Two for the Road Page #2

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Isn't it.

You'd have preferred if I'd been

the one who got the chickenpox.

You don't have to stay

with me, you know.

Listen, sweetheart,

let's get this straight.

I've absolutely no intention

of staying with you.

I don't know what your plans are,

but I have a schedule.

I am not on holiday.

I understand.

I'm here for the buildings.

Anything else is by the way.

I haven't a minute to waste.

My time is organised.

You're on a schedule.

But a tight schedule.

Mark, did you pick up

your passport this morning?

Mark. Mark.

If there's one thing I despise,

it's an indispensable woman.

Nobody knows the names

of the men who made it.

To make something so beautiful

and not smash your name all over it.

Would you want to?

All you hear about nowadays

is people making names.

Not things.

Sorry, did you want me

to take your picture?

No, no.

This is a three dimensional

camera.

It's meant for photographing

three dimensional subjects.

I'm three dimensional

as a matter of fact.

It's basically for buildings.

I'm not a building.

We won't have to waste a minute

stopping for lunch.

The trouble with women is,

they try to label you.

Put you in a pigeon hole.

What they don't realise is

that only a pigeon fits

in a pigeon hole.

Marriage is all

they ever think about

and I'm not going to get married

for at least 40 years.

Not that I have anything

against sex.

It's contracts I don't like. Promises

of long service and good conduct.

Are you a virgin?

I thought you were.

I can always tell.

Congratulations.

I was two years

at the University of Chicago.

Studying virgin detection?

Only at night school.

Architecture during the day.

I always thought American women

would be different.

I thought they'd didn't have

inhibitions and it was free love.

No?

But, no.

The nice American girl

may play it cool and modern,

but what she wants

is what her grandmother wanted.

Your head stuffed and hung

on the living room wall.

If you don't want it that way,

you can take yourself elsewhere,

speaking quite generally,

of course.

Of course.

Who was she?

What do you mean?

Her name was Cathy Seligman,

if you must know.

She was selfish, grasping,

Philistine,

materialistic, stubborn,

opinionated.

I was crazy about her.

Lucky for you,

you'll never meet her.

She's now Mrs. Howard Manchester.

I always knew you two

had to meet.

"There's only one drawback,"

Howard said.

"We'll have to go to Greece. "

- Remember saying that, Howie?

- Yes.

"Drawback," Of course

I absolutely flipped.

Howie, come off it.

After landing in London, first

thing was to get in touch with you.

I never thought you newlyweds would

want to travel with us ancients.

We don't care who we travel

with frankly.

Hey, tell me something.

Mommy, do snakes have nipples?

No they don't, Ruthie.

Do they, Howie?

No, they don't.

She's hooked on nature.

It's wonderful you two

were free to come with us.

I know we're all going to be

terrific friends.

Joanna, you know Mark

used to be my favourite beau.

Second favourite.

Favourite.

That was before you came on

the scenario, Howie.

Of course.

- Well, why don't they?

- Why don't who what?

Snakes have nipples.

Because they lay eggs.

Cathy, did you remember to pack

the anti-snake serum?

Good.

Mark, do you remember

David Lewinson?

No, David?

It was Woody Lewinson.

He's become a fine physician

in New York city

and he gave Howie a course

on how to treat snake bites.

How to inject the serum

subcutaneously and all that.

- We've invested over 50 dollars.

- 60.

60 dollars

in anti-snake equipment.

I sure hope somebody

gets bitten by a snake.

Well, that's my 100 exactly.

Let me see.

Mark, it's you to drive.

We change places

and that's all there is to it.

I'm hungry.

I think Howard's wonderful

the way he organises everything.

He's not an efficiency consultant

for nothing.

If he were, he wouldn't

be married to you.

I'm hungry.

Hand me that guide book, sugar.

Thanks.

I want to eat something now.

If you want to ruin your lunch,

Ruthie, you can.

We believe in leaving things

for her own free decision.

Does that key make the car go?

Sort of.

Ruthie, that hurt Mommy.

Did you see what she did?

She pinched me.

She probably thinks you're excluding

her. She needs reassuring.

If she does it again,

I'm going to need hospitalisation.

We're covered.

Have you ever been

in analysis?

No.

It can be very worthwhile.

Shall I tell you a story, Ruthie?

Joanna, thank you.

There we are, love.

Come on, Ruthie.

Quite like old times,

Mr. Wallace.

I see what you mean about

rearranging the luggage.

I thought you might, Howie.

That's a real sun.

We're getting way down south, honah.

Mummy, I'm hungry.

I want to eat something now.

I don't want anything to eat.

I think she's going to be

late fixating.

She felt we hurried her.

Why don't we all relax?

Marcus, I've been meaning

to say about expenses.

I think I've come up with a formula.

Ruthie.

If you're agreeable,

we'll call Ruthie a half,

in which event we can divide

everything into nine parts

and split them in the ratio

of five to four.

I think that's the final breakdown

on this morning's expenses.

If you'd care to check it.

I believe you.

Shall we go?

You don't like my house, do you?

It's very handsome.

Market at 25000, I like it a lot.

It's beautiful, Ruthiebelle.

Come on, sweetheart.

I want to take my house with me.

She's feeling insecure.

Only natural.

Come on, sweetness.

I want to take my house

with me!

I want it!

Ruthie, this time I have to say

no, and I mean no.

It's very reassuring at times

to retain a flexibility of attitude.

He has a tremendously mature quality,

that's what I love about him.

He has a quiet assurance.

Don't you think he has

a quiet assurance?

Very quiet assurance.

He's the husband type.

You were always the lover type.

I guess you still are.

I've been married to Joanna

for nearly two years.

But your relationship is volatile.

Anyone can see that.

Joanna, I don't want you

to feel badly about what happened.

It doesn't matter.

I think it does matter.

You resent Ruthie, don't you?

A little spilt wine...

You misunderstand me.

You resent her because

you want to have a child.

We're 17 minutes behind schedule.

Mark, you have 53 Km.

Still to go.

It's hot.

Sweetheart, we should've left

the car under the sun-shelter.

Let's move it, Marcus.

- Mummy.

- What is it, candy face?

I'm hungry.

Very funny,

but I happen to have a schedule.

The trouble is there's two of us.

That's the whole trouble.

If I ever have a car,

I'll never pass a single hitchhiker.

Must we dice with death?

Since when has this car

only got two speeds?

I'll tell you what, you drive.

I'll tell you what, I'll walk.

Okay, walk.

Don't be silly.

You'd be better off on

your own, wouldn't you?

Not again.

Joanna!

You want to get on, I know.

Maurice is waiting.

Let him wait.

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