Two Weeks Page #5

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Sylvia.

Oh, please, come in.

Oh, no. I won't trouble you,

but I brought you this.

Your mother said

it's your favorite.

Oh, thank you. What is it?

Tuna casserole.

I made it with

cream of mushroom soup

and some of those

fancy canned onion rings,

right on top.

Wow. Hi, I'm Matthew.

Hi, Matthew.

This is great.

Oh.

I'm gonna check on you

again tomorrow.

Okay, all right.

Bye.

Bye.

Matthew, it was really

nice of you to tell that lady

that you love that stuff.

What are you talking about?

Mmm. You want some?

No, thank you.

Come on, we are never

gonna get this place

cleaned out.

Why would she keep her

expired driver's license

from 1987?

Let me see that.

Oh, it's a good picture.

We should keep this.

Come on.

Mr. Ruthless is in the house.

What about these?

I don't know.

They're so Mom.

What the hell? Look.

I especially like this one

of you with your mouth open,

chewing on a hot dog.

It was a tofu dog.

Of course it was.

Hey, guys,

look at this.

"Dr. Vannick, chemo,

"blood test, chemo,

"support group,

blood test."

Jesus.

She had an appointment

every day for

the last three months.

That's a lot of work.

After five years of that,

I wouldn't want

surgery either.

No.

No.

I'm sorry. It feels

like grave robbing.

Jim, if that money

goes to probate,

it'll be tied up for a year

and the lawyers will get 10%.

I don't know.

Jim.

By next week,

you're going to be

up to your ass

in medical bills.

Yeah.

All right. I'm in, okay?

Well done.

Good.

Good.

How's it coming?

Well, I got pretty good

when I skipped school,

but it's been a while.

Forgery's like

riding a bicycle,

you never forget how.

I've heard.

What do I get to do?

You're driving

the getaway car.

Ready? Let's go.

If you hear gunfire,

make sure the engine's

running and the doors

are unlocked.

How is Mrs. Bergman?

Not well.

Fine, thanks.

She's fine, fine.

She's not well enough

to come in.

She has a bit of a cold.

Right.

So she asked us

to close her account

for her.

Just a moment.

I just want to say

how great it is

to be working

with the two

surviving Stooges.

We were supposed

to say, "Not well."

Well, yeah.

JIM:
The whole point

of being here...

BARRY:
Real smooth, Jim.

She's dying.

We're not supposed

to tell her she's dying.

Here she comes.

Hmm.

We know.

You know?

I told him.

See, the thing is...

It was all my idea.

I talked them both

into coming here.

I know...

I know we should have

done it when

she was feeling better,

but I didn't...

Bedelia's sister works

at the cancer center.

Uh-huh.

Please tell Ms. Bergman

that we all hope

to see her in here again

real soon.

Oh.

Thank you.

JIM:
Sure.

Thank you.

We will.

Bedelia will cut you a check.

Oh, well, thank you.

You know,

the confessing thing

worked for you,

but next time,

just rat out Barry

'cause he's already

got a record.

Blow me.

Well,

The Dying Experience says

religious support

can be very comforting.

To who?

No, "whom."

Well, I guess I just

don't find rabbis

all that comforting.

But rabbits are

comforting, though.

All soft and fuzzy.

We could get one of those.

Your mother's

not very religious.

Well, maybe if we had

someone here...

Em, she's comatose.

The books say

that nobody knows what

comatose people can hear.

Besides, Mom doesn't like

rabbis all that much.

The last time she set foot

in a synagogue was

Matthew's bar mitzvah.

Yeah, me, too.

I'm not exactly clear on

why I even had a bar mitzvah.

To piss off Dad.

To piss Dad off.

Oh, yeah. Hey, you guys

remember Aunt Eva's rabbit?

EMILY:
Excuse me.

Is she the one who lived

at the junkyard?

Yeah. But she didn't

call it a junkyard,

she called it an antique yard.

Died a multimillionaire.

Excuse me.

We should have visited

more often.

Will you guys

just shut up?

Mom's dying.

That's what religion is for.

I'm calling a rabbi.

Does anyone wanna

fight about it?

No.

Emily's my best friend.

I talk to her

two or three times a day.

I love her to death.

Em, I do.

KEITH:
But?

But?

Well...

But I don't know that

I did her any favors

making her my best friend.

Especially during the divorce.

She took everything on

like it was her job

to support me.

I would come home

and discuss my dates

with my 14-year-old daughter.

She seemed so grown up.

I remember we were on vacation

at Raquette Lake,

right after your father

and I separated.

And you were

fooling around with

that married cop.

You knew about that?

Well, she was

very grown up,

but she couldn't

keep a secret

to save her life.

Yeah, well, hmm,

that was a long time ago.

She keeps secrets

better now, right?

Keith?

Uh...

Mom?

It's okay

to let go, Mom.

We'll really miss you,

but it's okay.

I'm right here.

I'm right here.

Shh.

KEITH:
Thanks for coming

so late, Carol.

I can increase the morphine

and the frequency.

Well, what happens

if she gets too much?

In the hospitals,

they tend to err

on the side

of a few more days of life.

But, in hospice, we leave

that up to the patient

and their families.

So too much morphine...

It's up to you and your mom.

She's not very responsive.

Increase the dosage.

Okay.

How about this?

That was

Uncle Abe's daughter's.

How do you know that?

Who's Uncle Abe?

It's real silver.

"Hong Kong. Silver plate."

It's crap.

We can't leave it.

I am not keeping this stuff.

If you leave it,

I'm gonna sell it.

It's sentimental.

Not to me.

Me, either.

Fine, I'll take it.

Thank you.

I guess that's it then.

I'm gonna stash my stuff

in my luggage.

Yeah.

Me, too.

I can go to U-Haul

and get you some boxes.

Thanks.

Arnie, I don't want to

take advantage

of the family relationship,

but...

So, can we get it down

to $650?

Great, thanks.

She wants to have them spread

on her father's grave.

Yeah, well, so it's an

Orthodox cemetery. So what?

Oh, uh...

Yeah. Well, we wouldn't

want to piss off

a whole field of dead people,

now would we?

Yeah, well, we'll talk

about it, okay?

Yeah, yeah. Great, great.

Thank you. Thanks, Arnie.

Bye.

EMILY:
Thank you

for coming, Rabbi.

Well, I'm actually

an assistant rabbi.

But I guess, after 26 years

as a Navy chaplain,

I know a thing or two.

Is there a prayer

or something

we should say for her

for Yom Kippur?

Why, she doesn't

need a prayer.

She just needs

to get well.

Anita?

Can you hear me?

You're going

to be all right!

Now, I was a Navy chaplain

for 26 years,

so I know a thing or two!

You'll be fine, okay?

You look good!

Now, take care, you hear?

Well, when Matthew was little,

he liked to get up

in the middle of the night

and come get in bed

with Mommy and Daddy,

which drove Daddy crazy

because he was

a very light sleeper.

KEITH:
So what did you do?

Well, there was a closet door

right outside of his

bedroom door,

so, at night, we would tie

the doorknob from the closet

onto the doorknob

of his bedroom,

and that was

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