Twa-Tiu-Tiann Page #2

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responsible for the mess today

or I'm going to have them all arrested!

Hey.

How can you say that?

My woman's in danger.

Catch it if you can.

Catch it if you can.

Catch it!

Catch it, it's our chicken!

Pro...Professor P?

No, no. Go away.

It is Professor P.

No, I'm not.

Professor P!

Pro...

Professor P!

- I'm not Professor P.

Make way.

- Come back.

Look, there's a pretty girl.

Look, I have money.

Come try the flour tea.

Come try the flour tea, young man.

It's delicious.

Have some.

What is this?

Where am I?

Where's my motorbike?

Black, where am I?

What year is this?

It's the 1920's!

Just woke up?

You're from Beijing?

Whereabouts in Beijing?

Mum?

How come you haven't changed?

Stop calling me mum.

How old do you think I am?

Yesterday, if it weren't for Ms Ginger

a new kid like you...

They would have beaten

the HELL out of you.

That's awesome!

Great pronunciation!

There you go.

Thank you.

5 cents.

What?

5 cents.

Only 5 cents?

Me too, me too!

Get lost.

You get lost.

You get lost.

Let's see what he's got.

Check it out. How does it look?

As poor as a church mouse.

Is it good looking?

What's that?

What's this?

What does it say?

Peace to the world.

Get off your arse and get busy then.

Get off your arse.

Yeah, get off your arse.

Enough,

you two big lumps stop getting in my way.

You're the big lump.

You're the big lump.

What's your name?

I...

Jack Chen.

Jack.

Jack it is then.

Jack.

You just stay here.

Excuse me.

Good morning.

Red bean soup, very sweet.

Try some.

Wanna try some?

Fresh bananas!

Would you like to try?

Oranges?

Flour Tea.

Come try the delicious flour tea.

Buy one get one free.

Jack.

There he is.

Hey Jack!

Bravo, Jack.

What you did yesterday was brilliant!

That should teach them a lesson.

Yeah.

Brilliant!

Don't you remember me at all?

He was saying...

Well well, look who it is.

Gosh, your hair stinks.

What's that on your hair?

Hair sh*t?

So, you're Ms Ginger's son?

My father's imported lots of fabric recently.

Tell your mother to

come and see if she wants to buy some.

Mind your own business.

We can take care of ourselves.

Just you wait, very soon we'll be

beating the crap out of you.

Yeah, all of you.

What makes you think you can do that?

We've got Master Pig.

Master PIG?

Get your hands off me.

You pervert.

I'm not a pervert.

Says you.

I was just doing my job.

It's just the way you do it.

One hand here,

The other here, and hold firm.

So...

- That's how we do it.

I mean it.

Just want to make sure It's the right size.

What are you up to now?

Nothing,

I was just taking her measurements.

Pervert!

There you are.

I need you to out this for me.

And give us a discount, eh?

That new store across the street?

They're giving away freebies.

War, is it?

So be it.

Buy one get one free.

We can do that, too.

Great, there you go.

No need to take your measurements.

No need to take your measurements.

No need for a gentleman like you.

I only take measurements for ladies.

Ladies eh?

Honey, come this way!

Your wife is here, too?

Of course.

Oh no.

Thought you were going to...?

No, no, no need for that.

In you go, honey.

No, really.

Cut the crap, just do it.

No need, really.

Not necessary, really.

That pervert is crazy.

You should give me a freebie.

You can measure me then.

Aren't you sweet.

Come on, let's go home.

We'll come for the dress tomorrow.

Won't be ready tomorrow.

How so?

Need to order more fabric.

Why?

Hey, that's not right.

- Is he saying I'm fat?

It took you ages to take my measurements.

How did he take your measurements?

He did this...

I told him to hold firm.

Professor P.

Professor Pig!

Watch your mouth.

Not Professor Pig.

Professor P.

I knew it, you brought me here.

Now you send me back.

I'm not staying here.

Quick.

Stop this.

What's wrong with everyone today.

(Japanese) Stop this.

No fighting.

How could you hit her?

(Japanese) They're just having a laugh.

You Taiwanese, no law and order!

I'm really sorry.

Inspector.

Please excuse us, Inspector.

You, just take care of the shop!

No more trouble!

Yes.

I'm really sorry.

Go help him.

Go help him.

Here, let them help.

Sorry about that.

Your fault.

YOUR fault.

Come here, everyone!

Master Ptg

and the Twa-Tiu-Tiann theatre present

a joint performance

with the Shanghai Theatre.

The Lady of the Camellias

Just do me one favour first.

And I'll tell you about time travel

when I'm able to.

Just tell me now!

Where are we now?

Geisha!

Master Pig!

Bad news!

Two actors can't make it today

Tummy flu.

But we're about to start.

You, get up there.

UP there?

What about the storyteller?

The storyteller...

I'll do it.

But I can't act.

Just do what I say.

Which part?

The Tree.

The Tree?

Rose.

You've come to see the show today.

Checking out girls?

Which one do you like?

Rose.

Let's take our seats.

Which one do you fancy?

The one wearing pink...

Which colour?

Come again?

The old woman wearing pink...

Come here.

You play the tree.

What tree?

You play the tree.

Hey, what tree?

You guys get ready! Hurry!

I always play the main role,

you're making me play a tree?

(Recites poem)

A lady of the night falls

for a wealthy young man

but their dream

was soon ruined by cruel reality

Our heroine is mortally ill.

Anna, where are you taking me?

I'm taking you to plant these flowers.

You're going to do that, right?

Not like that, Anna.

Give them to him.

Give them to him.

Like this? To him, right?

Why don't you listen to me?

Anna?

Who's Anna?

I'm afraid, Anna thinks I'm unworthy of you.

She wants me to give up.

It must be in the script.

It has to be.

I know, but someone's torn some pages out.

Keep looking.

Someone was probably desperate

for toilet paper.

Whose kid is that?

He can't run around with no pants on.

I really am going to faint.

I'm Armand.

He's calling for her now.

I've got the flowers.

I've got the flowers.

I've got the flowers.

Thank you tree fairy, but no need now.

Come on, we don't need flowers now.

Just kiss her!

Stop it.

Do you know anything about theatre?

What do you think you're doing?

Just do your job.

Why are you giving me a hard time?

This is a romantic tragedy.

Why's the audience laughing?

Yeah, why?

Watch your mouth. You're the male lead.

Damn you.

I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

What now?

(Japanese) Stop clapping.

Everyone go home now.

The shows over.

The Crown Prince will soon

be visiting Taiwan.

From now on,

all non-Japanese plays

are banned.

This is outrageous.

What kind of rule is that?

Are you sure this comes from the top?

What are you talking about?

Only Japanese songs?

No Taiwanese plays?

This is not fair!

You can't do this!

You can't just walk in

and stop our play like this.

No way.

Right, I know what you want.

No Taiwanese plays from now on.

There you go.

Come in.

Isn't that what you wanted?

Don't do this.

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