Two Girls and a Guy Page #2

life became more complicated.

He decided consciously to take a

shot with two girls at the same time.

He wanted a girlfriend.

He wanted to fill the void.

So he figured ifone of us didn't

work out, then the other might.

What he didn't count on was

that both of us would work out.

But we did.

Until now.

When it's gonna be

neither.

But you don't think he was looking

to have two permanently, do you,

like those-those

what-do-you-call-its?

Bigamists? No, no,

no. Those ones in Utah.

Mormons?

Yes. Mormons.

Do you think he's a

Mormon? He's no Mormon.

Well, he sure is a

cocksucker.

No, I think that was

our function.

Oh, you did that with him? What?

You gave him head?

Why? Does that shockyou?

No. It'sjust that... You know

what he used to tell me?

What do I mean, "used to"? He

said it on the phone last night.

He said he couldn't even get a hard-on

for any other girl besides me...

no matter how good she was

or what she did.

And you believed him. I believed

him. Isn't that pathetic?

I'm as pathetic as that

a**hole on the street.

Would you have believed

him? Not "would have". Did.

He said the same things

to you? Word for word.

And that that was why he

was being faithful to you.

It wasn't that it was a matter

ofchoice... It was phallic incapacity.

He knew he would be impotent

with anybody except you.

Because I owned his dick.

It didn't belong to him.

It was attached to him...

But it belonged to me.

Huge and hard and thick and long

and perpendicular to the earth.

Not to the floor, but to the earth,

and filled with oceans ofcome.

Oceans ofcome. Oh, my God, I

am gonna f***ing cut it off.

I am gonna slice it off, sliver by

sliver, with an electric meat slicer.

That's what

I'm gonna do.

That motherf***er.

You said it.

What? That's what he

is... a motherf***er.

You think he did it with

his mother? Not literally.

I just think his relationship with his

mother is more complicated than he admits to.

Definitely. Who else has framed photographs

oftheir mother all over their apartment?

The way that he used her.

The stories he would tell.

Like when he was

little. No father around.

"Mother and I went to Florida"

"Mother and I went to Atlantic City"

"Mom and I had this argument

over me having a ponytail"

Right. And the way

that he used herwith us.

No, not with me. I never met

her. I never met her either.

The way that he used her... saying he

was spending the night at her house...

because she was sick.

You don't think she was sick? Who knows?

All we knew was not to call because

the ringing sound would frighten her.

Exactly. Just leave a message on the

voice mail ifanything urgent came up.

Four nights a week. Those are the

nights he must've been with you.

No. I was always three. Never

four. You must've been four.

No, I was three also.

Well, do you think

there's a third?

Or one night ofcruising...

recruitment for the future.

Can you believe

we fell for this?

You only suspect it when

you're doing it yourself.

Interesting.

But you weren't f***ing

around on him, were you? No.

No, neither was I, but...

but I could have.

I had plenty ofchances. Like that

guy in the street in the white suit?

Oh, much better than him.

I know that. I wasjust...

I was being facetious. Right.

But you must've had

a million chances.

I mean, you're beautiful,

Carla. No, I'm not.

Yes, you are. Let me askyou something.

Oh, wait. He's here. Okay.

# Cum Sancto Spiritu #

# In gloria Dei Patris #

# Dei Patris

Amen #

# Cum Sancto Spiritu #

# In gloria Dei... #

Ooh.

# Cum Sancto Spiritu #

# In gloria Dei Patri #

# Dei Patri

Amen #

# Cum Sancto Spiritu #

# Cum Sancto Spiritu #

# Cum Sancto Spiritu #

# In gloria Dei Patri #

# Dei Patri

Amen #

Mommy, it's me.

I'm back.

A little trouble getting back from the

airport, but the plane got in on time.

And I love you.

Hope you're doing well.

Call me soon as you

get this. Bye.

# Cum Sancto

Spiritu #

# In gloria Dei Patris #

# Dei Patris

Amen #

# Cum Sancto #

Carla. It's Blake.

I just got back in town,

and I am prepared...

to perforate your every orifice

with my tongue.

I've missed you wildly.

I am, uh...

I am... I'm hot

and I gotta see you. Bye.

# Sancto Spiritu #

Hi. Is Lou there?

All right, well,

just tell her that, uh,

Blake... is back.

Thank you.

# Cum Sancto

Spiritu #

# In gloria Dei Patris #

# Dei Patris, Amen ##

# Mark #

It's Blake.

What is it, like,

4:
30 there? Get up.

# Cum Sancto Spiritu #

So what happened with

thisjob? Did I get it?

No? Why, too talented,

as usual?

What are you...

What-What's going on?

There's all these blowhards

working. I can't get a job.

So what else?

You, uh... What about,

like, anything?

What else? Tell...

Really? Wow.

That's in the Catskills, huh?

God, you know, I know a lot of-

No, actually, I don't know anyone

who's made it in the Catskills.

What's...

What are they paying me?

Wow. Yeah, that'll cover

the dry cleaning.

What about, like,

a TV spot or something...

I can't even believe

we're discussing thisjob.

This is ridiculous. It's like you

don't know who you're dealing with here.

And... Have you been drinking

quite a bit again?

I'm sor... I'm just kidding.

I'm just a little...

Hold on. Let me think

about it for a second.

## # Call

me Daddy Call me Daddy #

# Bend over and then squeal

like the pig that you are #

# For offering me

thisjob ##

Uh, no, I'll take it.

When do I start?

Okay.

Okay. Thanks, man.

Okay. Bye.

Nobody recognizes

talent in this town... anymore.

Hi. Yes.

Live from La Paz,

it is Blanco Alegre.

# You give your hand

to me #

# And then you say hello #

# And I can hardly speak #

# My heart is beating so #

# And anyone can tell #

# You

think you know me well #

# No, you don't know #

# Me #

# No, you don't

know the one #

# Who dreams ofyou

at night #

# Afraid and shy #

# Honey

I let my chance go by #

# And the chance

you might have loved me #

#Too #

# Ooh #

# You give your hand to me #

# And then you say good-bye #

Mmm-bop!

# I watch you walk away #

# Beside that lucky prick #

# To never, never know #

# One who loves you so #

# No, you don't know #

#Me ##

Uh, I... Huh.

What a surprising way

to see you.

I wasjust... 'Cause...

My God, I wasjust thinking,

"When am I gonna see her?"

And, uh, here you are.

How did you get in?

Magic.

Huh.

What did you, uh...

Super let you in?

You look great.

That's, uh...

F***. Okay.

You know what's so great? I mean, I could

not have orchestrated this any better.

This is a rare opportunity. You get to

see how I'm behaving when you're not here.

What did I do? I came in.

I call you.

First thing I do is I tell you

I love you, I miss you,

I wanna lick you,

I can't wait to see you.

I get up. I'm inspired. I'm

thinking I know I'm gonna see you.

I sit down, I...

I play, I sing.

How the f***

did you get in here?

Wow. You've never looked

this phenomenal.

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