Trouble in Paradise

# Most any place #

# Can seem to be a paradise #

# While you embrace #

# Just the one that you adore #

# There needn't be #

# An apple tree with magic powers #

# You need no garden

filled with flowers #

# To taste the thrill of sweet #

# Fleet hours #

# Gentle perfume #

# And cushions that are silk and soft #

# Two in the gloom #

# That is silent but for sighs #

# That's paradise #

# While arms entwine

and lips are kissing #

# But if there's something missing #

# That signifies #

# Trouble in paradise # #

Yes, Baron.

What shall we start with, Baron?

Hmm? Oh, yes.

That's not so easy.

Beginnings are always difficult.

Yes, Baron.

If Casanova suddenly

turned out to be Romeo...

having supper with Juliet,

who might become Cleopatra,

how would you start?

I would start with cocktails.

Mm-hmm.

Very good. Excellent.

It must be the most marvelous supper.

We may not eat it,

but it must be marvelous.

Yes, Baron.

- And, waiter?

- Yes, Baron?

- You see that moon?

- Yes, Baron.

I want to see that moon

in the champagne.

Yes, Baron.

"Moon in champagne."

I want to see, um...

Yes, Baron.

- And as for you, waiter...

- Yes, Baron?

I don't want to see you at all.

No, Baron.

- Oh, I beg your pardon.

- Hmm?

Thank you.

Yes, sir. Right away.

- Oh, my gracious! He almost saw me.

- Who?

The Marquis de la Tour.

He was standing in the lobby.

I don't think he saw me.

I'm positive he didn't. Thank heaven.

But when I came up here, right out

in the hall there was King Boris of Alconia.

- The tennis player?

- The tennis player. He saw me. He bowed.

What could I do? I nodded.

Baron, I shouldn't have come.

But you came.

And you must forget everything...

except that you are here, Countess.

Out there in the moonlight

everything seemed so perfect, so simple.

But now...

- Do you know King Boris?

- No, no.

- Do you the know

the Marquis de la Tour?

- I should like to.

You'd better not.

He's really very dull. But anyhow,

when the king tells the marquis

that he saw me, the marquis

will tell the marquise,

and the marquise is the best friend

of the Duchess of Chambro.

And she will telephone

the Princess de Costa.

The princess doesn't like me.

- But I don't care.

- Why should you?

But she talks a lot.

And before this night's over,

all Venice will know about it.

By tomorrow it'll be

Grand Canal gossip.

Oh.

Don't stop.

Keep right on complaining.

It's beautiful.

- You know, when I first saw you,

I thought you were an American.

- Thank you.

Someone from another worid...

so entirely different.

Oh. One gets so tired

of one's own class.

Princes and counts

and dukes and kings.

Everybody talking shop,

always trying to sell jewelry.

Then I heard your name

and found out you were just one of us.

Disappointed?

No.

Proud.

Very proud.

Hello.

The countess?

Just a moment.

The Duchess of Chambro.

Hello, Your Grace.

Yes, Your Grace.

Well, how did you know I was here?

Oh, the marquis.

Yes, Your Grace, I see.

Dinner tomorrow at your palace?

Well, I'd be delighted.

Listen, Lily, when you come home,

slip up the back way.

L... I can't talk now,

but do what I tell you.

And listen, Lily. Do you know

what that darn dog of yours did?

So he really did?

How charming.

Well, my compliments

to the duke. Good-bye.

There you are.

The scandal is on.

Oh.

Countess, I'm sorry.

If you think it's best

for you to go, well...

I think that's very nice of you.

Yes, very nice.

- I think we should have a cocktail.

- Ah.

The representative of police

wants to know...

how much money you had,

Monsieur Filiba.

Uh... Oh, yes, yes.

I had exactly 20,000 lira.

I just cashed a traveler's check

and I put the money in my wallet.

Why did you let, uh,

this man in, Monsieur Filiba?

Well, he knocked on the door.

You see, I was expecting two,

uh... two business associates.

And then what happened,

Monsieur Filiba?

Well, I said, "Come in."

And there he was.

Fine-looking man with a moustache

and long sideburns.

He said,

"Good evening. I'm the doctor."

I said, "Doctor?"

He said, "Yes, the doctor.

I've come to see about your tonsils."

The representative of police

like to know...

- if there is anything wrong with

your tonsils, Monsieur Filiba.

- No.

That's what I tried to tell him.

Well, one word led to another.

He was really a very charming fellow.

We talked for about ten minutes.

What did you talk about,

Monsieur Filiba?

About tonsils.

So then I said to myself, "All right.

If he wants to look at them, let him.

There's no harm in that."

Then he said, "Say 'ah.'"

And so I said, "Ah."

And that's all I remember.

When I woke up, I still had my tonsils,

but my pocketbook was gone.

- Was it lots of money?

- Oh, it must have been, Baron.

The gentleman occupied

the royal suite.

Two fifty-three,

five, seven and nine.

I think his name is,

uh, Monsieur Filiba.

You're not safe anywhere nowadays.

But please, Baron.

We're not supposed to say a word of it.

You won't tell anybody I told you?

- You can trust me.

- Thank you, Baron.

That's hotel life.

In one room a man loses his wallet,

and in another room,

a man loses his head.

Please. When I came here,

it was for a little adventure,

a little game which you play tonight

and forget tomorrow.

But something's changed me...

and it isn't the champagne.

Oh, the whole thing's so new to me.

I have a confession to make to you.

Baron, you are a crook.

You robbed the gentleman in

two fifty-three, five, seven and nine.

- May I have the salt?

- Please.

- Thank you.

- The pepper too?

- No, thank you.

- You're very welcome.

Countess, believe me,

before you left this room,

I would have told you everything.

And let me say this

with love in my heart.

Countess, you are a thief.

The wallet of the gentleman in

two fifty-three, five, seven and nine...

is in your possession.

I knew it very well

when you took it out of my pocket.

In fact, you tickled me.

But your embrace was so sweet.

- Countess.

- Thank you.

- I like you, Baron.

- I'm crazy about you.

By the way,

your pin.

- Thank you, Baron.

- Not at all.

There's one very good stone in it.

What time is it?

It was five minutes slow,

but I regulated it for you.

I hope you don't mind

if I keep your garter.

Darling!

Oh, now, darling. Tell me...

Tell me all about yourself. Who are you?

You remember the man who walked

into the Bank of Constantinople...

and walked out with

the Bank of Constantinople?

- Monescu!

- Gaston Monescu.

Gaston!

I love you.

I loved you the moment I saw you.

I'm mad about you.

My little shoplifter.

My sweet little pickpocket.

My darling.

Geneva. From Geneva comes the news...

that the famous

international crook, Gaston Monescu,

robbed the peace conference

yesterday.

He took practically everything

except the peace.

The police arrested him

and confiscated all the stolen goods,

but he managed to escape

in an inexplainable manner.

This is the Paris

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