Tucker and Dale vs Evil Page #7

- OK! Jesus, OK!

Oh, that is really too bad.

Are you OK, huh?

Because I didn't mean to...

Dale!

Dale!

Dale!

It's time for you to feel my pain.

Bring it, frat b*tch.

- Dale, over here!

- Come on! Let's get outta here.

Come on. Come on. Here! Come on!

Go! Go, get up there.

Go. Come on. Quick, quick, quick.

- Dale, here!

- Oh, yeah, give me that.

Put a couple boxes on there.

Oh, Jesus H Christ!

That kid is tough as nails.

- Are you OK?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

- OK. OK.

- Looks like no one's been here for a while.

Yeah. What we need to find

is some kind of weapon,

something preferably big and sharp

so I can stab him!

Nah! Sh*t...

Oh, hey! This might work, huh?

Or not.

Oh, my God. Dale?

- What?

- Come here and look at this.

Look.

- What?

- Something look familiar?

- Hey, ain't that that dead Sheriff right there?

- No, that picture.

- Look at the guy in the middle.

- Oh, yeah.

He looks just like that

Kentucky fried college kid down there.

- Yeah.

- That's funny.

And it says here, "The single survivor

leads police to the Memorial Day Killer.

"The survivor is reported

to have been tortured and raped.

"She's now undergoing

psychiatric evaluation."

Think about it. He said his mother

was captured and his father...

His father's body was never found.

I think we've just found him.

Holy S-H-I-T.

Jesus Christ!

Chad!

- Time to die, freak!

- Wait!

Just wait! Wait, wait!

Wait, Chad! Wait!

- You're a hillbilly, too!

- Shut up!

No! Look!

That's your real father.

Right there!

No. No!

It's true, Chad. You're half hillbilly.

It can't be.

They lied to me!

How could they?

Maybe they didn't want you

to know the truth.

There is no truth!

Everything is a lie!

- What did you do?

- Anthemis nobilis.

- What?

- It's the ingredient in camomile tea

that causes an anaphylactic reaction in

rare cases where people are allergic to it.

Like I said, I remember weird stuff.

But he'll be OK,

as long as we get him his inhaler.

Or not.

OK, here we go.

And, you ready?

- Uh, yeah, wait. My teeth. Do I got any...

- Teeth are clear.

- Clear? OK, just give me a second.

- And we're rolling.

The chaos and confusion

of what transpired here last night

is still being unravelled.

What appears to be a tragic mass suicide

involving a group of

mentally unstable college kids

may in fact be the work of a lone deranged

killer whose body has yet to be found.

- The killings happened on the ....

- Knock knock. Hey!

- Hey, buddy. How you feeling?

- I'm feeling...

high on prescription medication.

Yeah, looks like it.

They found my fingers.

Check it out.

- Yeah.

- I got to tell you...

I don't remember that one looking that way.

Does that look funny to you?

No. No, not really.

That looks natural. It's good.

By the way, I brought you something.

- Shut your eyes, OK?

- All right.

OK, open them.

Oh...

- Oh, buddy.

- That's a PBR, buddy.

That...

that's a thing of beauty.

- It's cold, too, should be.

- Oh, oh...

Look what else I got you.

A bendy straw,

your favourite sipping utensil.

- - There you go.

Mmm. Mmm!

Don't choke. I'm gonna let you rest.

You enjoy that, OK?

Drink the whole thing.

When I come back, I'm gonna have more.

- Dale?

- Yeah?

Did you ask her?

- Ask her what?

- Did you ask her out, for God's sake?

Oh. Well...

I was gonna, but then

I never actually got the chance, so...

Dale!

You are hopeless,

you know that? You're hopeless.

Yeah. You're probably right about that.

Except for...

she kinda mentioned to me

that she's a pretty darn good bowler, so...

we're goin' bowling.

- You little d*ckhead.

- I'm outta here.

OW.

Whoo! Yes.

- Dale Dobson, you are one lucky man.

- I guess it's just beginner's luck.

That girl has got an amazing set...

of bowling fingers.

I know.

Listen, let me tell you something, OK?

Life is short, BJ.

You have to go after what you want,

because it sure as heck fire

ain't gonna just fall right into your lap.

- You know somethin'? You're right.

- I know.

- I'm gonna go talk to her.

- OK. Right, now, listen to me, though.

Don't be nervous, and just be yourself, OK?

Yeah.

You got 'er. Go, buddy.

Hey.

- I'm pretty good at this, aren't I?

- You are. That was great.

Listen, Allie, I hope you don't think

this is too stupid or whatever,

but I got you a little something.

Dale, that's so sweet.

You didn't have to do that.

I know. I wanted to.

Oh, my gosh.

- You know what that is?

- Yes, it's a... it's a helmet.

It's a pink helmet.

I think, you know, it might just be better if

you wear that every day from now on, so...

- OK, thank you.

- You're welcome.

It's perfect.

So, listen, Dale, I'm, uh...

I'm really sorry about

everything that happened.

What do you mean?

For what? I had a great time.

I mean, except for all the people dying, when

they were bleeding on us and everything.

That wasn't so much fun,

but...you know...

I enjoyed every minute

I got to spend with you.

- Dale...

- You know what? Let me just say this,

cos I don't know if we're ever gonna get

to spend this kind of time together again,

and I want to let you know that I...

I feel the same way.

- Really?

- Really.

BJ!

Oh, my God, should we go help her?

Hell, no.

Whatever.

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