True Confessions of a Hollywood Starlet Page #5

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everyday-average screwed up?

Door number two, I think.

Morgan:

Sam, Sam, Sam, it's me.

Sam, the point is the principaI

made me feeI like a totaI imbecile.

Get me out of here.

Call me, okay?

You know what?

I'm becoming very concerned

that my comeback will be

as a "SurreaI Life" cast member.

- So seriously, call me.

- ( beeps )

No one is washed up at 17.

We're baking.

What's with all the baking

and the junk food?

It's called avoidance,

and it's terrific.

You should try it sometime.

I have. It's called drinking.

Maybe we're not that different.

( laughs )

Maybe. Read.

You need an egg

and some bowls-

The bowls are over there.

I need two of them.

Okay. I'm bored already.

Do you ever think

about your stuff for reaI?

What, you mean like the fact

that my husband came downstairs,

ate a bowI of cereaI,

like every morning,

and then announced that he was

leaving me for the dog trainer?

Yeah, I think about it.

Then I think about the fact that he

actually left the bowI for me to wash.

Okay, what about the rest

of it, though?

You wanted to be a doctor.

You wanted to go to medicaI schooI.

- Nah, that ship sailed.

- That's it?

You're just gonna water plants

for the rest of your life?

I ask because- I mean,

in rehab we learned all about...

facing your fears

and chasing them down.

My greatest fear is that

I can't act anymore

and no one would care.

And then it happened.

Just because you're not acting

doesn't make you irrelevant.

Not according to the principaI

or to my mother

or apparently to Sam.

I just don't think

I can do anything else.

Listen, I know it doesn't feeI

like it right this second,

but you have only lived

a very small sliver

of your life.

Well, look who's talking.

Come on, when I was your age I wanted

everything right then and there.

I was racing

toward that finish line

and I ended up

messing it all up.

- You're 17.

- What does that mean?

- It means be 17 for a little while.

- Oh!

( doorbell rings )

Could that be another divorcee

seeking nachos?

( Trudy chuckles )

Oh, hi, come on in.

Claudia!

Hi.

Hey, Emily,

what are you doing here?

I wanted to make sure you'd recovered

from the attack of the Amazon woman.

Are you okay?

Morgan's voice:
It was like a scene

out of "7th Heaven" or something.

She acted like she really cared,

which confused me.

Emily, nice to meet you.

Don't be a stranger.

Okay.

I also wanted to invite you

to my sleepover on Friday.

That's really sweet.

Sleepovers aren't really

my thing, though, but thank you.

Sometimes I get the feeling

that you don't really

wanna be my friend.

It's not true. I just-

I have a hard time

trusting people.

Don't tell anyone,

but my best friend from my old schooI,

she stole a bunch of SAT questions

and then she blamed it on me.

Oh my God.

Did you get expelled?

Let's just say it's a big part

of the reason I'm here.

Well, I won't tell anyone.

Pinkie promise.

Thank you.

Anyway, think about the party.

It'll be a really cooI time.

I will. I will think about it.

Emily, you know what?

I thought about it,

and it sounds like it'll be fun,

you know, whatever.

- Let's give it a shot.

- Yes!

We're gonna have

so much fun.

Yes, it'll be great.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Morgan's voice:

My first sleepover.

Strike that.

My first unscripted one.

( doorbell rings )

- Hi!

- Hey!

We just turned

Bethany's hair blue.

Morgan:
Not exactly the kind of girls

I would have hung with at home.

I mean, I used to party

with princesses,

actuaI princesses.

I can't believe I let Trudy

talk me into this.

It could be worse.

I bet I'd have more fun chaperoning

her hot date watering begonias

or whatever it is she does.

If Trudy spent as much time

around people as she did plants,

maybe she'd have a date

with a reaI live human once in a while.

Oh.

Truth or dare?

What's the furthest you've gone

with a guy? Debbie.

Second.

- Okay, maybe third base.

- Emily:
What?

Wait. What do you mean maybe?

Don't you know?

I only answer

one question per turn.

So truth or dare?

Truth.

Okay, is it true you got kicked out

of your old schooI

for doing your boyfriend

in the cafeteria?

Debbie.

No. Who told you that?

It's a hot rumor.

I heard it, too.

So then why did you

get kicked out?

I only answer

one question per turn.

I dare you to tell everyone

who you have a crush on at schooI.

At Hillhaven?

I don't have a crush on anyone.

Really? No one?

Morgan:

This girI was starting to bug.

- Liar.

- My instinct was to pounce on her.

Instead, I unfortunately said...

Besides,

I already have a boyfriend.

Girls:
You do?

Morgan:

Crap, why did I say that?

You're Iying.

What's his name?

Evan Walsh.

- ( laughing )

- Evan Walsh, the actor?

Morgan:

Why couldn't I say "Joe Smith"?

Joe Smith was

the obvious answer.

No, they have the same name, but they're

obviously not the same person.

- Both:
Yeah.

- I didn't think so.

I mean,

you dating Evan Walsh,

the actor. That's funny.

- Eli.

- Oh! Hey, Eli.

Hey, Debbie, Bethany.

- Emily:
Girls' night.

- Hey, Claudia.

Hi.

And suddenly, all became clear

in Debbie's tiny little world.

She crushed on Eli,

and she worried

about the new girI- me-

riding off

into the sunset with him.

Okay, who wants

to watch a movie?

- Me.

- Morgan's voice: Anything to end

the Spanish

Fort Wayne Inquisition.

Okay, we've got "Go Panthers,"

"Bring It On," "Legally Blonde"

and "Girls on Top. "

Morgan:

And there it was, with my face

Taking up exactly 33%

of the DVD cover

Yes, exactly 33%.

It was in my contract

Let's watch "Go Panthers. "

Isn't that the girI that ODed-

Megan Carter?

Morgan Carter.

Yeah, that's her.

Let's watch "Legally Blonde. "

That's one of my favorite movies.

Yeah, and who gets implants at 13?

Debbie:
Yeah, I mean,

and she can't even act.

I mean, I'm a better actress

than she is.

Well, I think she's really good.

If she's so great,

then why was she hooked on heroin?

It wasn't heroin!

It was alcohoI.

I read somewhere.

Hey, Claudia,

you kind of look like her.

Morgan:

Not now, please not now.

I don't think so.

Morgan's a blonde.

Yeah.

And not to mention,

she's twice the bra size.

And also she's way skinnier.

No offense, Claudia.

None taken.

Where's your bathroom?

Morgan's voice:
Okay, so I had

gained some weight in rehab

and at Trudy's.

No.

But had I lost my breasts?

What the hell was going on?

Was I still Morgan

or was I really Claudia?

You don't have

a cigarette, do you?

Forget cigarettes.

I don't get you,

'cause you seem to like it here.

I mean,

you seem to be okay.

As opposed to...?

Tearing down the walls,

drinking till you fall over.

I think you want the guys

who hang out behind the 7-11.

Look up.

What do you see?

Nothing.

Eli:
The sky.

I went to New York one time.

I looked up...

and I saw buildings.

The sky was crowded.

I don't know.

I like it here.

I never look up.

See those little dots up there?

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