Two Much Page #5

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- Oh, la, la, monsieur.

- What?

If you permit me to say, you

are committing a hideous crime.

Doctors orders. It's the only

way she can take her medicine.

Monsieur, that is

a Chateau Fontegnac.

This is not a wine

to toy with.

- Pardon.

- Look, buddy, it's my wine.

I paid for it.

Now, if I want to piss in it,

that's my business.

- Okay?

- As you wish, monsieur.

Espece de cochon.

Excusez-moi.

Thank you.

Cheers.

Arriba. Abajo.

- Al centro.

- Por dentro.

Whatever.

Mmm. Oof.

Ohh, Art,

I love you.

Hmm.

I know.

I'm sorry.

Huh.

I wanted to see if, um...

Aiieee! Ai, ai, ai!

It's always raining

when you need a cab.

Uh... do you think Art has

anything I could change into?

Upstairs?

Are you hungry?

Famished.

- Here?

- Yeah. Do you know it?

I had dinner here

not too long ago.

It's okay.

- People sure stare at you.

- No, they're looking at you.

Nice to see you again,

monsieur.

Eh, we'd like

a bottle of wine.

Eh, Chateau Fontegnac.

Alas, monsieur,

I am desolated.

Some person...

has committed an atrocity...

against

the very last bottle.

I think if you take a careful look in

the cellar, you'll find another one.

Certainement, monsieur.

If you promise not

to piss in it.

- He's French.

- They shouldn't let him out of the cellar.

Yeah.

So, um, your sister...

my brother.

Think we'll be dancing at

their 50th wedding anniversary?

I have no idea.

She might just marry him twice and then

move on to the next lucky contestant.

You know,

Art is a little worried.

He thinks they might

be rushing things and...

It's too late now. The

Titanic has already sailed.

Maybe you can talk to Betty

about it, be the voice of reason.

The only voice Betty listens

to is the call of the wild.

Yes.

Perfect.

Hmm.

- Thank you.

- Je vous en prie.

Psst!

Shall I distract the lady

now while you slip...

a little something

into her wine?

What a character, huh?

You really crack me up.

Oh, dites donc.

To you.

- I hope we can be friends.

- We'll have to be.

We'll be related, almost

like brother and sister.

Right.

You don't like the idea?

Yeah, yeah.

It's just that, uh...

this makes what I'm thinking

about taboo in most civilizations.

Would you like

to come in?

Maybe I should

go home.

Nobody's waiting up

for you, are they?

So to top it all off...

he shoots his underpants

over the shower door to me.

No, I don't believe it.

Poor guy.

What a way to start a day.

How about me?

Well, you were

taking a shower.

I mean, he was the one

humping the glass door.

He must have been

terribly humiliated.

Right. I was

just violated.

Not you.

You are too tough.

Tough?

Too tough?

No, no, no.

No, Betty.

No, Betty, no, no.

No, no.

No, no!

You were dreaming about my sister.

Yeah. Yeah.

When we were growing up, every

boyfriend I had had a crush on her.

Did that sound like

a good dream?

- Hmm?

- No, I guess not.

Ohh!

I was at the wedding.

It was a nightmare.

I was the...

The best man...

and I couldn't move.

And then...

there you were...

Beautiful and perfect.

Let's just forget

about Betty and Art.

Yeah.

Let's forget 'em.

Yeah.

Where are you going?

To splash some cold water

on my face.

Hmm.

Hmm. Ohh, God.

I have this

incredible headache.

- Me too.

- You do?

I think I need

an aspirin. Yeah.

- Oh.

- Good morning.

Good morning.

Aspirin. Aspirin.

Yeah.

Bart?

I'll be right out.

Oh, I feel like

my head's gonna pop...

like I've been in a coma

or something.

Will you rub my neck

for a minute?

- Neck? Yeah, yeah.

- Please?

Thanks.

Did I drink a lot

last night?

Well...

- Right.

- What's wrong?

Forgot the aspirin. We both

had too much last night.

Ooh!

Ohh!

Hey, what took you

so long?

- l-I-I-I hopped in the shower.

- I need one too.

- I'm late for work.

- Yeah, and...

Art?

Art!

Whew! Ohh.

- You're not dressed yet.

- No.

I think I'm going to

take a shower.

Another one?

Yeah, I forgot, uh,

my ankles.

Ooh! Aah! Ow!

- You up?

- Didn't you hear me calling you?

Soap in my ears.

Did I leave the water on?

Yeah.

Ohh.

Ohh!

- Hey.

- Hi.

I gotta go,

but you stay.

- I'll have Maria make you breakfast.

- Yeah. That's okay.

I'd better be off. I don't

want to run into Bart... Art!

- I'll call you later.

- Sure.

Bye.

Art?

- Art!

- What?

I'm leaving now.

I have a date.

You're on the 9:
00 to Puerto Vallarta.

Um...

I-I'm just going to

fall back and...

regroup for a while

and...

make a plan.

Dumping one sister

at the altar...

and leaving the other

with a cheap one-night stand?

That's some fine plan.

You should

write that down.

You know...

1,000 ways to humiliate...

degrade, generally make

everyone miserable.

See ya.

- All right.

- I'm gonna play these ones.

- Give me...

- You want two fives still?

I'll take one.

- What you got?

- I'll take one.

- I'll take two.

- You're taking two?

- Two I'm taking.

- All right.

- Give me one.

- I'll take one.

- Hey, wait a minute. That's my card.

- What's the matter with you?

Hey, hey, hey.

I need your help.

- I saw you pull an ace out of your shoe.

- I didn't do it!

- I'm in a jam. You gotta help me.

- I can't. I'm in a hole.

This is serious. You gotta go

out, start the car and wait for me.

- Let me finish this hand.

- There is no time. Someone is after me.

- Cool! Way better than poker.

- Better than poker!

Where's my hat?

I'm coming, I'm coming!

- Come on, boys! I don't wanna be late!

- Okay! Go, go!

- The car is right here.

- Move, move!

- All right.

- Come on! Let's go, let's go!

- I'm bad at driving.

- Who's driving? Who's driving?

Just get in.

Okay, let's go, let's go.

All right,

get back in there.

You remember how, don't ya?

- Of course I do.

Idiot son of mine. Who else

would own a stick shift?

It's like making love to a woman...

put it in slowly and then floor it.

What do you know?

You haven't even got a license!

- It's only because I can't see.

- What are you doing? It's not even raining!

I don't know.

Wait a minute. Something...

I don't understand!

All right!

Move! Move! Let's go!

Come on!

- There!

- Hey! Now you're talking!

Take it slowly!

- Go back to

the home, you old farts!

Go, go, go, go, go!

Positively Homeric!

- I can't, I'm telling you!

- I'm telling you! I'm telling you!

: El embrague!: El

El embrague!

Eso, eso! Alli, arriba!

Taxi!

- Hey! They're coming!

Let's go! Let's go!

No! Hey!

I can't concentrate

on these pedals!

I'll steer!

Just step on it!

Come on!

It's all right!

Look out!

Keep going! Keep going!

Keep going! Stomp on it!

There's a valley in Spain

called Jarama

It's a place that

we all know so well

It was there that we gave

of our manhood

Where so many of

our brave comrades fell

Viva la Repblica!

Go, go! We can make it!

Aaah! Stop!

We're gonna die!

Relax! lt'll be fine! I've

seen it done a thousand times!

Not in real life!

Yes! Yes! We done it!

- All right, all right.

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