Under The Yum Yum Tree Page #11

"And if she speak in her frail way... "

- Hiya!

- Rob!

- "It is wholly to bewitch..." Rob, for God...

- Read it, be-bo!

- Dynamite me! Go, go, go!

- Okay, okay.

"Her body is most beauteous,

being for all things amorous,

"fashioned very curiously

of roses and of ivory.

- "And of all of the... "

- More, more, more!

Rob, for Pete's sake,

take it easy, will you?

"Upon the lovely and keen throat

the strangeness of her face doth float,

"within her eyes is dimly heard,

a wistful and precarious bird. "

- Rob...

- "Springing from fragrant shoulders small

"Ardent and perfect withal,

- "smooth to stroke and sweet to see... "

- For Pete's sake, Rob!

- "As supple as the young tree... "

- Rob...

"Her slim lascivious arms alight.

In skillful wrists which hint of flight. "

- Honey, now look...

- "Each tapering breast

- "is firm and smooth. "

- Well, for goodness sakes, cut that out!

"Her waist is a most tiny hinge of flesh,

- "winsome thing and strange. "

- Sweetheart, look. Wait just a minute.

"It is a throbbing neck whereby

to grasp the belly's ample vase. "

Honey, wait...

- Wait a minute...

- David! We can't!

- Can we?

- Honey...

- Rob.

- David, what's the matter?

Honey, you have the most infuriating

damned sense of timing!

Reminding me about commitment

at a time like this.

You ever hear of shooting fish

in a barrel, huh?

Well, that's you, Rob.

Besides, I don't want some vintner in

Mexico City doing my groundwork for me.

Honey, look, I know your idea is cockeyed,

now that much I know,

but I'm not sure that my idea is any better.

Do you understand?

No.

This is no way to start our marriage.

You're half-pie-eyed on mescal

and I'm... Well, I just can't do it.

I just can't do it.

A perfect setup, fire, music and

I'm walking. I gotta be cracking up.

Or else I love you more than I realized.

Well, hi, there!

Good evening, you sweet thing.

Rob?

Rob, you decent?

Robin?

Hi.

Good morning.

Good morning, David.

I'm taking the extra tube of toothpaste.

That's all right with me.

Rob...

Robin, will you forgive me for last night?

- Forgive you?

- Yeah.

With me sprawling all over you.

Why, I practically attacked you.

Robin, I set it up, don't you understand?

The mescal, the music, the...

Well, I guess it doesn't matter now,

because I'm moving out.

Now, I'm putting you on notice.

All commitments are off.

I love you. I want to marry you, and

I'll do whatever I have to do to get you.

- Is that understood?

- A new start?

A brand new start.

What's the matter?

Well, David, I've got to tell you...

- Tell me what?

- After you left last night,

Hogan came in and, well,

I was in a pretty peculiar state of mind...

- Well...

- I lost my gorilla.

Hogan, please, you're...

We're trying to settle something.

Hogan, if you don't mind,

I'm trying to talk to Dave.

Yeah, well, you kids go right ahead.

- Hogan!

- There he is.

- David, I want to tell you all about last night.

- Robin, you don't have to tell me anything.

You don't have to account to me

or to anybody else.

- I just want to explain...

- Well, I don't want to hear about it.

It is not what you think.

- Yeah?

- Exactly.

Well, at least have the courtesy

to hear me out.

Okay. Okay, I'm listening.

Well...

Well, after you left, Hogan came in

and he was very considerate.

- Yeah.

- And, well, he was very sympathetic.

I'll bet he was.

Well, we sat by the fireplace,

and we were talking and drinking and...

- I guess I was a little tipsy.

- You were potted, is what you were.

Well, I am not trying to use that

as an excuse, David.

- Okay.

- Anyway,

Hogan explained to me that

he thought my plan to live with you

was a rationalization to try and cover up

- a basic desire I couldn't face.

- A basic desire that you couldn't face.

- Yeah, that's my pal, Hogan.

- Anyway, out of nowhere, nowhere,

came this brilliant idea.

If all I wanted was to be made love to...

Yeah, yeah, yeah?

...then the particular fellow didn't matter.

- And whose brilliant idea was that?

- Hogan's.

I remember at the time thinking

how marvelously lucid his mind was.

- It's a beacon in the night.

- Well, considering all we had to drink,

why, I was positively fractured. I couldn't

even hit him once in the pillow fight.

- The pillow fight?

- Yes, the pillow fight.

Well, Hogan was just trying to cheer me up.

- I was awfully depressed, Dave.

- Oh, honey...

Now, David, will you please listen to me?

- Honey, I'm listening. I am listening.

- All right.

Then he kissed me.

He kissed you?

It was very sweet of Hogan

to try and pretend to be so sincere.

And him just a volunteer worker, too.

Well, then we were sitting

on the edge of the bed...

- That does it! That does it!

- David! David!

I haven't the vaguest idea how we got there.

Now, David, you're jumping to conclusions.

Now, what do you think you're doing?

Now, stop that, David!

David! Are you out of your mind?

Why'd you hit him!

Hit him again when he gets up!

Boy, do you pack a wallop!

- David, why would you do that?

- For the sheer ecstatic pleasure of it.

- He's up. Belt him!

- Well...

- You lay a hand on me, and I'll...

- David, nothing else happened.

Yeah! What?

It's the truth. I swear it.

Nothing happened!

Wait a minute... Do you mean to tell me

that you sat over there

and drank with him in the dark

and talked sex by the volume

and let him kiss you and everything

and nothing?

- I kept trying to explain.

- Well...

Hogan, look, I'm sorry.

Perfectly all right, I

deserved every bit of it.

- Yeah, well, I didn't understand.

- Fortunes of war, you know, son.

- How's the eye?

- The eye? The eye's fine.

I'm having trouble with my lip here.

You bit it last night.

- Hogan, I'm sorry, really.

- That's all right. I got another one.

- Well, brother, no hard feelings, huh?

- No.

Come on.

I must say, not every fellow

has such a gentlemanly attitude

towards a man

who just made love to his girl.

Made love to me? You did not!

I would have lied under oath,

but I naturally assumed you'd told him.

Well, there's nothing to tell.

It didn't happen.

It didn't happen.

Well, you had too much to drink.

You're confused, Hogan.

Too much to drink and I'm confused.

She's forgotten completely.

That's just as good as if nothing happened.

- I have not forgotten.

- It's all right, Rob. Forget it!

Well, listen to him,

implying that if it actually had happened,

I wouldn't even know.

- That'd be a gyp, wouldn't it?

- Let's just drop the whole thing.

- I don't...

- Trying to help you.

- What do you want me to say?

- I want you to tell the truth.

You didn't do anything!

I didn't do anything,

nothing at all whatsoever happened.

Okay.

- I didn't?

- Of course not!

Well, you ought to know.

But then again, so should I.

Now, wait a minute, it sure seemed it to me.

I mean, I may not know much, but this

is one thing I've never failed to recognize.

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