Under The Volcano Page #3

- [ Gasping, Murmurs ]

- Ah, good morning, Quincey.

- What's good about it?

I have just been

inspecting my paradise.

I half expected to see Adam

come riding out of it on a tiger.

- On a what?

- On a tiger.

I would imagine-

lots of tigers and pink elephants too.

- About your cat, Firmin -

- I've been giving a lot of thought to Eden.

Finding a path back to our origins.

Perhaps I'll go and live among the Indians,

like William Blackstone...

stripped of useless trappings.

Unaccommodated man -the thing itself.

You know about Blackstone?

My wife and I are kept awake half the night

with its infernal howling.

- Or don't you hear it?

- Blackstone's a character I've always admired.

He lived peacefully

among the Indians, in, uh -

somewhere in what is now Massachusetts.

But the-the Puritans found him...

and tried to-to coax him back

to a respectable life.

If you don't do something

about your cat, I will.

But Blackstone didn't like the Puritans.

Oh, no. No, he didn't.

He'd have none of them.

So he went further

into the wilderness...

never to be heard from again.

I'll strangle that damn cat

with my bare hands.

Don't worry, Quincey.

Oedipuss only howled for Yvonne.

And she's come back.

- Knock, knock.

- Who's there?

- Cat.

- Cat who?

Cat-astrophe.

[ Giggles ]

Catastrophe who?

Oh, uh, cat-astrophysicist?

- Have a bite of breakfast?

- I already partook.

- You look weary.

- No, I'm fine.

Hah.

You've always done that -

always carefully cradled

your lemon wedges.

So meticulous.

Oh.

[ Sighs ]

Do you remember the names of the months,

the Mayan months?

- Pop.

- Mm-hmm. Uo.

- Zotz.

- Uh, Tzed. Xal.

Yaxkin.

Mac. Isn't there one called Mac?

There's Yax and Zac.

"In receipt of yours, dated Zac the first"?

[ Laughing ]

My favorite was always uayeb-

the poor little month

that only had five days.

I've wanted you back so badly.

I'll do anything.

I'll stop drinking.

I'll do anything for you.

It's us. It's - It's us again.

Oh, Geoffrey!

[ Sighs ]

I'm sorry.

It isn't any good, I'm afraid.

Stay.

[ Moans, Grunts ]

[Door Closes ]

Where are you, old man?

Hello, Hugh.

Yvonne.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Chuckles ]

Well, how absolutely...

something or other.

Geoffrey told me you were here.

Did he?

He did.

You look awfully well.

You too. Quite a get-up.

- Like the Ringo Kid.

- [ Laughs ] With a touch of Savile Row.

- I thought you were in Spain.

- I was.

- What happened?

- What?

Why did you leave?

The war's not over yet, is it?

Why, I was sort of wounded.

Hugh.

On the way to watch the battle for Madrid.

Fell out of an ambulance.

Seven cases of beer and six journalists

fell on top of me.

[ Both Laugh ]

Ah, it's a lost cause by now anyway.

Franco has all the soldiers

and the tanks and the aeroplanes...

and all the Loyalists seem to have

are good songs.

Solo es nuestro deseo

Rumbala, rumbala, rumbala

[ Laughs ]

- When did you get here?

-Just this morning.

Well, where is he-

our monarch?

He's gone out.

For a bottle, I believe.

You just... appeared?

-What?

- No warning.

No, I wrote.

Still I -

I think I...

caught him by surprise.

[ Chuckles ]

- How did he react?

- Glad to see me, I think.

I'm sure he was.

- How do you find him?

- His drinking, you mean?

-Well, yes, his drinking.

- Half the time, I can't tell when he's tight.

He has the constitution

of a bull, you know.

He's gone down, I think.

Well, now you've come back like this...

perhaps he'll stop.

Yeah.

[ Tires Screech ]

[Villagers Chattering ]

Look here, is everything all right?

I say.

I say, what's the matter here?

Nothing. Absolutely all right.

All right? But you were lying down

in the middle of the road.

All right just the same.

Thank you very much.

My dear fellow, you were lying right down here.

I might have run you over.

- Are you sure there's nothing wrong?

- [ Chuckling ] No.

What? Are you sure you're all right?

Oh.

- Haven't I seen you somewhere before?

- Oxford?

- No. Cambridge.

- You're wearing an Oxford tie.

Oh, the tie. That belongs to my cousin.

We're headed for Guatemala.

We're making a little tour of the temples,

don't you know? [Laughs ]

- Splendid country, isn't it?

- Splendid.

Look, are you absolutely sure

there are no bones broken?

No, no bones broken -

[ Groans ]

Oh, my dear fellow.

My dear fellow. Here.

Now, listen.

We are staying at the Bella Vista.

Why don't we pop back to the hotel,

and you can have a little bit of a lie-down?

- No, fine, thank you.

- No?

Well, I always keep something

in the car for emergencies.

Irish. Burke's Irish.

Mmm. Thanks a million.

- No, no. Carry on, my dear fellow. Carry on.

-Ah. Mmm.

[ Moaning ]

Awfully decent of you, old chap.

I say. I know where I last saw you.

You were that chap

who made that speech last night.

- Is that right, old man?

- Quite right.

Didn't really get through to me completely,

but you sounded jolly good.

Look, if you're absolutely sure that you're

feeling all right, I'd better be pushing off.

- Top hole.

- Don't go falling into roads anymore, will you?

- You might get run over or run in. Ha, ha.

- [ Laughs ]

- Bloody awful road, isn't it?

- Dreadful. Dreadful.

Yes, yes. The weather's splendid.

Cheerio.

[Engine Starts ]

Let me know if you're ever

in any kind of jam.

- Tallyho!

- Tallyho!

[Door Closes ]

Hey, Hugh!

You old snake in the grass.

- Hello, Geoff, old man.

- Quite a surprise, huh, Yvonne appearing like this?

Calls for a celebration.

God, I forgot. I haven't got a drop in the house.

What kind of a host does that make me?

I just popped out for the champagne,

bumped into an old college chum.

Maudlin man.

Sit down, you two.

Did you tell Hugh

about your return to the stage?

She's made a comeback.

Great success.

Hugh's looking well, isn't he? Huh?

Mexico agrees with him.

Brown as a berry.

Why, he's been taking

splendid care of me.

And I do believe

results are beginning to show.

I feel strong as a horse.

Strong as a horse.

All due to Hugh's wonder drug.

Kill or cure.

Oh, we could all have a strychnine.

[ Laughs ]

Excuse me, will you?

Uh, I'll, um -

Amuse yourselves

for a few moments.

I'll, uh, tidy up a bit.

Aah.

[Door Closes ]

Yvonne, forgive my asking like this...

but, uh, have you...

really come back to him?

Or what?

I mean, I'd just... like to know

precisely what the situation is.

- So would I.

- You don't know?

Yes. I've come back to him.

All right?

All right?

[ Screaming ]

- Right here, old man.

- Oh, Geoffrey.

Upsy-daisy. There we go.

[ Geoffrey]

Can't stop bouncing about.

- I wonder what this is like.

- Geoffrey!

Not bad. Not bad.

Slightly under proof.

A little like Pernod.

Still, it keeps

the galloping cockroaches at bay.

- [ Murmurs ]

- Oh. Oh!

Into the shower.

[ Screams ]

No hotwater!

[ Shudders ]

Little cockroach on the wall...

ain't you got no one at all?

Ah. Allow me.

Ooh. Oh!

[ Moaning, Shuddering ]

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