stevenson?

You read these?

Sure.

Well, last time l gave you a book,

it was Mother Goose.

We don't have room for them.

We can leave them here.

Steve.

- Look for my picture in the funnies.

- Oh, Steve.

We'd like to help you out

but l got a great setup here.

- A backfield coach.

- l got a deal, coach, on the line.

- Four years solid.

- Well, make like l didn't ask you.

Look, we'd be starting at the bottom again

at your school, St. Whosis.

They been losing to high schools.

l understand. l wouldn't wanna take

you two away from your soft touch here.

- These are high school files?

- Yeah.

Reports on every kid

that's kicked the ball over 10 yards.

And the name of the kid who caught it.

l wonder how many of these specimens

l can nail down.

They've already been nailed,

the good ones.

- They'll get loose when they hear my offer.

- What'll that be?

Room and board and a job

winding an eight-day clock?

There's going to be no employer-employee

relationships at St. Anthony's.

Everybody's going into business

for himself.

What's the deal?

At my new alma mater,

they don't even know what time it is.

- All they're after are gate receipts.

- So?

So we're gonna cut up

all the side angles for ourselves.

Parking, programs, advertising,

pennants and the pay washrooms.

Everybody's gonna be

a member of the firm.

This will be the first cooperative

football team in history.

- Ain't that socialism?

- Not if we can get in on it.

l thought you two were happy here.

For once, we'd like to make

as much as the players.

Off to work.

Hey, Steve. You can't steal those files.

This is the lvy League.

Please, l live upstairs from a church.

Fine. These seem to be very sturdy.

Wouldn't last a season.

Prep school stuff.

Now, these are the real things.

Give you a little protection.

- Feel anything?

- No. Why, that's amazing.

- We'll start off with five dozen of these.

- Those are $300 a dozen, Steve.

Going first-class.

What's it running, Mike?

- Twelve, fifteen, about $20,000.

- That's what l figured.

- Mr. Williams.

- Yes, Father.

- What are the terms of this transaction?

- Cash on delivery.

- Cash on delivery?

- Now, relax, Father.

l've got it all figured out.

You get 10,000 a month

operating expenses from the province.

All you have to do

is borrow ahead for two months.

Mr. Williams, how do you suppose

we are operating now?

- You mean we're in hock.

- You phrased it perfectly.

Father, you have just shattered

a childhood illusion.

Then we'll just have to ask them

to trust us.

- For 20 grand?

- Suppose l ask them?

Not Mike.

l've had dealings with him before.

He wouldn't give Angel Gabriel

5 bucks on his horn.

Perhaps you've misjudged him.

- Mr. Edwards.

- Yes, Father. What is it?

l trust you understand St. Anthony's...

...is unable to pay for this equipment

in advance.

- What?

- lt's just a small college.

Oh, no.

l suppose it means very little

to anyone but me.

But this might help us to survive.

Now, if you could find it in the

goodness of your heart to...

Sorry.

Come along, Mr. Williams.

Just a minute.

- Norm. Take it back.

- Mike, come in.

lt's no dice, Steve.

We don't give credit to busted schools.

Those boys will have to play

in their underwear.

Michael, my own,

l wouldn't do that if l were you.

Why not?

When l was buying a hundred grand

worth of equipment...

...l was a pretty big man around here.

Got 10 percent off.

Of course, l had to kick 5 percent back

to somebody in this outfit.

And l'm sure the boss

doesn't know about this.

l wonder if it's cricket

to keep him in the dark.

Father, will Saturday be soon enough

for the delivery?

You mean it? lt's all right?

Every man according to his own heart.

Let him yield but not grudgingly.

Or of necessity.

For God loveth a cheerful giver.

Thank you.

Thank you indeed.

- You see?

- Father, l've learned a great lesson.

Yeah, so have l.

- Pretty fair schedule, huh?

- Yes.

Santa Carla, Holy Cross, Notre Dame.

- How do you do this? With mirrors?

- Stained glass.

Steve, l'd like to help you out.

But l couldn't put my own grandmother

at the Polo Grounds without a guarantee.

We aren't playing your grandmother

and l don't think she'd draw anyway.

lt'd cost 25,000 to open this place up.

l wish l could give St. Anthony's

a helping hand. lt's a wonderful cause.

l'm sorry.

How are you doing

with that pro league of yours?

l think it's gonna be all right.

Last fall, we showed a nice profit.

And they only played two Sundays a month.

- l'm shocked.

- About what?

- Playing on the Sabbath.

- What's with you?

l may start a campaign

to abolish Sunday football.

- Oh, now, Steve.

- Brutal bruising game on the Lord's day.

l may get my newfound friends

to call a meeting.

Sort of an interfaith conference.

They'll spread the word

and before you know it--

l don't know if you're on the level.

You can't throw a monkey wrench.

l happen to hold the Olympic title to

Monkey Wrench Throwing.

Sit down, Steve. Sit down.

l don't wanna have any trouble with you.

You've brought some great teams to this

field. l'd book you in without a guarantee.

But l haven't got an open date.

Look. Every available Saturday filled.

Brother, then we'll play Sundays.

- That's the boy we signed up yesterday.

- All-state tackle. He didn't graduate.

We'll print him a diploma.

We've been over these films

10 times, Steve.

We've got everything but a passer.

What happened to that kid

from Scranton?

One of the California schools

got to him first.

Yeah, l think they made his old man

vice president of a bank.

There's a good passer

in the Canadian League.

Take it easy, Steve. He's a pro.

Give him a crew haircut.

That's enough.

- Ten minutes intermission.

- l thought l told you to go to bed.

l was hungry.

We can't just win our first game.

We'll have to roll up a big score

or we won't draw flies.

How do you roll up a score against

Santa Carla, number one on the West Coast?

- Summer school.

- What?

Our own brand.

Eight classes a day, all football.

Santa Carla, Notre Dame and Holy Cross

can't practice in the summertime.

Conference rules.

That gives us a three-months jump on them.

- No cream.

- You need it.

By September, we ought to be able

to take on the Chicago Bears.

Even if they use real bears.

We may fade out in the stretch, but

brother, we'll thump them in those openers.

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