Two Weeks Notice Page #3

Please.

So you are saying that infidelity

is worth twice the alimony.

Using your reasoning,

any infidelity on her part...

...would have to be held against her

in a monetary accounting.

What are you suggesting?

The soon to be ex-Mrs. Wade did a little

couch time with a company accountant.

And he's willing to testify.

I have Ioyal employees.

I think it's the health plan.

- The health plan is excellent.

- Thank you.

- We will not agree to pay any...

- We will pay the alimony...

...plus $100,000 and

a generous property settlement...

...if you release me from further obligation.

- You son of a b*tch!

- What?

Watch your language

or you will not get the estate, Mrs. Wade.

Don't call me that!

You're just another one of his stupid bimbos!

Now, wait! She is far from stupid...

- What do you think you're doing?

- Went up my nose.

- Water went up my nose.

- It's only water.

Okay, this hankie is very nearly clean.

I'm going to dab you.

- You may blow.

- Thank you.

Good.

Divorce always gives me

an appetite. Kebab?

No, I've never warmed

to the idea of a flesh Popsicle.

- One, please. Chicken, thank you.

- Why did you give her the money?

She'd never have stopped

till she got what she wanted.

You always say I have a responsibility

towards those less fortunate.

Everybody is less fortunate than you...

...so just give the money to someone

who's not gonna spend it on collagen.

You only want me to be generous

to those you approve of.

No. I only want you to

finally allow me to do my job.

You did your job. This morning I was married,

now I'm not. You did it superbly.

Thank you very much.

Here, that's fine. You keep the change.

Thank you.

George.

- Hey, that's my coffee, you jerk!

- Oh, sir, I'm so sorry.

- Moron!

- I thought you were needy.

What's wrong with you?!

Can't a guy have a cup of coffee?!

- It's all right. Come on, Mother Teresa.

- My only cup of the day! You ruined it!

Okay, now, what do you think?

Too ornate?

I don't care about the belt.

You're upset.

Look, from now on, I'll get someone else

to handle my divorces.

It's not like I enjoy them.

Maybe I should go somewhere where

no one knows how much money I have.

Where is Staten Island?

Why don't we go there?

Thanks, but Harvard

doesn't give a degree in yenta.

I'm not here to find you a wife

or to pick out your clothes.

My heroes are Clarence Darrow,

Thurgood Marshall...

Who's another non-scummy lawyer?

My parents!

My father worked for Martin Luther King.

My mother is a law professor.

They taught me that lawyers

should be treated with respect.

I have complete respect for you.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Luce, wait. Wait!

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here

to join together Meryl and Tom...

...as they stand before us

on this joyous day...

...proclaim their love and enter

into that most sacred bond of all...

...the bond of holy...

Is that yours?

I'm so sorry.

Please continue. Everyone looks so beautiful.

Just keep going.

Bye. You guys, I'll be right back.

Hold this for me. I'll be back.

Twenty bucks for your cab.

Keep the 20 and let's have dinner.

Keep your dinner. I'll keep my 20

and we'll call it even.

- Okay, sounds good.

- Okay, bye.

Go.

George, pick up. What's wrong?

Don't tell me that the construction permits

didn't come through...

...because I had the application

into the Zoning Committee by 9 a.m.

- Evening, Miss Kelson.

- Willie, told you the Mets would sweep.

- Miss Kelson.

- Ms. Hana.

- Good evening, Miss Kelson.

- Linda.

- George?

- Help! I'm in my closet.

- What is it?

- That is a very attractive.

Okay, I'm judging the Miss New York contest

in under an hour. It's on television.

What do you think?

Please don't tell me you called me out

of a wedding to help you pick out a suit.

- You ran out of a wedding? That's horrible!

- You said it was an emergency!

Didn't I memo you as to what

constitutes an emergency?

Yes. Large meteor, severe loss of blood

and what's the third one again?

- Death! And you're not dead.

- No.

You weren't dead when

you called me at 3:00 a. m...

...because you had a nightmare about

becoming a member of KISS.

Just like when you barged in

on my woman's doctor appointment...

...to ask me which picture

to put on the cover of People.

I don't like those very much. If it's any

consolation, I will be dead eventually.

Tonight is important. I'm representing

the Wade organization. That includes you.

Not anymore, George.

- I'm sorry?

- You got Island Towers, I got Coney Island.

Why don't we just call it quits, okay?

I can't take it anymore.

- What, are you serious?

- Yes.

Please, consider this my two weeks' notice.

- I find you ungrateful.

- Ungrateful?

- Yes, ungrateful.

- Ungrateful?!

Yes. I hire you with

no corporate experience.

I give you an apartment, a great office,

the nonfat muffin basket every morning.

- George!

- Why do you keep your phone on?

You crave the excitement.

This is entirely my thing...

...because I've managed

to turn myself into this...

It's not like I'm enjoying it either.

Now I can't. I'm addicted.

I have to know what you think.

What do you think?

I think you are the most selfish

human being on the planet.

That's just silly. Have you met

everyone on the planet?

Goodbye, George.

I don't have a shirt.

Ansel, I finally quit. He called me

out of Meryl's wedding.

- I'll never get that moment back.

- Okay.

I'll set up interviews with law firms

that do pro bono work, and...

- All right, hang on.

- What?

Look, we're shipping out.

I gotta go. You take care of yourself.

I gotta go, hon.

Okay, just don't fall in love with

any cute marine biologists.

- Okay, I promise. Bye.

- Okay.

- Love you.

- Bye.

I am really looking forward

to a new challenge...

...and your firm has the optimal blend

of public and private interest law.

Lucy, your resume is amazing.

You know that.

But we do a lot of business with Wade.

All the more reason for me

to make a smooth transition.

- Lucy.

- Yes.

George Wade called me this morning

and informed me...

...that you are indispensable

to his organization.

At the moment, we're not hiring.

Then why did you agree to see me?

Honestly, we're partners

with Zodiac Construction...

They do millions of dollars

of business with Wade Realty...

- And Mr. Wade...

- Doesn't want you to hire me.

The attorney who was planning

to quit reconsidered.

- When did Mr. Wade call?

- Mr. Wade never called.

- When?!

- Maybe an hour ago.

Make sure you massage his cloven hoof!

I'm suddenly feeling a pain in my ass.

I am unemployable! You called everyone

except for Slurpee Heaven!

That is not true. I did call Slurpee Heaven.

They didn't want you.

Heard you had attitude.

Said you weren't Slurpee material.

- You should really let us work on you.

- I don't like to be touched!

I'm sorry, you guys are great.

It's not you.

All right, listen.

You have a contract and it says

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