Twist of Faith Page #7

---

I don't want her to do it.

It's going to be a far longer process.

Like eight years.

I would expect that from them.

This is difficult for me.

The fact that I was an adult

and made a conscious decision

to convert to this religion.

Would you make the same decision now?

I don't know.

Quite honestly, Tony, I...

I'm also at a point where I've thought about

going over to Perrysburg

and checking out Cedar Creek,

- a non-denominational church.

- It's a non-denominational...

It's a place to continue

a relationship with God.

You know, I think the communion piece

would be difficult,

because that is a deep connection for me.

But...

I'm torn. I'm torn just like you are.

And I think for me, it's easier,

because I didn't grow up with this religion.

You were brought up... I mean, you know...

You go to church, you don't have to look

at a book to recite anything.

You know exactly, by memory, because you...

Just like Samantha.

She knows...

The prayers to say, when to say them.

It's second nature for her,

and after communion,

it's gonna be even stronger.

This side, knucklehead.

- Hi.

- How are you?

OK.

Can you fit?

Move that so you can sit down.

Buckle up.

- What did you learn at school today?

- Jesus day.

Jesus day? What was Jesus day?

- I forget.

- You forget what Jesus day was about?

- Jesus.

- OK.

What did you guys try last week?

- The host.

- What's the host supposed to be?

Jesus's body.

I actually sat Sam down.

Her book is very similar.

It's slightly more updated,

but nearly identical.

And I could remember. I was an altar boy,

And I enjoyed church until I was abused.

And now, what I'm mad about

is that they're doing

everything exactly wrong.

And it's the "forgive"part.

When the church adds "forget," that's stupid

because it's impossible.

This particular dream,

we're at first communion,

and my wife and I are standing

hands on our daughter's shoulder.

I look down and I see them place

the communion in my daughter's hand,

and I look up

and it's Denny Gray.

I woke up

and I'll bet you I couldn't breathe

for a full minute.

I was probably crying for ten

before she woke up.

And by crying, I mean, shaking,

just sobbing.

I have a sense of fear now.

Tony, you can be there.

- I refuse to go.

- She will understand.

I'm so sick to my stomach, I can't sleep.

I need to figure out how I'm going to do this

before I walk in that church.

Samantha Comes.

Chris Wilson.

Well, other than picking her up from school,

that'll probably be the last

time I'm in that church.

You know...

It's strange being 34...

and questioning everything you ever thought

as far as what I think people

look to religion for

is when everything else goes to sh*t.

That's what you do. You turn to God,

or you turn to God in a fashion

in which you were taught.

And now, I got nowhere to turn,

so it's a b*tch.

You know darn well how I feel about you,

but I hope you get to a point between now

and when this is all over,

where you do deal with it

as you're through with the anger

and you're more down to the nitty-gritty -

"This is right, this is wrong.

"Let's fess up, guys" - and not be angry.

When there is full disclosure and justice

- in my perception of it as done...

- Well, Tony, look't.

I can deal with what I believe

was being told a lie by the bishop.

I can deal with that.

The church is like, to me,

like any large company.

Sometimes the right hand doesn't even know

what the left hand's doing.

- They know. They f***ing know.

- No.

They damn well know

that this is tearing up marriages,

that this is tearing up individuals, this is...

They know, and they are

the pillars of society,

and the sons of b*tches

don't do anything to stop it.

Watch your language.

You know what?

You run around with those guys,

it's guilt by association.

I'm sorry, mom, but you're talking out

of two sides.

You're wanting...

You so vehemently want to hang on

to what you need to -

and I don't besmirch you that -

but for God's sake, what is it going to take?

Are you asking me to leave

the Catholic church? I'm not going to do it.

I'm asking you to stand up.

I'm asking you to quit writing checks.

What in hell's bells

do you think I've been doing?

Or trying to do?

I'm not hiding.

I'm not hiding.

But I am...

Do you put money in a basket every week?

- Yeah. I think that's my obligation.

- The money you're giving...

- Wait a minute.

- ...pays the attorneys that are fighting me.

Put any kind of spin on it you want.

Remember when I begged you and Dad

to let me out of Central?

- Yeah.

- Do you know why?

- Why?

- Because it was happening.

- OK. Why... you know...

- Why didn't I tell you?

You couldn't.

I was getting beat up for being called "f*ggot,"

or "little," or whatever.

Am I gonna f***ing put a billboard out

that says,

"Yes, I'm getting a f***ing hand job,

getting my dick sucked by a priest?"

No, but you and dad

wouldn't let me f***ing go

because "Catholic religion

and Catholic education is better."

We didn't know what was going on, Tony.

Well, when you did, you didn't do nothing.

All right, but at the time...

I'm thirty-f***ing-four years old

and I'm crying like a f***ing scared

12-year-old.

I know, and we made the best decision

with the information

that we had at the time.

I'm sorry.

I needed to get my clothes and stuff.

- Does Sam have clean clothes for tomorrow?

- Yes.

Right at the moment,

things aren't very good with Tony and I.

He's definitely not one to...

he rarely wants to go out anymore.

And if he does,

it's with a limited group of people

that he's comfortable with.

That is like a 360 from when I met Tony.

I mean, Tony was like...

You'd go out in a group of 100 people,

and he'd be the one that's cracking jokes,

telling his life story.

That definitely has changed.

He's not comfortable

in his own body.

Whether he's always felt that way or not,

I don't know.

But outwardly it didn't appear that way.

I mean, he really is...

Different.

I'm exhausted. I've lost 27 pounds.

I'm about 152 pounds right now.

Two weeks ago, I was 150,

So I've been eating my ass off.

But I don't sleep.

I have no appetite.

Not because I'm not hungry.

But because I'm so f***ing wound up

and angry all the time,

nothing tastes good, nothing...

It's easier to sit and smoke than it is to get up

and make a f***ing sandwich.

But if she came home and said,

"I just can't get by. We're done,"

I wouldn't blame her.

It'd kill me.

I believe I'd do just about anything

to hang on to my children and my wife.

I did not pressure Tony

to come back to church.

We rarely talked about it.

But as things have...

taken some turns

over the last few months...

We have talked about it bringing us

closer together as a family,

And that it was important for all of us to...

go to church together, get communion,

hear the same things and experience

the same things

- religiously.

- To participate as a family.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes