Two Weeks Notice Page #2

at interviews, but that was fun.

Yes. Isn't "fun" fun?

It's been a pleasure, Tiffany.

Mr. Wade? Mr. Wade?

Hi, I'm Lucy Kelson. I'm an attorney.

Have you ever heard

of Saint-Tropez Law School?

- No.

- Shame.

- Where did you go to law school?

- Harvard.

- Harvard?

- Yes.

Intriguing. Tell me more.

What's your background?

I don't see how that's relevant.

I work for the Coalition for the Homeless.

- I'm working at Legal Aid.

- That can't pay much.

Well, I'm not very interested in money.

Now, Mr. Wade...

Wait a minute. You're Kelson.

You lie in front of our wrecking balls.

- You attacked the Zegman brothers...

- I did not.

It's not my fault they walked

under a protest sign.

- You're not here for a job?

- I'm here representing...

...the Coney Island Community Center.

It was built in 1922.

It's the heart of Coney Island.

It has adult education, basketball...

...CPR, Lamaze, water ballet,

senior's tae kwon do. It's great.

For children, it's a home away from home.

I mean, I practically grew up there.

It's lovely, but Trump

has the inside track. Nice to meet you.

No, Mr. Wade, you don't understand.

I live there, as well as my parents.

They know Assemblyman Perez,

who's on the board.

If you can guarantee the preservation

of this center, I can guarantee you the build.

But why us? Why Wade?

Well, I can't get in to see Trump

and the Zegmans have a restraining order.

Mr. W?

You're supposed to be taping

The View in half an hour...

...and Public Policy magazine needs a quote

on the challenges of urban planning. Hey.

Right. Yes. Quote, quote, quote, quote...

What I love about architecture

is its ability to shape a community.

This center has shaped the community!

It turns strangers into neighbors...

Its ability to change

strangers into neighbors.

How the right design for a park

makes people feel secure.

How a school building can be functional

and beautiful so that kids feel...

No, the community center makes children

feel engaged, and it allows them a place...

Functional and beautiful so that kids

feel engaged instead of imprisoned?

- Yeah, it sounds good.

- I like that.

But I said a community center,

not a school.

I know, it's all very good.

Jump in. Thanks.

- Nice shirt.

- Thank you.

So do we have a deal?

No. I want something else from you.

No. I am fully aware of your reputation

and there's no way you're getting that. No.

- Getting what?

- You know.

The sex. That's not gonna happen.

No, that would be nice.

I promise to save your community center.

On top of which, you can direct

our pro bono efforts.

That's millions at your charitable disposal.

I've spent my entire life

working against people like you.

Well, maybe if you work for me,

you'll win occasionally.

I need an answer, I'm afraid, immediately.

Here is my direct number at the Grand Hotel.

- You live at a hotel?

- Well, I own the hotel and I live there.

My life is very much like Monopoly.

And I know you wouldn't care,

but I'll start you at $250,000.

There's also usually

a very nice Christmas bonus.

Thank you.

- I can't believe how much I ate.

- I'm proud of you.

The whole left side of the menu.

You know when I get tense,

I just start to eat.

- Honey, you cannot work for that man.

- Hey, we can use the bail money.

- Remember what Sun Tzu said?

- Yes.

"Keep your friends close

and your enemies closer."

Sun Tzu didn't have a daughter.

What's this? Oh, dessert. Thank you.

It's the only way to save

the community center.

It is. And if I work for him...

...I have huge resources

at my disposal for charities and shelters...

- Yes, but...

- Mom, I promise.

I will still be your daughter.

I will still be a lawyer.

And I will still have

all the same ideals.

Let's update all the files.

Especially the muni-codes

because I'll need those.

I'm gonna speak with Mr. Wade.

Mr. Wade, so sorry to bother.

I've been over the Environmental

Impact Reports for Island Towers.

- I would really love to talk to you.

- Very good.

I really wanted to ask you:

Which one of these do you prefer?

- How do you mean?

- It's for my new personalized stationery.

Is this a trick question?

They look exactly the same to me.

No, not at all. This is a linen finish

and this is a watermarked vellum finish.

Leaving aside the fact

that they've taken perfectly good forests...

...and denuded them in order

to produce this nonrecyclable paper...

...I would say it was...

Well, then this one. It tastes better.

Do you know, I've asked

You're the only one to come up

with that answer.

My God, you're good.

I'm getting you a bigger office.

No, it's very sweet,

but I'd rather go over the...

Very firm.

But is it too firm?

There's some debate among chiropractors

about the optimum level of mattress tension.

What are your thoughts?

If you really want to know,

the more firm the mattress...

...the more pressure on the 5th vertebra.

Quite bouncy, though. Have a bounce.

No.

- Hello.

- Yes, I'm glad you're up.

I didn't want to wake you.

I just felt like a chat.

George, it is 2:
15 in the morning.

Can't you talk to whatever

Mensa candidate you're with?

I resent the implication...

...that because someone

may not share your high IQ...

...they're not a person

of substance and depth.

- You all right?

- I swallowed my Altoid.

She swallowed her Altoid. That can happen.

A sudden hair flick, very dangerous.

Okay, George, I am tired.

Put her on the phone.

You mean, put her on the phone?

Put her on the phone!

All right. Someone for you.

- Hi.

- Hi.

The man you're dancing

with is deeply troubled, okay?

And even though he's rich

and attractive...

...you're too young to trade

yourself like a stock on NASDAQ...

...for someone who won't

remember your name...

...or his in the morning,

is still married...

...and has recently had

a very suspicious rash.

It is 2:
16.

Go home, finish high school

and reach your potential!

You all right?

I think I'm gonna go.

- What did you say to her? Nice chat?

- Yes.

That we have to talk about.

Now, do you think I should cry?

I was thinking bursts of sobs.

More of a whimper.

You're pathetic. Good night.

All right.

I'm sure he'll be here any minute.

Is there any more Diet Coke?

Sorry, everybody.

Did I miss the blessed event?

Check with me before you talk.

Now that we're all here, I'd like to discuss

the settlement terms.

The terms have been set.

It's called a prenup.

We both know...

...that a prenup doesn't preclude

certain recompensatory...

In plain English, although I can follow

you in German and Japanese if you prefer.

- She wants double the alimony.

- No way.

Given the situation,

it's not an unreasonable request.

You're referring to the alleged infidelity,

are you not?

Alleged? He was having

sex with her in our bed.

I knew you were worried

about getting anything on that sofa.

- How dare you come in here...

- I shouldn't have said that. Sorry.

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