Unaccompanied Minors Page #6

Ready? Go.

What the?

Stupid cheap cameras.

Doesn't get any better than this.

Oh, we're supposed

to take away chairs.

- I win!

- Can I say something to you?

What?

Who needs Hawaii?

What?

Donna? Are you okay?

It's really small in here.

I know. It's great, isn't it?

Charlie, just because you compensate for

your abandonment issues by squeezing...

...yourself into small, womb-like spaces

doesn't mean everybody else does.

What?

My mom's a psychologist.

Donna, I won't let anything

happen to you.

I promise.

Thanks.

Oh, Charlie, you didn't.

Sorry, I get nervous.

I had a hot dog when I got off the plane.

Oh, Charlie.

Yeah, can we hold all of those until

we're out of the confined space, please?

Will do.

- Where are you going?

- The food court's this way.

Trust me.

A few hundred yards and I'll be...

Charlie!

Charlie, please tell me you're okay.

Hey, Donna.

I told you I'd get you out of there.

This is where Mr. Porter

put all the Christmas decorations.

Hey, hey!

Wake up!

Wake up! Check the rooms, you idiots!

Does this mean we can go on break?

All clear.

I don't think any planes...

...are gonna be flying today.

- Nope.

Looks like we'll be spending

another day together.

Sounds good to me.

Is that?

Oh, my gosh.

Man, wasn't easy getting this

through security.

It's Christmas.

You know what, guys?

I've got an idea.

Let's do this.

And then I said, "That is my food. "

Donna, how did you get here?

Van Bourke...

...we need your help.

I need a list of all the kids

traveling with families...

...and the passengers

traveling by themselves.

Okay, this one's mine

and that one's yours. Okay?

Can you also please get the unaccompanied

minors back here at 7 a. M?

Oh, one more thing.

I guess I owe you a congratulations.

As promised.

Who trained you kids, the Navy SEALs?

Look, sir, just... Divorce kids are

more resourceful than others, that's all.

Any chance you can tell me

what you're up to now?

Something nice. You know, nothing bad.

I promise.

Any chance of you trusting me

and not locking us up again?

I was just doing my job.

You do know that, right?

Just like I've just been doing my job

every Christmas for the past 15 years.

Bet your family hates it

that you work on Christmas.

Not much of a problem,

since my wife left five Christmases ago.

That why you don't put up

the decorations?

Well, let's just say

they don't remind me of happy times.

We were just, you know,

trying to have a Christmas.

- We thought you'd care.

- Why would I care?

This is an airport.

You're passengers.

- So?

- So passengers leave.

There's one thing I don't get.

I bump you off your planes...

...and I keep you

from your families at Christmas.

Why do you guys seem

almost happy?

Because you didn't keep us from our family.

At least, not our new family.

Right.

I got it.

Mr. Porter.

We got you something.

Sorry we wrecked your vacation.

Almost there.

Highway mileage, not city mileage.

Highway mileage, not city... Oh, come on!

Why?! I've already filled you up

five times!

How can you drink so much?!

You yellow monster!

Good morning.

Merry Christmas! Everybody up!

Happy holidays, everyone.

Merry Christmas, Katherine.

Spencer.

- Spencer, Spencer.

- Oh, whoa, hi.

Spencer, look what Santa brought me.

He even brought back Sir Poops-A-Lot.

Santa's a nice guy, huh?

Santa came back.

It's Santa.

- Who is that?

- I thought you knew.

I hope you've all been

good little boys and girls.

Okay. Okay. Stay with me.

- Yes.

- Santa.

Get me a chair, you idiot.

- Here you go, Santa, sir.

- Yes. Thank you.

I'm looking for Owen Marks.

I'm Owen Marks.

- Well, merry Christmas, Owen Marks.

- Thanks, Santa.

Oh, you're welcome, Owen.

Merry Christmas.

You're not, like, gonna be scared

of him now, are you?

Not after the night I just had.

Wait! Wait, wait, wait for me! Wait for me.

I wanna help. I wanna help.

- Merry Christmas.

- All right. Merry Christmas.

Man, I'm glad you guys

already have a Santa Claus.

There was a dead mouse in my costume.

- Dad?

- Daddy! Daddy!

Merry Christmas, pumpkin!

You drove from Pennsylvania for us?

Of course I did, Spence. I'm your dad.

Through a blizzard? In your car?

Yeah. Actually, I...

I drove a Humvee.

A Hummer! You drove a Hummer

from Pennsylvania...

...in a blizzard just to see us.

Yeah, yeah. But, hey, let's just

talk about happy things, shall we?

I take back everything

I ever said about you.

Wait, what...?

What kind of things did you say about me?

Alan Davies!

I'm...

Actually, it's...

Sorry, I'm 36.

You're at an airport alone

on Christmas morning, aren't you?

Yes, Santa, I am.

Well, Alan, come on over

and get your present from Santa.

Awesome. I'd love a present.

- A basketball.

- Oh, I love basketball!

Check this out. I used to be an all-star.

Hey, can you throw that back?

I have a lot of presents to give away,

but before I do...

...I just wanna thank my friends over there

for setting all this up.

If they actually worked for Santa...

...they'd be fired so fast

their heads would spin.

But they did a wonderful job

here this morning.

And since they did,

I want them to know...

...that they'll be flying out of here

first thing this morning!

Merry Christmas!

- You're friends with Santa?

- Yeah.

I guess I am.

Hi.

Do you like dolls?

I don't know.

Not as much as I used to, I guess.

I am 12, you know.

Did you know that I found

that Christmas tree?

You did? How?

Let me tell you a little story

about a man called Beef.

Okay.

It all started on a cold, stormy night.

Me and Aquaman started trudging

through the snow.

Yeah. Yeah, Mom. We're fine.

You know, it turned out that it wasn't

such a bad night after all, you know?

In fact it was...

It was actually pretty great.

So...

Yeah, I'll call again

when I get to Dad's house.

Mom?

I...

I love you.

Her name is Lady Sleeps-A-Lot.

Oh, Val, what's wrong?

Oh, my gosh. Are the kids okay?

- Honey?

- It's Spencer.

Well, is he all right?

He said that he loved me.

Oh, criminy, Val.

You need to start dating more.

Do you know how ridiculous you look?

Really.

So it's all right if I call you sometime?

Why do you think I gave you

my phone number, goofball?

It was nice meeting you, Donna.

You're a very special young lady.

Man, you're so hot!

Yeah, I know.

Other side. The middle.

Down low. Too slow.

I should have noticed because "too slow"

rhymes with "down low. "

Why didn't I see that coming?

Well, hope you have a nice Christmas.

How could I not?

Got the whole place to myself.

More fruitcake and eggnog for me.

Yeah, you know, I was sort of thinking.

Maybe if you don't wanna go home

quite yet...

...you know, maybe you could...

...I don't know, spend Christmas with...

...my dad and my sister and me.

Took you long enough, noodle-head.

Come on.

Oh, hey.

You guys have any money for gas?

I kind of maxed out my cards

on the way here.

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