Two Night Stand

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1

Sh*t, f***.

F***, f***, f***, f***, f***...

Looking for homemade, fresh-baked goods?

Come to Terry's Country

bake shop in Red Hook.

- Home of "Family Circle's" magazine...

- ...with it's stunning natural beauty,

Fiji is the ideal holiday

tropical paradise for couples.

Well, Dave, while we didn't get the

white Christmas we were hoping for,

mother nature may have

a few tricks up her sleeve.

We're getting forecasts of a

hurricane-force blizzard coming tonight...

Oh, Megan, right where I left you.

- How adorable.

- You caught me red-handed.

I'm just... I'm such a sucker

for the classic American novel.

- Bad day?

- No, I'm just exhausted.

Yeah, I know, me too, right?

Maybe it's time... to get a job.

- You're telling me...

- Yes, I am.

I look for fulfilling work all the time.

I just happen to be taking a

break whenever you're around.

It's like studying when mom is watching.

Did you talk to your

parents about the lease?

Because the deadline's on the first and

Cedric is willing to take over if you...

Yeah, no, I haven't made a

decision on that yet, per se...

How did you not make a decision yet?

I mean, what did you do today?

Or what did you do this week?

I did Christmas.

- And I also started online dating.

- Seriously?

- Yes, yeah, shut up.

- No, I'm proud.

Meet anyone?

I said, started. I'm not a machine.

And, I also really like that idea

of going Dutch on principle except,

you know, I don't have any money so it's

kind of more of an intellectual exercise.

Hey, where are you going?

You just got home.

Cedric's friend is having

this birthday thing at this bar.

So then you're not cooking dinner?

No...

Yeah.

Do you want to come?

Well, it kind of depends

on the cake situation.

Well, the birthday boy is single.

And he's not the brightest but he's pretty,

so he's perfect for a one-night stand.

I don't know. Do you think I'm ready?

Who cares? I'm ready for you

to be ready. I mean seriously,

how long has it been? Aren't you horny?

Now see, I knew you two little freaks

be having these type of conversations

when I'm not around.

I knew it, especially you.

- Hi, Cedric.

- I knew it, I caught you.

Well, yes, no, I'm horny but I'm also...

somewhat lazy, sometimes.

So the two counteract,

like dueling wizards...

Not anymore. Tonight is the night.

- Faiza's setting me up.

- I'm thinking Ben.

- I like that, that's cool.

- Ben.

- Hello.

- Hi.

- What's up? ID please.

- I'm a girl.

No, I'm sorry, you look kinda young.

Take it like a compliment, all right?

Sh*t!

How did you lose your ID again?

You don't go anywhere.

Okay, wait, look,

I am old enough, I swear.

- Do you see that, right there? It moves.

- Oh, my God, Megan.

Hey, ID.

Oh, sh*t.

Awkward.

Hey.

- I heard you're doing good.

- From who?

I don't know, I just...

said that to be nice.

Chris, I think this girl's

trying to get by you.

Oh, no. This is... this is Becca.

Becca, this is Faiza

and Cedric and Megan.

Megan and I, we were together for a bit.

Is the abridged version, just like that?

You two coming in or what?

Nice to meet you.

Good seeing you, Megan.

I don't even want to

hear you guys say it.

Listen, if we knew that he was going

to be here I would have warned you.

This is a serious pattern,

I am regressing.

Last year I was in college and I was Chris's

fiance and I drank wine in restaurants.

And now I am at home all day in

my underwear, and I'm nobody's nothing,

and I can't even get into a bar.

What is happening to me?

I am going backwards!

I am Benjamin Button-ing!

He moved on, so what, so can you.

I say take a cab home,

get on that dating site, pick a cute guy.

No drinks, no dinner, just a hook-up.

You can't order it,

it's not edible arrangements!

Yeah, you can.

You have tits and the Internet.

- Cedric, back me up.

- Internet, tits. Let's go.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Go get them, tiger, you got this.

Right?

Nope.

Okay.

F*** it. He moved on, so can I.

Hey...

Keeping it lowercase.

Keeping it casual.

Really?!

Okay. Come on.

The bar is so low, it's so very low.

I sound like a computer virus.

Awesome.

Okay.

Do you want to hang out?

Wait! Oh, sh*t.

Safety first.

Hey, there.

Oh, man, I was... I was just so sure that

I was going to see a close-up of a penis.

Yeah, me too.

Wow, you are really pretty.

Really pretty. Anyway, so this is me.

Soak it in,

and this is my apartment.

As you can see,

it's a magical wonderland.

So do I pass the test or...

Yes, I think so.

I've actually...

I've never done this before.

- Me neither.

- No, no, no, no, like I know...

I know that people say that,

but I really... I haven't, nothing.

I know, me either.

Good.

Okay, well, I guess then

I will see you soon?

That is awesome. I mean,

that is cool, sweet, I will...

That will be a very nice thing to happen,

Megan. I will see you soon.

Okay.

Okay, bye.

I cannot believe I am schlepping

to Brooklyn for a booty call.

That is f***ing scandalous.

- I don't think it shut off right.

- No, no, the TV.

Is that a... is that a burglar alarm?

Did you sleep with your coat on?

Yeah, I get cold. Get the intruder!

Alarm reset.

- False alarm.

- Oh, that's so weird.

It's a bummer that it woke us up though,

but I should get going.

I had a great time, thank you.

It's... it's perfect for

what I needed, so...

Awesome.

Ambitious.

That's some alarm you got there.

Yeah, I don't even remember

even setting it... for 11:04.

Weird.

Morning, Megan.

Good morning, Alex.

It's... Alec, actually.

Yeah.

- What'd I say?

- Alex.

Do your way, one more time.

Alec. It's got a "C" at the end of it.

- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah.

- It's okay.

- Gotcha, sorry.

Well...

I had a blast, so...

thank you for having me.

You're welcome. My only concern is

how we're going to sugarcoat this when

we tell our grandkids how we met.

- Right?

- Yeah.

We'll cross that bridge

when we come to it.

Hey, so do you want to grab breakfast

or do you normally just take off?

Normally?

You said, "normally." Just...

like I do this so much that I'd have a

normal and an abnormal version of it?

That's... yeah, that's not what I meant.

I have no idea how often you do this.

I told you last night that this

is my first time doing anything,

- you know, remotely like this.

- Yeah, but come on.

Come on. What?

Megan, do you expect me to believe

this was your first one-night stand ever?

Yes! Yeah, no, I mean, the only reason

that I am here is because my roommate,

- she peer-pressured the sh*t out of me.

- Yeah, she sexiled you, or whatever, right?

Exactly, and yet I am sensing

some distinctly judgey vibes

coming from your side of the bed, which is

odd considering the team work involved.

There's no judgey vibes coming

from this side of the bed.

Honestly, I really admire what you did.

I wish more girls were that forward.

Forward? There we go

with the slut thing again.

I'm not calling you a slut!

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