Two for the Road Page #3

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He's got you on a line.

All he has to do is reel you in...

Will you shut the hell up

about Maurice?

You know where we'd be without him?

Happy.

Broke and happy.

You want to live in the cellar again?

You hated it.

I loved it.

You hated it.

I hated it.

I hate being at other people's

beck and call.

As soon as someone beck's

or calls, I resent it.

Okay, you run the show,

you handle it.

You worry about the house,

the flat, nanny, Mrs. Rathbone...

I don't want any of them!

Do I? Am I the one who wants

enamel sports watches?

Take your watch.

I don't want anything.

Why is it when you give a woman what

she wants she gets bloody minded?

You don't give me what I want.

You give me what you want.

Joanna, your watch.

Joanna, I love you.

Come on.

Maurice is waiting.

B*tch.

Listen, we're not going to make it

together see.

We don't get the breaks,

so this is the kiss-off.

You take the high road.

I'll take the low road.

We'll see who gets in where

before who.

If we meet again great.

If not happy holidays.

No hard feelings, but...

You've a schedule.

Right.

What happened to your slick friend

in the Alfa Romeo?

I told him I was in love with you

so he put me down.

I warn you...

Don't.

How about

a cup of coffee?

"Vous avez un chambre?"

"Oui, Monsieur. "

What kind of people sit like that

without saying anything?

Married people.

This is definitely

against my principles.

Good, I wouldn't like to think

it happened all the time.

I had absolutely no intention

of sleeping in hotels.

You didn't?

Why do you think I brought

a sleeping bag for?

I hadn't thought about it.

Who are you?

Some girl.

Sleep well?

I think that room was over

the plate smashing annex.

My days for roughing it

are over.

Next time get Maurice to reserve us

a room, if you can't remember.

Preferably with a carpet

and something else in

the hot tap besides...

All right, now when we're ready,

it's Joanna in the hot seat

and Catherine the co-driver,

okay?

We've got three weeks to go,

so make the best of it.

Believe it or not,

I'm making the best of it.

You wanted to come.

Okay?

Mummy, I don't want Joanna

to look at me.

Ruthie, don't be silly.

Joanna,

may I say something?

This may sound absolutely

ridiculous to you.

I know you love Ruthie,

but she doesn't realise it.

You're not getting through to her.

She's gotten the idea

you're hostile to her.

May I make a suggestion?

Why don't you woo her

a little bit?

Woo her?

That's right, woo her.

Okay, let's get this show

on the road.

Ruthie, honey.

Come on.

It has running hot and cold, bath,

free garage, telephone...

and transistor radios

aren't allowed in the dining room.

It sounds minimal,

but I'll buy it.

I don't want to go to a hotel.

Our own little home for the night.

Of course you do.

I don't. I don't.

Ruthie, may I have

the keys back, please?

No.

Okay, we'll just have to stay

here all night.

- Is that what you want?

- Yes.

- With nothing to eat?

- I'm not hungry.

- She had a little snack...

- Cathy, please.

Ruthie, give me that key!

Don't you have a spare?

If I use the spare,

we don't have a spare.

Mummy, I'm so tired.

Do you still want a child?

I still want a child.

I just don't want that child.

We agreed before we were married

we weren't going to have

any children.

And before we were married,

we didn't.

Ruthie, that was a funny thing

you did with the key.

Fast thinking.

- Did you see where it landed?

- Yes.

- Good girl. Where?

- I'm not going to tell you.

- Tell him at once!

- There.

I wooed her.

Your time's up, buddy.

Breakfast is served.

That's a good cup of tea.

It's coffee.

I knew it was a good cup

of something.

Okay, start her up.

Let's go.

Plenty of revs.

We stalled.

You stalled.

You drive.

No.

I don't want to drive.

You stalled.

Done it.

That should hold it for a while.

Someone is having

a bonfire.

I love bonfires.

One day we'll have a big garden

and grow lots of bonfires.

Wood smoke I like best.

Hickory, for instance.

Have you ever smelt it?

Never.

I'll have to take you to the States.

I could also get Cathy

to send us a few cans.

They really can it now.

She could...

She could bring it

on her next trip.

Do I detect a note

of welcome?

You can't expect her not

to come and see your baby.

No. You're not...?

This, I suppose, is my holiday

surprise?

I don't suppose it was much

of a surprise.

You really have to have

everything you want, don't you?

Don't we have to celebrate?

What we got to drink?

Here we are.

We're getting further south.

It's certainly getting warmer.

Why don't they overtake us

if they want to?

Mark, fire!

Where?

Here, us. We're on fire.

I can't see.

Water!

But where?

Find some!

Here, yes, here.

It likes water.

Stand back!

What about you?

I'm going to stand back.

Think I'm crazy.

I have telephoned

the fire brigade.

"Passeport, s'il vous plait. "

For heaven's sake,

park the car in the shade.

I don't want to come out

after lunch to a red hot car.

What does "rserv

la direction" mean?

Reserved for management.

Hell, we're the customers.

Daddy.

Why do you think Red China

is a b*tch?

We can't stay here, Howie.

I meant that Red China

was a very difficult problem.

All right, Cathy.

I'm moving.

Over there, Howie,

is perfect.

I saw them.

Daddy.

- Yes, Ruthie.

- Did you do that on purpose?

No, Ruthie, I didn't.

I did not.

No, Ruthie, no.

Do you love me?

Do you?

Confessions extracted

under torture don't count.

Do you?

Yes!

Okay.

You're going to get us

slung out of here.

Actually it's not a bad idea.

It's going to ruin us anyway.

This is heaven.

I could eat a horse.

I hate to tell you this,

but we've just gone on a diet.

But we haven't had lunch.

At these prices we can't afford

to eat here.

No.

I'm starving.

You'll have to practice

a little self-restraint.

I'm not hungry.

You are not hungry.

We are not hungry.

I am hungry.

You are not hungry.

Women in advanced state of pregnancy,

should be careful about over eating.

Advanced?

I've got eight months to go.

There must be a food shop

in the village.

I'm too worried about you

to eat anything myself.

I'll slip down to the chemist

and get you some, guess?

Hamburgers?

Pills.

That's right. Pills.

Hamburger pills.

Large hamburger pills.

Don't let them see you bringing it

in.

What about food?

What about food?

We have to eat. Let's go

to the Domaine St. Just, why not?

I'm not dressed.

The last time we went there

I was dressed in soot

and you were wearing a blanket.

I can change,

if you want me to.

Change. I want you to.

I'm still not done up.

"Bonsoir, Madame. "

"Bonsoir, Monsieur. "

"- Bon appetit.

- Merci Madame. "

A lousy cop plugged me,

sweetheart.

Pills!

Hamburger pills!

What people go to a restaurant

and don't talk to each other?

Married people.

You're the only woman I know

who shares her bed with a sardine.

I don't care what kind of sardine

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