Turkey Shoot

1

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to Tripoli,

where the time is 8:15pm

and the temperature

is a mild 82 degrees.

We ask you to please be patient with

our security procedures on the ground

and wish you a pleasant evening.

Please, Chuck, none of that.

I'm sorry to keep you waiting.

I'm praying you've got good news for me.

How did it all go?

The mission to assassinate

the Libyan dictator has failed, ma'am.

I'm sorry.

Well, that's it, then.

The last roll of the dice

and it comes up snake eyes.

Thank you for your efforts.

It was always gonna be a long shot,

ma'am.

Now that we have exhausted

your final option, Madam President,

have you made a decision on mine?

I have.

Reluctantly,

and with a most heavy heart,

I am faced with no other option but to

support your position, General Thatcher.

We are going to war.

F*** it! F***in', f***in' outrageous!

I guess that means no needle.

If only, a**hole.

We'd love to see you good and dead

like the innocents you slaughtered.

But your friend has pulled some strings.

I don't have any friends.

No?

It says here old Ironguts himself

has signed off on your release.

I thought Thatcher was dead.

Well, you thought wrong.

It'll take more than a stroke

to kill that old warrior.

Sign there.

There and there.

He's all yours.

So, Mr Tyler -

Rick -

let's make a deal.

I'm Meredith Baxter,

Senior VP with the network.

Given the circumstances, I won't shake

your hand but consider us well-met.

What is this?

I'm the Executive Producer

of the most successful show on earth

and... you're our new star.

So now, just a quick briefing

and we're ready to play.

Mr Tyler.

Rick.

I'm f***ing this puppy -

he's just lifting its tail,

so, stay with me, please.

Turkey Shoot's the game,

and you're the Turkey.

The game has three levels

and hidden in each level is this box.

You have a GPS with its coordinates

and the lock is activated

by your thumbprint.

So, here's the deal.

Locate and open the box within the time

limit, and proceed to the next level.

Run out of time, and you're eliminated.

Open all three boxes...

you win your freedom.

Eliminated?

It sounds a lot nicer than dead,

but that's what we're talking about.

Life and death.

What the f*** is that?

Just a mild sedative

to introduce a tracking device

so the cameras can always find you.

Level 1 has four shooters,

with double that amount

introduced each level.

Their job is to hunt and kill you -

no prisoners, no mercy.

Of course, you can return the favor.

Any questions?

What if I don't play'?

Then you'll be a sitting duck.

I studied your file, Rick.

You survived combat, suicide missions,

attempts on your life in prison,

even a bullet in the head.

A guy like you...

just isn't wired to give up.

You might even be our first winner.

So... do we have a deal?

What's in the box'?

That's for me to know

and you to find out.

Sleep now.

When you wake... it's game on.

Real criminals, real life, real time!

You're watching smash hit event TV,

coming at you right here, right now,

wherever you are!

Turkey Shoot!

It's live... with death.

Now let's give it up

for your hosts... Tom and Teena!

I'm Teena Fine.

And I'm Tom Faye.

Welcome to Turkey Shoot.

Teena, last week's Turkey

just not up to the challenge.

That's right, Tom.

Convicted multiple murderess,

Olga Rashenko...

...dubbed 'Satan's Babysitter'...

Straight from death row

in Russia's notorious Vladimir Prison,

Teena, and playing for a pardon.

Stumbled on the first level,

and didn't that make you happy?

This time,

she met something a lot tougher

than 14 defenceless children, Tom.

That's right. She forgot one of

the golden rules of Turkey Shoot...

And what is that rule'?

Remember Ramrod!

You got it.

You should never forget

our most successful shooter ever.

With 85 kills...

86 now, Teena.

Deadly from a mile, with a lethal smile.

When he's in the game,

get ready for pain.

The world's greatest marksman...

Ramrod!

Ramrod! Ramrod! Ramrod! Ramrod!

Afghanistan, Korea II, World War Africa.

The stats are unanimous, people.

50,000 rounds expended

for every military kill.

Now, the elite sniper...

one round, one kill.

The deadliest weapon in warfare...

You're looking at him.

Congratulations, Ramrod!

You just keep extending your record.

Just doing my job, sir.

86 in the trash.

Don't be so modest, Ramrod.

As the successful shooter, you're

now in Game 177, to do it all again.

Looking forward, ma'am.

Where you'll be joined

by three new shooters,

as voted by our viewers worldwide.

That's right, Tom.

The count is done and the results

are tallied, as smartphone voted by you!

Individual territory charges applicable.

Meet the shooters

for Turkey Shoot, Game 177.

The USA has voted Alpha!

He's deadly with primo weaponry.

Alpha!

Ooh... I love that guy.

Japan has elected Kintay -

martial arts and ninja

smarts are her thing.

Kintay!

Awesome!

And the Middle East

is unanimous for Golgotha!

He loves it up close and

personal with a blade.

Golgotha!

What a beast! Ramrod'?

Good men all, sir - including her.

OK, Tom, the suspense is killing me.

Just who is our new Turkey?

Teena,

we've got someone very special for 177.

He's a decorated soldier,

court-martialled three years ago

for massacring women and children.

He's Rick Tyler!

Disgraced former Navy SEAL...

currently incarcerated

at Nee-Alcatraz Military Prison,

where he's serving life,

plus a thousand years, for war crimes.

My God! How can he live with himself?

He maintains

he has no memory of the killings, Teena,

after being shot in the head.

So, Ramrod, a fellow soldier.

What do you say to that?

Navy SEAL is Marine for 'p*ssy'.

Ramrod!

I'm a jarhead, Torn.

I say hoorah! Bring it.

You heard it from the man.

It's game on!

With nothing but the clothes

on his back and a GPS,

Turkey 177 will be dropped

into the

Appalachian Mountains rainforest,

approximately four miles

from the target.

While avoiding four shooters

with a license to kill.

Now...

- Are you...

- Ready to play'?

It's time to go live on Level 1,

for a rumble in the jungle,

where an ex-Navy SEAL takes on...

Ramrod,

Alpha.

Golgotha and Kintay

in Game 177 of Turkey Shoot!

It's live... with death.

Agh!

Aghhh!

F***!

Agh!

Tricked that a**hole.

You ain't gonna make it, SEAL.

F***in' numbnuts.

I'd like some water, please.

Got yourself a nice little hide-out.

You've gone soft, Llewyn. And stupid.

It's 'Ramrod' now.

What kind of f***in' name is that'?

That's cheating.

That's the perks for being number one.

Plus they really want you dead.

They'?

The powers that be.

Thatcher?

Even if I knew...

Like shooting fish in a barrel.

That's not very righteous.

What happened to you'?

Money, fame.

See, I'm a celebrity now.

What are you'?

The killer of women and children.

Isn't that what you said at my trial?

At least you remember that.

They shoulda offed you in the brig.

They tried - they died.

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