Tucker and Dale vs Evil Page #2

and their bodies are buried beneath us.

Hey! Hey! There's a lake back there.

Who wants to go skinny dipping?

- I do.

- Yeah.

- All right.

- I'm not getting naked.

Uh... That's OK, Tuck.

You take that. That's yours.

That's why you're never gonna

get ahead in life.

It's cos you don't stick up for yourself.

Do not even think about it.

- But you just said...

- Are you kidding me?

- OW!

- Are you serious?

What'd I just say?

- You said I gotta stick up for myself.

- I said, "Don't even think about it", though.

That was the last thing I said.

Hello?

Is someone there?

Guys?

Yargh!

God, Chad! What the hell are you doing?

- You are such an a**hole.

- Come on, that was funny.

No, it wasn't.

You got nothing to worry about, Allie.

It's just me.

You totally freaked me out.

You know, you can drop the act now.

- What act?

- Like you're better than everyone else.

- I don't think...

- Yeah, you do.

But that's OK, Allie, because I get it.

I mean, you are better than everyone else.

You and I, Allie...

are cut from a different cloth.

You know what I mean?

- I'm not... I...

- All I'm saying is...

I'm glad that we have this chance

to get to know each other better.

Chad, you're drunk.

That's a good thing.

It lowers my inhibitions.

OK, uh...

- Come on, stop.

- Why?

Why? Why stop?

We're perfect for each other.

Let's talk about this later.

I'm gonna go catch up with everyone.

Come on, Allie. Come on...

Oh, it's so cold!

Here we go!

What's that all about?

I don't know,

but I think we should go check it out.

No. No, Tuck, you know what?

My guess would be that they

don't really want to see us right now.

- Yeah, I kind of want to see them.

- No, no.

What the hell are you doing?

- Damn it, Dale!

- What?

I'm not gonna go around

one more time with you on this.

- OK.

- Hush.

Whoo-hoo! I love camping!

Look.

Oh.

- Tucker!

- Shush!

God damn it, Dale!

What the hell is the matter with you?

Me? What did I do?

When you see a college girl prancing

around in front of you half-naked,

- you do not yell out my name.

- Well, you were being a Peeping Tom.

You are hopeless,

do you know that? You're hopeless.

She didn't come up yet.

- Tuck, paddle.

- Oh, Jesus.

Hey! Lady?

Hey, lady!

- Where'd she go, Tuck?

- Whoa, whoa, Dale!

Help me get her in the boat! Come on!

Get her legs!

Oh! No!

- Hey, we got your friend!

- Oh, God!

They got Allison! Come on!

Hey!

We got your friend! Why the hell

are they running away? Hey!

Doesn't matter, Tucker, we gotta get her

back to the cabin. Come on, let's row.

- Sh*t!

- Oh, man.

Sh*t.

Chad! Chad!

The hillbillies...

- What hillbillies?

- From the store!

They captured Allison!

Allie!

Oh, God! No.

- No, please! No, please, don't...

- Don't...don't cry.

Please don't cut me open!

Oh! It's the pancakes! You hate pancakes!

I'll go make you something else. I'll just...

Doesn't like pancakes.

Should have asked her if she liked

pancakes. Big fat stupid idiot!

Pa... Pancakes?

Allison!

I don't understand.

Where do you think they took her?

- Maybe they took her to the hospital.

- You don't get it, do you?

Chuck, tell him what you saw.

Well, it was really dark,

but it looked like one of the guys was...

like...eating her face off.

That is so disgusting.

Not to sound too clich,

but shouldn't we go to the police?

And just leave Allison with them?

If they already ate her,

what difference does it make?

We don't need the police.

We can handle this on our own.

What if I go? It's my dad's truck.

He told me I was the only one allowed to drive it.

Fine. You wanna go, Chuck? Then just go.

OK, awesome.

I'll be back in a jiffy, I swear.

That's such bullshit.

Why does he get to go?

Hey, guys!

You better come look at this.

What is this place?

It's just a cabin.

It doesn't mean they're psycho killers.

Oh, yeah? Then why don't you

go in there and talk to them?

All right. Maybe I will.

I said maybe.

There you go. Please don't tell me

that you hate eggs and bacon.

Wha-What am I doing here?

Oh, you don't remember?

OK. Uh...

Well, me and Tucker...

I mean, uh, I and Tuck...

Well...

- Tucker and I brung you here last night.

- Why?

Because you were about

to go swimming with your friends,

and you climbed up on a bunch of rocks,

and you fell and banged your head

and then you fell into the water,

and then...

I dove in and rescued you.

- Wait, you...you were spying on us?

- No. No, what? No!

No, we weren't spying.

No, I swear to God, no, no.

We were out there fishin'. OK?

I didn't... We didn't see...

I didn't see...

Maybe Tucker might have seen a little...

Where are my friends?

- They ran off into the woods.

- They just left me?

Yeah, but don't be mad at them.

Some people just aren't

any good in a crisis,

and that's why Tucker and I brung you here,

hoping that they would

come get you in the morning.

I didn't have any girlie clothes, so...

it's OK, I...

I never really had much fashion sense,

anyway.

- Me neither.

- Yeah.

That's my dog, Jangers. He looks mean,

but he's just a big old marshmallow.

You can just pet him round the nose.

- He's drooling.

- I know.

Anyway, um...I'm sorry

about all the mess around here.

Tucker just bought this place,

and, uh...you know...

Yeah, I'm sure it doesn't look like much

to a high-class girl like you,

but we've always just had sort of

a dream to have our own vacation home.

But, uh...anyway...

you should relax and rest, OK?

Hey, what's...

what's your name?

Uh...

It's Tale. Ducker.

My name...

- My name is Dale.

- I'm Allison.

But my...

my friends call me Allie.

Well, it's a real pleasure to meet you,

Allie...son.

And if you need anything else,

you just holler for me.

I'll be right in the little room here.

- Uh, Dale?

- Yeah.

Do you guys have

anything to do around here?

Do you like board games?

What kind do you have?

We got this one right here.

It's my favourite. Trivi-Up.

- Yes!

- Come on, four out of seven.

No way, dude. You lost.

Just shut up and walk, b*tch.

Goddamn Romeo.

Oh, well.

Oh, Jesus.

Aargh! Aargh! Argh!

Run! Run for your lives!

Yargh!

Here we go. Big roll. Five.

One, two, three, four, five.

OK, shoot.

Who was the fifth President

of the United States?

Oh, that's too easy.

That's James Monroe.

God, you are right again.

You are killing me.

I know. I'm sorry about that. I just...

I got this weird brain

where I'm dumb as a stump,

- but I remember everything I ever heard.

- That sounds pretty smart to me.

No, trust me, I'm stupid.

I barely even made it past the third grade.

Oh, that doesn't mean anything.

There's a difference

between education and intellect.

Yeah?

So, um, what is it that

you study in college?

I'm getting my Bachelor's

degree in psychology.

Oh, a Bach... Oh.

So, what kind of work

would you do with that?

Oh, I don't know. I, um...

I-I have these stupid dreams.

Dreams are not stupid.

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