Two Little Boys Page #2

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(Strains) F***.

Oh, for f***'s sake.

F***, get off my f***ing foot.

Oh, get down here.

F***in' come on!

I just... I'll keep a lookout.

F***, I can't lift him by myself.

F***in' get down here.

You could not have put him

in a worse spot. Do you know that?

It's like a game

of f***in' pick-up sticks down here.

(Both grunt)

Hey, he's still warm.

Yeah, no, they don't go stiff

for, like, a day.

One, two, three.

(Both strain)

F***in' go, Nige! Go!

Power. Power... for the thrust up.

Ready? One, two, three.

(Both grunt)

- And thrust.

Thrust up. Oh, f***, Nige!

F***in' lift.

What the f*** is wrong with you?

DEANO:
Fireman's lift.

(Both grunt)

- Agh!

(Both grunt)

(Both strain)

Oh! Oh. Watch your f***in' hand.

Oh. (Pants)

(Both grunt, strain)

NIGE:
Yuck.

DEANO:
I'll go check

if the coast is clear.

- Alright?

- Yeah.

# Marching music

(Bombs whistling, explosion)

Nige, let's go! Go!

(Artillery fire, explosions)

(Both shriek)

F***, yeah! Let's go, Nige!

DEANO:
Go, go, go!

GERMAN SOLDIER:
Achtung! Achtung!

(Gunshot)

Alright. Come on.

DEANO:
Double-time, double-time.

# A-A-A-Amen #

DEANO:
Is that your double-time?

# A-A-A-A... Amen #

F***in' triple-time.

# A-A-A... Amen

# Amen

# A-A-A-Amen. #

NIGE:
Do you think we should

go to the police? Cops?

DEANO:
Bit late for that, Nige.

Cops aren't gonna be happy about this.

Go to the cops, you're definitely

going to jail. Alright?

If you try to get away with it,

then you might not go to jail. So...

Yeah, but if we don't get away with it,

then I think I might go to jail

for longer 'cause...

Nah. Something like this - ten years.

What's ten years?

That's like how long it takes

an elephant to grow its tusks.

You know, it's nothing, really.

Eh?

Well... bottom line - do you want

to have a limp cock about this?

Or face up to it like a man?

Eh?

Man. You wanna be a man?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Alright, let's f***in' do it.

# A-A-A-A... Amen #

NIGE, V/O:
Deano's not scared

of this sort of thing.

He's not much good in normal life,

but when the sh*t hits the fan,

Deano always knows what to do.

DEANO:
What are you doing?

- I was putting rocks inside his jacket.

DEANO:
They'll fall out.

Put them in his bag.

# Amen

# A-A-A... Amen

# A-A-A... Amen

# Amen

# A-A-A-A-Amen. #

DEANO:
Wait. Actually... Nige, wait.

Perhaps you should say a few words

before we chuck him in.

Nige, he's dead. He's not gonna

get a funeral, so... say something.

NIGE:
Uh... I don't know what to say.

DEANO:

Alright, f*** it, f*** it. I'll do it.

Let us pray.

We are gathered here today,

uh, to celebrate... a young life

cut short at the knees

by a horrible accident.

Um... Jeurgen.

Didn't really get the chance

to know you, mate,

but, uh, you seem like

a pretty good bloke.

Um... hope you really

enjoyed New Zealand

and, like, all that she had to offer.

All the beautiful mountains

and the lakes and all her nature

and bet you really loved those fjords,

if you got a chance to see them.

That's probably enough

for a speech, Deano.

Yeah, alright. Um...

getting the wind-up here, Jeurgen,

so... Um... Have a good one.

Uh... good on you, mate, and RIP.

RIP, Jeurgen.

DEANO:
Alright.

NIGE:
Yeah?

DEANO:
Yeah. Go.

DEANO:
OK.

NIGE:
Oh, f***.

DEANO:
F***.

Oh, f***! F***, f***.

Oh, f***, Nige!

How many f***in' rocks did you put in?

NIGE:
Oh, God!

DEANO:
Did you put rocks in?

NIGE:
I put five rocks in it!

DEANO:
You put f***ing pebbles in it!

NIGE:
F***! Fuuuuck!

DEANO:
F***!

NIGE:
F***in' hurry up!

DEANO:
What'd you put

f***in' light rocks in there for?

NIGE:
I put a lot of rocks in there!

NIGE:
F***. F***.

NIGE:
Aghhh. Agh. Agh.

DEANO:
F***.

NIGE:
Well, so f***in' sink.

Why is it not sinking?

- F***.

- Deano, get that.

Give me that.

DEANO:
F***.

(Nige pants)

(Nige strains)

DEANO:
Oh, sh*t.

NIGE:
F***.

DEANO:
Ugh!

NIGE:
Oh, yeah, you got it, you got it.

(Both strain, grunt)

(Mooing)

- Let's get him up.

- F*** it. Cows.

(Cows moo)

(Man whistles)

- F***. F***.

- Agh.

Put him in here.

FARMER:
Come on, girls!

- We can't leave him there.

- Just shove him in!

- We can't leave him there!

- Can't f***in' take him home with us.

- Oi, Nige.

- Are you f***in' crazy?

We've got to f***ing take him.

I'm f***ing dead.

Take a chill pill.

F***ing relax, alright?

- Agh.

- It's fine.

NIGE:
Aghhh!

(Deano exhales heavily)

Alright, so, just... go inside.

Have a shower, get changed

and just go to work

like everything's normal.

Eh?

That... That's the plan.

Like nothing happened.

Oh... so, like,

'Where were you last night, Nige? '

- Got a bit stoned.

- Yep.

- Had a pie.

- Yeah.

Killed Jeurgen,

then came round to your place.

No. Nige... you came over to mine,

like, we got on the cans...

you definitely didn't kill anyone.

We just got hammered.

Had an awesome time and just...

we were just f***in' around.

You tripped on a bottle -

that's how you got a bit bloody.

Um, we just passed out,

woke up this morning.

I drove you back here

at ten past seven.

You went inside,

had a shower, got changed,

went to work like everything's normal.

Yeah?

Yeah, OK. Yeah.

OK.

So go have a shower.

Like, that's the first bit of the plan.

DEANO:
Go. OK.

You gonna come in?

What, in there?

F*** that.

Just... stay here.

Just... Hurry up, alright?

Oh, f*** it. Nige.

Nige, no, you got...

Oh, f***!

DEANO:
I'm comin'. I'm in.

NIGE:
Nah.

DEANO:
No, it'll be awesome. We'll

have classic times. Be wicked. Yeah?

Why can't I go to

the banking conference, Nige?

NIGE:
It's for people

that work at the bank.

DEANO:
Why not, Nige?

NIGE:
You know Gav?

Gav who does security at the bank?

DEANO:
Yeah?

Gav and I were gonna...

go to the Catlins together.

(Exhales heavily)

So there is no banking conference.

No.

(Breathes heavily)

Well...

Nah, fine, mate.

No, what's the big deal?

All you've done is lie to me.

Yeah, all you've done

is lie to my face.

Stabbed me in the back.

It's like taking a stranger...

- He's not a stranger.

- He is a stranger, Nige!

- Gav's not a stranger.

- Yes, he f***ing is!

I work with him every day.

You're taking him to the one place

that we hold sacred.

The Catlins is full of our blood, sweat

and tears and laughter.

Right, fine! F***in' fine!

Go to the Catlins with Gav, then.

Hope you have a great time with Gav!

There's your f***in' dinner,

Captain Grateful.

Unbelievable, Nige.

You burnt it.

Judas! Judas!

F***ing Judas!

NIGE:
Oh... God...

- You f***ing Judas!

- Agh!

- Judas!

- Judas!

(Tyres screech)

Oh, hey, man.

(Whispers) Hey, you've got blood

all over you. Don't touch anything.

I think that Gav's gone to work, mate.

You don't have to whisper.

Oh, right, well...

where's your washing machine?

Uh... it's down here.

What is all this sh*t, anyway?

Does a girl live here?

Nige. Get this.

(Whistling)

(Whistling)

- Thought you said he was at work.

Sh*t! Grab it! Grab it!

(Nige strains)

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