Two for the Road

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They don't look very happy.

Why should they?

They just got married.

I hope you enjoy your trip,

Mr. Wallace.

Thank you.

And your wife.

Thanks a lot.

I suppose we've got Maurice

to thank for this.

What are you doing?

Trying to discover

where the strings are attached.

"I hope you have a nice trip,

Mr. Wallace. "

"And my wife?"

You're too suspicious about Maurice.

What harm did he ever do us?

He hounds us.

Really?

He hounds us.

Mister Maurice Dalbret for you,

from St. Tropez.

He hounds us...

Maurice.

Yeah.

I told you.

Of course we could've flown

direct,

but we wanted to have a few days

on our own.

London, please.

Joanna and me.

My wife. Yeah.

It's too late to change,

anyway I want the car there.

Yes, my darling. Of course I will.

Of course I won't.

Nothing's going to fall down.

We have to fly.

You'll take care of granny

and nanny too? Take care of everyone.

That makes nonsense

the whole spatial concept.

Spatial concept.

It messes up the whole design.

I'll see you in three days.

Who is it now?

Caroline.

Caroline?

Caroline Wallace, your daughter.

Oh, Caroline.

Hello.

How's my little girl?

Cigarettes?

Cigarettes?

Did you bring your passport?

I'm sorry.

We'll have to turn back.

I've left my passport.

We'll have to turn back.

I'm sorry, sir.

Are you sure?

Yes, I've got to go to

an important conference and...

Mark Wallace, 33 years old,

occupation, architect.

How about getting me

some cigarettes?

Thank you.

Maurice...

Has persuaded you it's imperative

we get to St. Tropez right away.

Why do you always get taken in?

That's how it is.

Do you want me not to work?

Is that what you want?

I wish you'd stop sniping.

I haven't said a word.

Just because you're silent,

doesn't mean you're not a sniper.

We're not going on like this

for the rest of our lives.

You haven't been happy

since the day we met, have you?

If only you were ten years younger

and knew what you know now.

You can say that again.

I wonder if anybody's picked up

the wrong passport.

Excuse me,

I'm looking for a passport.

And in your bag?

I know it's not in my bag.

Somebody must've taken it.

Do you know what a British passport

is worth on the black market?

100 pounds, at least.

This is France.

I don't know in France.

I can see myself stuck here forever

going backwards and forwards.

Hey, what are you doing?

You leave something

for two seconds and...

Thanks.

And the passport?

There was a time when you were glad

to be married to me.

Remember our first trip together?

When we had wheels of our own.

The old M.G.

Which birthday of mine

was it you gave yourself that?

Was it our anniversary?

We were going to drive and drive

and see where we got to.

A couple of kids

with not a care in the world.

Hold your breath.

We've got a long way to go.

We need a small push.

Come on.

Come on.

Let's go.

That's it. Very good.

Faster. Faster.

Come on, faster.

Remember me?

Joanna?

What's wrong?

Hear that?

It's a donk.

What kind of a donk?

A medium sized slightly

unhealthy donk.

A donk.

When did it all start

to go wrong?

Was it in the M.G.?

Our first bust-up?

I thought we were happy

in the M.G.

I also thought so.

This is what I call

independence, don't you?

I can still hear that donk.

Hear it?

It's in the engine.

Right.

It's the first afternoon I've spent

in natural light in over a year.

By the time I get home

from work, it's pitch black.

Originally, you said

you liked basements.

I liked basements.

I think we were lucky

to get the place.

I think we were lucky

to get the place.

I think one day we'll be lucky

to get out of it.

If you want to live in a suburban

shoebox like your parents,

you married the wrong man.

I don't want to live

in a suburban shoebox,

and I married the wrong man.

Do you want a divorce?

Why do we keep on with this farce?

Is it worth it?

No, it isn't.

It was your idea.

You wanted it.

And I got it.

Yes, it is worth it,

sometimes.

Only not now.

I don't know what you saw

in me in the first place.

I can't really remember.

You had hair in those days,

of course.

I don't think we had any real

bust-up in the M.G.

If you really want big houses,

fast cars, running servants...

Who wants that?

I know what you want.

You want big houses, fast cars.

You're right.

There is a donk.

I thought there was.

Right there. There's something

loose, I'm sure.

If there is, you loosened it.

Try and keep

out of the lower gears.

You try keeping

out of the lower gears.

You're mad!

Let me get to the...

See? No donk if you're careful.

Shut up.

I hate this.

I can't see...

I've got oil in my eye now.

I could quite happily...

How is it down there?

Pitch black.

This exhaust pipe

is so rusty I could...

If I could just see.

Difficult doing things in

the dark, isn't it?

We can not afford a new flat.

On our present budget we can't

afford a new exhaust pipe.

You ought to try avoiding

the lower gears, you know?

Why don't you put

a very British sock in it?

Why don't you put

a boiled egg in it?

That's fixed it.

You mean, that's fixed it?

Or that's fixed it?

Ask me in an hour's time.

You should've bought a tractor

instead of an M.G.

I'll never forget you sitting

in the back of that tractor.

I had never spoken to you and

I thought you looked insufferable.

The girls were potty

about you

and so heavens knows,

were you.

- What are we going to do?

- We have to get there in time.

- Wait!

- Help us.

Oh, lovely mee ha,

You're improving, Pat.

- What's the matter?

- Nothing.

Oh, everything.

- Travelling doesn't agree with me.

- I hope it isn't measles.

I've had measles, clever.

It must be something else.

Oh, no!

Chickenpox.

No question.

That's messed everything up.

Messed what up?

What are you on exactly?

We're supposed to be going

on holiday together

and then to the Music Festival

in Menton, middle of the month.

- I don't know what to do now.

- Nor do I.

Oh, no...

And then there were four.

Only one thing to do, I suppose.

Let's see who's left

in the morning.

Good plan.

Well, well, well...

How are you this morning?

I'm very well, how are you?

Very well indeed.

And the others?

I'm afraid its been

a night full of casualties.

I am sorry.

We could leave them the minibus and

press on, does that appeal to you?

How can you be so callous?

When do we leave?

Whenever you're ready.

Joanna! I thought

you'd gone to the doctor's.

I drove the others.

Nothing wrong with me.

Are you positive?

That feeling can be

very deceptive.

I've had chickenpox

when I was twelve.

We're not taking the bus.

We're leaving it for the others.

We'd thought we'd hitch hike.

I love hitch hiking.

I won't be in the way, will I?

Whatever gave you

that idea?

Where do you think we'll get to

by tonight? There?

There.

We can do better than that.

Can't we Jacqueline?

Can we, Jacqueline?

Jackie?

Lambs.

I guessed.

Aren't they sweet?

Isn't it a shame about Jackie?

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