Turks & Caicos Page #4

Look, this is Turks and Caicos,

nobody's who they claim to be.

It's a home for dirty money,

which, as TS Eliot would observe, is

a tautology, because there

isn't any other kind these days.

I think you're fishing, Pelissier.

Curtis. I'm a retired civil servant

and that's it.

If you were a retired civil servant,

you wouldn't come for a drink.

I haven't agreed to come

for a drink tonight. No.

But you will. Be-definitely.

It's an interesting place, isn't it?

It certainly is.

Nowadays, people will go anywhere

to avoid paying tax.

A quick visit to

Liechtenstein, Monaco, maybe Jersey,

empty the vaults of private wealth

and you could write off the world's

debt in a day.

In an hour. In a minute.

Three quarters of the world's cash

is hidden away in places

exactly like this.

Turks and Caicos?

21 trillion dollars.

It exists -

an entire alternative economy,

and the only entry qualification,

the services of a good tax lawyer.

Whatever happened to the

idea of shame?

"Shame"?

Went the way of honour, didn't it?

So, what do you

think about the murder?

I'm sorry?

What was it? A mugging?

That's what his friends are saying.

I'm afraid I assumed he was

knocked off by an acquaintance.

Maybe someone we had a drink with.

Is that what you think? But then you

know those people better than me.

Correction. I've spent five painful

days trying to get to know them.

In fact,

I was just getting close to Dido

when somebody whacked him

on the head.

Here we are. What

was your mother's name again?

My mother's name?

Jean. My father's, Clifford.

That's right. Yes. I remember now.

You're doing that thing.

What thing is that?

That thing of pretending to drink.

I've had three, you've had none.

I'm counting. Is that because you

think of this meeting as work?

OK. Is this the moment?

You go first.

I think you're CIA.

CIA?

In one.

What makes you think that?

Because you don't exist

on the internet.

And because you had my phone

number in 30 seconds.

Not hard to get on this island.

I could pay your maid.

I don't have a maid.

Just like you got my maid to

help search my room.

OK, I'm going to ask you a favour.

Whatever else you do,

please don't involve any maid.

What is this? Old-fashioned

gallantry? What's her name?

Natalie? And now for the first time

I see a human being.

You're vulnerable, aren't you, Tom?

You don't like to see women

get hurt.

I don't like to see anyone get hurt.

Do you know the story of

St Augustine and the seashell?

Do you know, I don't.

I keep thinking of it.

St Augustine saw a child on the beach

trying to empty the sea with

a shell.

If you want to know what my work

feels like at the moment,

then that sums things up.

Tell me more.

The people you had a drink

with are first-class crooks.

In fact, they're more than crooks.

They're contractors.

But you know that, don't you?

Do I? Somebody told me

they were here to build a hotel.

They build hotels. Yes.

When they're not doing other things.

I came down here to take

a good look at them.

I couldn't believe my luck

when I saw you sitting on the beach

because it wasn't the first

time I'd seen you.

Really? Yes.

I don't remember.

I saw you, you didn't see me.

Where? I was behind glass.

Langley?

Even more interesting,

I got sent an alert just

a couple of months ago.

We all did. What sort of alert?

When you left England.

Congratulations.

You're Public Enemy Number One.

Your Prime Minister hates

you with a passion.

Something to do with a file?

A file you stole!

I mean, Johnny, I don't want to blow

smoke up your ass but in

my opinion you're the only man who

comes well out of the war on terror.

Oh, please...

Two more, please.

..I'm the great pretender

Pretending that I'm doing

well...

Why, yes, it's been a fascinating

few years, you could say,

since 9/11. Do you know how many

Americans now work in intelligence?

I don't know.

Over 200,000.

In 16 different agencies.

With 30,000 private contractors

in 170 countries at a grand

cost to the taxpayer of

$75 billion a year.

And they still call it

the intelligence community.

I don't think so.

A new president came in,

and he made a promise.

No more torture. Close Guantanamo.

Right. Only guess what?

It didn't happen.

So. Here I am, passing the time

pretending to be a businessman.

Is this with company approval?

Remember?

Only a few years back,

America was rich.

We could go to war.

We could fight all the wars we

wanted, and nobody counted the cost.

You got ripped off?

Royally.

Now it's dusk in America

and people are sore.

It's time for us

to get our money back.

And I'm guessing that prospect

might interest you too.

All right, I'm going

to propose a deal.

Whatever it is, it's not going

to be good enough.

How do you know? Johnny,

you're dealing from an empty deck.

Tall, thin Englishman with

good manners in a good suit.

Not many of those. You're going

to be spotted wherever you go.

And let's face it,

there's nothing in the world

so blown as a blown spy.

OK, I'm going

to help you pull in these crooks.

That's what I was hoping.

And in return you're going

to let me go.

Why would I do that?

I'm a patriotic American.

You're not going to call London,

you're not going to call Langley.

We're going to do the job

and you're going to give me

24 hours to get away.

You do well out of it, I do better.

Is that a deal?

There is something's wrong with

Melanie Fall. She's damaged.

I want you to find out why.

RADIO:
'In his memoirs,

Shostakovich asks his readers

'if they know the line from

a Russian children's story

'about how hard it is to pull

a hippo from a swamp.

'Well, says Shostakovich, I'm pulling

a hippo from the swamp of my memory.

'The hippo's name is Glazunov.'

ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS

Madam, if I may? Thank you.

We don't do this often enough.

Not for want of trying.

On my part, at least.

Are you going to have wine?

I certainly am.

Give me a moment, I'm going to

choose something serious.

I, er...felt it was time

we addressed fundamentals.

Fundamentals are good.

I suppose I've been

trying to understand the pattern.

Pattern? Of what businesses we buy.

And why we buy them.

You know this stuff. Any business

which presents a market opportunity.

Yes, but in practice, it's not

quite as simple as that, is it?

There's got to be some

ethical dimension.

I wouldn't buy a brothel

because I thought the whores could

do more tricks to the hour.

Exactly,

this is what I'm interested in.

I'm old-fashioned.

I like to think that if I do well,

maybe achieve a certain

style of life, then

I can raise the level around me.

As I go up, so do others.

It's a great idea.

This morning, you asked about

the Bridge. Well, this is what

the Bridge is about.

We're putting something aside.

Yeah. But to what end? Specifically?

How's it going to work?

Tell me,

is this what you want to know?

Sorry, I'm not sure I've

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