Two Smart People Page #3

done by a nicer guy.

How about it?

Is it a deal?

Hmm.

Yeah, I guess so.

Huh, I..

What's the matter?

- Well, I can't believe it.

- What?

Well, I'm starting

on a trip like this.

Then, you didn't

expect to have me along.

Oh, yeah. Well, I figured on

being the host, not the guest.

(male #2)

'All aboard.'

- 317. This is it.

- So glad to see you again.

Hi, Clarence.

- Right.

- Hi.

Here we are.

Gentlemen.

Leave that where I can get it.

- Yes, sir.

- And I'll take this.

Thank you, sir.

Wow, very comfortable.

Nothing but the best.

Uh-huh.

Uh, it locks.

You don't mind if we

leave it open though.

- Not in the daytime, but...

- But what?

Well, if you don't mind my

mentioning it, you do snore.

That's because

of that champagne..

- Oh.

- Oh.

- Oh, I...

- I-I'm terribly sorry.

- That's quite alright.

- I almost missed the train.

You wanna put those down

or shall I straighten

your hat for you.

Oh.

Why, Mr. Connors.

What are you doing here?

Well, if it comes to that,

what are you doing here?

Well, I'm going to New Orleans.

So am I.

Well, that's wonderful.

No, that's miraculous.

- Say, ah, excuse me?

- Oh.

While you two are talking

I'll take your bags to your room

if you'd give me the number.

- It's an upper.

- That's the best you could do?

Well, yes. It was such

short notice.

- I was lucky to get anything.

- That's too bad.

Wait a minute why couldn't we..

Oh, this is sort

of embarrassing, but...

Why?

Well, with Mr. Connors

having a drawing room

and me this compartment,

both of us with all that room

(Bob) 'this poor lady

has to sleep in an upper.'

'Doesn't seems right.'

Oh, I don't mind.

Oh, but we do. We do.

I think we ought

to do something about it.

- Don't you, Ace?

- Me?

(Bob) 'After all, can see that you

and the young lady are friends.'

Oh, ah, Mr. Simms,

Miss Woodner.

We've met.

Yes, we have.

Well, I'm perfectly willing

to let you have my compartment.

That is, of course,

if you don't mind

my doubling up with you, Ace.

Oh, I-I couldn't.

Oh, but you must.

I insist.

We'll let you take over now.

We'll place you

with a conductor later.

- Well, I...

- No arguments.

- It's all arranged.

- Oh.

- We insist.

- Sure.

- Oh, that's very nice of you.

- Oh no..

Thank you very much,

I had no idea.

We are all happy now.

You ought to be very happy.

Ah..

And what about dinner?

Alright.

Got your appetite back?

I'm starved.

So am I.

[train chugging]

[train hooting]

Well, Ace, I've got

to hand it to you.

I've never had food and service

like this on any train.

It's magic, I haven't tasted

as good Canard Sauvage.

- Is that what it's called?

- One of Savarin's best.

Ah, it's awful good.

Crme de menthe?

Cointreau? Brandy?

Well, I'll have some

of the brandy.

- Me too.

- Brandy.

- Oh, this is too much.

- Ha ha.

- That is quite a valise.

- My own design.

- It is?

- Mm-hmm.

Seems to have everything.

Almost everything.

Oh, thanks.

[glass tinkles]

Well, here's to crime.

To crime.

Oh, to... yeah, to crime.

What business are you in,

Mr. Simms?

Call him Bob.

Bob.

Oh, I dabble in a lot of things.

Right now, his main interest

is in bonds.

- Oh, what kind of bonds?

- Government bonds mostly.

Nothing quite

like the Missouris.

That's right.

- More brandy?

- Mm-mm.

No, I'm full up.

Well, I hope you two

don't mind if I collapse.

Not at all,

make yourself comfortable.

Ricki and I are going

for a walk.

Won't you come along, Bob?

Yes, why don't you?

There is a new moon

tonight, Bob.

- I'll make a wish for you.

- Don't bother.

I will then.

[Ace chuckles]

[thunder]

Your Mr. Simms

is very charming.

Yes, isn't he?

Could it be that you gentlemen

are in some big deal together?

Quite a deal.

Oh.

Thank you.

I suppose he has

quite a bit of money.

Not as much

as he'd like to have.

And he cares nothing about art.

By the way, where did you

get that name Katushka?

[Ace laughing]

I had an aunt.

Aunt Katushka?

No, her cook.

She was divine. You should've

tasted her apple stew.

- With cinnamon?

- Yeah, cinnamon.

No, nutmeg.

Alright, nutmeg.

Quite a coincidence we should

both be on the same train.

Not so strange. Remember your

friend, Pete, the bell boy?

The boy who couldn't read.

He could read very well

upside down for five dollars.

That's how you

got my reservation.

At the risk of being

considered immodest

would you mind

telling me why you came?

Can't you guess?

I haven't stopped since

you got on the train.

Our friend, Mr. Chadwick,

behaved very badly.

Well, then, the trip

isn't purely pleasure?

Not entirely.

You and I have a lot in common.

Larceny.

Two minds that work as much

alike as ours belong together.

Instead of outsmarting

each other

we should combine our talents.

A merger?

- Strictly business.

- Strictly business.

[train whistles]

(Bob)

'Hello.'

Did you make that wish for me?

- I forgot.

- I didn't.

- Well, goodnight.

- Goodnight.

(Bob)

'Goodnight.'

Say, you know something?

This book's a gold mine.

Do you know that nine

outta ten dishes in here

are made with either

chicken or eggs?

That's amazing, isn't it?

Listen, chicken breaded, chicken

broth, chicken with truffles

chicken casserole, chicken

cutlet, chicken fricassee

chicken grenadine.

Chicken grilled, chicken

supreme, chicken timbales.

Chicken a la reine.

It's roast.

Chicken bou-din..

Chicken bodanza..

[train whistles]

[train chugging]

[train whistles]

- Well, hello.

- Good morning.

(Ricki)

'You finally woke up.'

You may not know,

but there are 375 ways

of preparing chicken and eggs.

I had to listen

to everyone of them.

Where is our nice

Mr. Simms now?

Well, he couldn't wait either.

It seems this was the only time

the barber could take him.

- Behold.

- Truffles.

Always better than mushrooms.

They might have had foie gras

how did you know

they'd have truffles?

I was sure they wouldn't,

so I brought some with me.

Oh, a man who carries

his own truffles.

There is something else

in there. What is it?

An improvement of my own.

Hmmm. What?

The barest drop of Madeira.

- Oh.

- Next time, you'll wait.

Next time, I shall.

I...there'll be a stop soon.

I wanna get my coat.

Why not tell the truth?

- What do you mean?

- I'm breaking your heart.

Oh, yeah... completely

shattered.

- See you later.

- Mm-hmm.

[music]

Looking for something,

Mr. Simms?

Yes, Ace said that

he had some aspirins

but he forgot to say where.

Here.

[chuckles]

Thanks.

Got a headache?

Well, it's probably

a little eye strain.

That's too bad.

- Here you are.

- Thank you.

That'll do it.

Ace left his suitcase open.

It isn't like him

to be so thoughtless.

We'll have to speak

to him about that.

- I much rather you wouldn't.

- Why not?

Well, he might not like

my looking through his things.

Well, I thought you

were old friends.

Oh, yes, we are, but he might

think I was taking alook.

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