Uncut Gems Page #17

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EDDIE:

Yeah, that guy said there’s some hotchick living in your apartment. Who isthat?

HOWARD:

(exploding)

What are you doing talking to thatcoke-head?! I told you to go in therean take a sh*t!

EDDIE:

And I did!

The elevator arrives.

HOWARD:

It’s enough already! Now get in theelevator!

They enter. As the doors close...

HOWARD (CONT’D)

(quietly)

Don’t talk about that with anybody.

INT. HOWARD AND DINAH’S FAMILY CAR - NIGHT

HOWARD and EDDIE get back in the car.

DINAH:

Did you get what you wanted?

HOWARD:

Yes.

Howard falls silent and puts the car into drive. EDDIEpensively stares at his father, then out the window.

109.

EXT. HOWARD’S HOUSE - FOREST HILLS, NY - AFTER

The Mercedes drives down a tree-lined street, pulls into adriveway and cuts the engine. The family piles out of the car.

DINAH:

Put the recycling out before you comein.

HOWARD walks around to the side of the house, grabs a blue binand slowly drags it to the curb.

EXT. 47-50 ROCKEFELLER SUBWAY STATION - EARLY MORNING

HOWARD exits a subway station onto 5th avenue holding a box ofMagnolia Cupcakes. He sips from a cup of coffee as he fightsthrough rush hour foot traffic.

INT. ADLEY’S AUCTION HOUSE - LOBBY - SOON AFTER

HOWARD approaches the RECEPTIONIST. She is on the phone.

HOWARD:

(smiling)

Big day! Magnolia cupcakes, from thedowntown original one.

RECEPTIONIST:

(mouthing)

No thanks.

He places the box of cupcakes on the counter.

HOWARD:

Tell everybody here thank you so muchand that these are on me, Howard

Ratner.

HOWARD notices a catalogue on the counter.

HOWARD (CONT’D)

Ah, what have we here? Is this today’scatalogue?

RECEPTIONIST nods. HOWARD flips through the catalogue quicklylanding on a page marked by an insert. The page is the listingfor his BLACK OPAL. The insert is an official “NOTICE” from

ADLEY'S; an apology/correction stating that the true appraisalof the black opal is: “$155,000 - $225,000.”

110.

HOWARD (CONT’D)

(to self)

What the f***... This is a mistake.

(to RECEPTIONIST)

This is a mistake!!

RECEPTIONIST:

That’s a correction.

HOWARD:

No, its a correction, but it’s a

f***ing mistake! Where’s Anne? I needto speak with her.

RECEPTIONIST:

Anne is in a meeting right now.

HOWARD:

No! Pull her out of the meeting. Thisis an emergency.

A pause. HOWARD reaches over, picks up the phone and hands itto the receptionist.

RECEPTIONIST:

CALL HER ON THE PHONE NOW!

RECEPTIONIST (CONT’D)

If you promise to keep your voicedown, I’m happy to call her.

The RECEPTIONIST dials.

HOWARD:

Jesus, f***!

RECEPTIONIST:

Hell, Anne. I’m here with-

HOWARD:

(raising his voice

immediately)

Can you Ask her what the f*** is upwith this 155 bullshit!?!

RECEPTIONIST:

Did you hear that?.... Mmmhmmm.... Shesays that’s your appraisal..

HOWARD:

Yeah, I can see that! I’m asking whocame up with the f***ing figure.

111.

RECEPTIONIST:

(listening)

... Oscar in Gems-

HOWARD:

Well, Oscar is wrong! I can go and getsix appraisals right now and five ofthem would say at least 3,000 a carat!

RECEPTIONIST:

He says he can go get six-

HOWARD:

Gimme that!

(grabbing phone)

This is f***ing outrageous!

ANNE (O.S.)

(ice cold)

You need to calm yourself down Mr.

Ratner-

HOWARD:

I will not calm down! This appraisalis a f***ing joke!

ANNE (O.S.)

Oscar happens to be one of our mostexperienced gemologists-

HOWARD:

-who clearly knows nothing aboutcolored stones! And why the f*** am Ijust hearing about this now, huh!?!

ANNE (O.S.)

Need I remind you Mr. Ratner that youbrought us your opal on a Friday at5pm for an auction set for Monday at10am. We’re lucky-

HOWARD:

I don’t care. It’s wrong. It needs tobe changed.

ANNE (O.S.)

That’s not an option. If you’d like,

we can pull it.

112.

HOWARD:

Pull it!?! No! What we’re gonna do is,

at the top of the auction you’re gonnamake an announcement that the

correction is a mistake and that the

original estimate stands.

ANNE (O.S.)

We’re not correcting a correction. Wecan either pull it or carry on as is.

It’s entirely up to you.

HOWARD:

(changing his tone)

Great. Thank you so much.... Yes... Ican have Aren at AGL call youimmediately... Yes, that was mymistake and it won’t happen again...

Thank you so much. I’ll let her know.

ANNE (O.S.)

Let who know?

ANNE (O.S.) (CONT'D) HOWARD

I’m done here, Mr. Ratner. (talking over her)

Please note, this will be the I appreciate it, Anne. Andlast time you’ll be doing any look, I’m sorry for losing mybusiness with Adley's-cool... Yeah, I know this was

all rather last minute and I

apologize.

ANNE (O.S.)

Mr. Ratner-

HOWARD hangs up the phone.

HOWARD:

(to RECEPTIONIST)

Ok. It’s all sorted out. Here’s what

we’re gonna do. We’re gonna take allthe inserts out of all of these

catalogues before the auction starts-

The RECEPTIONIST picks up the phone.

HOWARD (CONT’D)

What are you doing?

RECEPTIONIST:

I need to call Anne-

HOWARD:

Wait, there’s no need for that

113.

GOOEY (O.S.)

Howard!

HOWARD’s turns around and sees GOOEY and AARON entering thebuilding. His entire face lights up.

HOWARD:

F*** it. It’s fine. Keep ‘em as is.

(to GOOEY)

Gooey!!!!

HOWARD rushes to greet them.

HOWARD (CONT’D)

Are you a sight for sore eyes!

AARON:

Did KG come? Is he here?

HOWARD:

I dunno, I haven’t been in yet.

AARON pulls out KG’s Farragut high school jersey and otherephemera.

AARON:

You think he’ll sign these? I broughta bunch of things for him to sign.

HOWARD:

If he comes, definitely. But you’dwant to do it before the auction

starts. Go up to the auction room, seeif he’s inside.

AARON rushes away towards the elevator bays.

HOWARD (CONT’D)

He’s a great guy, you’ll love him.

GOOEY:

He’s excited!

A pause.

HOWARD:

Listen, I want to ask you for a littlefavor.

GOOEY:

What?

HOWARD:

So.... I need you to jack the bids.

114.

GOOEY:

What!?! Absolutely not.

HOWARD:

I’m not talking about a lot, you justmake a few bids, here and there, justto ensure it gets to 250.

GOOEY:

And what if I win at 250?

HOWARD:

Easy. Then I give it right back toyou. But don’t worry, it won’t.

GOOEY:

Jesus! You know this is not a verynice position to put me in. I resentthis very much.

HOWARD:

Look, I’m stuck, Gooey. I f***ed up. Ishould have gotten my own appraisalbut I didn’t have time.

GOOEY:

How much did they appraise it for?

HOWARD:

They have it at 200

GOOEY:

200!?! What happened to one mill-

HOWARD:

-but that’s only cuz these assholesdon’t have an opal specialist. My guyat the AGL said an easy 500 based onthe pictures.

(beat)

20%. I’ll give you 20% of the winningbid. You’ll be a partner with me...

KG’s gonna buy it, I promise. The guyis obsessed with the stone.

GOOEY:

Today was supposed to be about Aaronmeeting KG, coming to show support.

HOWARD:

Gooey, this is support like you’venever known.

115.

INT. ADLEY’S AUCTION HOUSE - AUCTION FLOOR - SOON AFTER

C.U.:
A gavel slams down on its sound block.

An AUCTIONEER, 40’s, British accent, stands at a podium. Abovehim, large TV’s show the necklaces in detail.

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