Under The Yum Yum Tree Page #9

- Do you follow me? Am I going too fast?

- It sounds irresistible.

A short period of treatment like that

and she is primed for the kill,

if you get the picture.

Do you get any use out of this thing?

What I don't understand is

how you've managed to live so long.

- Unseen forces watch over me.

- Well, your luck just ran out.

What do you mean...

Boy, what is the matter with you?

Why do you do that?

Can't you see I'm trying to help you?

This girl has got cravings and desires

burning deep within her.

- Let her burn!

- It's attitudes like that,

callous attitudes that make it tough on me.

Well, I might as well tell you, I'm sick.

- What?

- I'm sick.

She's going to turn to me to put out

the fire, and I'm sick of playing patsy

to the entire female contingent

of central California.

- You...

- I can't go on like this.

Not again. Look, son, you don't understand.

Look, start your program right away,

as soon as she gets out of the shower.

Show your indifference

by leaving her alone with me.

Welcome to my apartment. I hope you like it,

because I want you to know

that it is available to you at any time.

I mean, you might want to pop over here

and do some homework

or maybe get some uninterrupted sleep.

And I'll just toot along back in

and continue to lavish her with attention.

Of course, that rules me out right away

as a love object, doesn't it?

Here, simple, huh? Bye.

Be careful what you're grabbing there, boy.

Grind away, you little devil

The key to happiness

Please, God.

Irene! Irene! Honey, Irene.

Dave, what happen... Irene!

What happened?

- Dave, what did you do?

- I hit her on the head.

- What? How could you do that?

- With a thing.

- Well, I...

- Irene!

- Can you hear me? Is she dead?

- Irene.

- Irene. Irene, wake up. Wake up.

- What could've happened? She's out cold.

- Wake up, Irene.

- What happened?

- He hit her with something.

- Well, that's ridiculous.

- You stay out of this, Hogan.

- You gotta learn to control that temper.

- I'm telling you...

- Stop shouting.

- Well, then get him out of here.

- What?

- Go get the brandy. Irene.

- Going around poleaxing women like that.

How are you going to be

a successful architect

if you get the reputation

for being a hothead?

- You want to take my advice in this matter?

- Just button your lip

and get out of here, Hogan.

Robin, give me the brandy. Irene.

Dave Manning,

I don't know what's gotten into you.

How could you be so brutal

to a poor woman?

I didn't know it was Irene.

Hitting her over the head with a bottle,

or whatever it is.

I didn't do it on purpose.

What do you think I am?

I'm not sure now.

Well, I find it doesn't pay

to get panicky in these situations.

Women are very tough, you know.

They got much more fiber than you think.

Can I make a suggestion?

The best place for this girl,

obviously, is her own bed, so why don't

you just pick her up and take her home.

And in the meantime, I'll do my level best

to try and calm poor Robin down.

- You are full of helpful ideas, aren't you?

- Why do you... There you go again.

- Now, what's... A simple suggestion.

- I am going to do now, Hogan,

what I should have done

the minute you stuck your nose in our lives.

There you go again,

lack of emotional control.

People are gonna talk about you.

You'd better pull yourself together.

You're going to be a lousy architect.

Lines all zig-zaggy jiggly,

and I don't like the look in your...

Now, come on, fella. Now, come on, baby.

Take your pulse.

How's Irene?

Well, you have been an absolute beast

ever since I came home.

Hitting this poor woman

on the head like that.

Honey, I thought it was Hogan.

Holy smoke...

And then screaming at everybody.

- And why would you want to hit Hogan?

- Why would I...

Oh, boy! Well, I...

- Where is Hogan?

- He left unexpectedly. Irene.

- Well, I'm glad this evening happened.

- You are?

Yes, I am. I've discovered

a whole other side of you I've never known.

- Well, now you know. I'm a raving monster.

- You certainly are.

And with no provocation, either.

Just two nights without sleep,

no dinner, no girl, and this burlesque

of married life you've dreamt up.

Look at this place, honey.

It is a junk heap.

Our little sanctum.

Wasn't that what it was supposed to be?

Where we can reveal ourselves

and exchange deep confidences.

With people walking in and out,

and doors opening and closing,

and a kooky landlord across the hall

with 5,000 keys.

I tell you, lady, it's a nut house.

You are running a loony bin.

You're just terrible.

- Morning, folks.

- Morning.

- How are you this morning?

- Fine.

Here, kitty. Here, kitty. Come on.

That's a good boy.

Come on. Come on. Here it is.

- See you at lunch. And I can't wait.

- I'll bet.

- Hi, Murphy. How are you?

- Couldn't be better, honey.

- Murph!

- Just watering the plants, honey.

Well, stick to your watering.

Mr. Hogan! Not again?

What's wrong with you, boy?

You trying to kill us? Come on.

I don't believe this.

You sure got a funny way

of getting your kicks.

You got a bed.

Why don't you try sleeping in it?

We're running out of towels.

Get you right to bed. That would be better.

Found him in the bushes again.

Sure would like to know

what he does with his evenings. Man!

I am sorry and ashamed

about barging in last night.

I don't know why I thought

Hogan was here bothering you.

No, he was a perfect gentleman.

He brought me home

and went into his apartment.

Well, that doesn't sound like Hogan.

I don't know. I saw the two of you

dancing together,

- and my female instinct just backfired.

- When did Dave leave?

He insisted that I sleep on his cot,

and he went on to the fraternity house.

Well, anyway, the whole thing ended up

in a terrible mess.

We said all sorts of horrible things

to each other last night,

and he probably despises me by now.

- I'm sure he doesn't despise you.

- Well, if he doesn't, he should.

I botched things but good this time.

- Hey, there.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- How's the head?

Not bad. It's even possible the new contour

of my skull may be an improvement.

- You have forgiven me?

- I told you a dozen times.

I just wish your timing had been better,

and you'd beaned Hogan.

Who's that? You mean Brother Hogan

of dear old Delta Chi.

I had a long talk with Robin this morning,

and, well, I know it's none of my business,

but what do you intend doing about her?

Well, I intend to go shopping

for a few special items,

and then I intend to go home

and apologize to her

and spend a quiet evening

with the girl I love.

There's something about the tone

of your voice, David Manning.

What do you mean, "quiet evening"?

Well, Irene, that's really

none of your business, now.

I feel myself somewhat responsible for her.

Now, what are your intentions?

Miss Wilson, I am a guy in love.

Now, I'm going to do

what any normal male would do.

I'm going to have a quiet little drink

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