Undercover Brother Page #2

which freed the slaves.

All right,

name two things lately.

Damn it, It doesn't matter

what party!

This could be the first step

on the road to putting

an African-American

in the White House.

It's a great day

for black people of all races.

- General:
"Good morning. "

- Think about it!

I've thought long and hard about how

I can best serve my country

now that I'm no longer in uniform.

Well, today...

I am proud to announce

that I will be...

opening a chain

of fried chicken restaurants.

General Boutwell!

Yes, sir.

So, you're passing up a chance

to be President

to open a chicken joint?

A man like me doesn't have

any business in politics.

They say you should

always do what you know.

And what I know

is good fried chicken.

- Ohh...

- GeneraI:
"Yes, ma'am. "

Don't you think your supporters

in the African-American community

will be particularly disappointed?

Not after they taste

the General's fried chicken.

General:
Surrender, Colonel,

here comes the General.

- "Will there be side dishes?"

- Sweet potatoes...

black-eyed peas,

- "mashed potatoes, macaroni... "

- Mmm.

cornbread,

and the General's special...

hot sauce!

That's all for today.

Thank you very much.

Nice to see you all.

Reporter:

General, what about desert?

You know, he does have a

point about that Colonel.

I never trusted

the ColoneI!

Slaves cooked that chicken!

Ain't no white man know

about no 16 herbs

and spices and giblets!

Smart Brother,

if you so damn smart,

- "why don't you explain"

what just happened?

If I wanted to hear something stupid,

- I'd ask this skinny black ass!

- In your face!

Skinny black- Hey!

We got to find out exactly what happened

to the General, and fast!

I'll get right on it.

Whoa, hold on.

Not that fast. We need

some new blood on this case.

What? Who? You can't just hire

some fooI off the streets.

Watch me.

Get me Undercover Brother!

Ooh, too funky for myself.

Man on TV:
You were the

only man outside the palace.

- "I was outside. "

- Jimmy!

- But I wasn't the only one.

- "Jim Kelly!"

- It is not possible.

- Watch out for the hand! Watch out for the hand!

Gets you every time!

Spinning back-kick!

I think I'll lay down

and get me a little bit

of sleep.

Don't touch the hair!

Okay, Bruce Leroy,

turn around.

Slowly.

If you gonna shoot me,

shoot me.

Thank you, Jesus.

Hmm.

Dig it.

You that Sistah GirI

from the bank, huh?

I guess you like

what you saw earlier.

Look, baby, let's stop fooling around.

Your body's slammin',

let's get to jammin'.

Excuse me?

Oh, nothing relaxes a brother

after a hard day of going undercover

like a little piece of the cookie.

Goddamn. My cookie

would break you in half.

Maybe, but that would be

some long division.

Long.

You hit me pretty good,

but I wasn't ready.

Now, any time you think you

want to get feisty or throw down-

So, Sistah Girl,

if you're not here

for Undercover Lover,

you must be here

for Undercover Brother.

What, pray tell,

can I do for you today?

Sistah GirI:

Okay, we're here. Now be cool.

- "This place is top secret. "

- Undercover Brother: "Solid. "

Man:

Man, you know you ain't right.

Whoo-oo!

I'm gonna need

my custom shears

for this masterpiece.

CarefuI. Puncture him

and the hot air's liable to kill you.

- Sistah GirI:
"Take a seat. "

- "Don't mind if I do. "

- We're gonna hook you right up.

- Holy funkadelic!

This is some kind

of secret organization

you have here.

Look at all this hi-tech

spy equipment.

You got clippers,

you got T.C.B. activator.

I mean, your only competition

must be the K.G.B.

Or the F.B.I.

Who the hell are you, woman?

You're the Grim Reaper!

I don't want to go to hell!

I ain't never did

nothing but good!

I swear to God

I ain't done nothing wrong!

Oh, come on.

The flashing light and fan

make the drop seem worse than it is.

I knew that.

Mm-hmm.

Computerized voice:

Entering secure area.

Stand here.

Right here?

Computer:

Blackness confirmed. You got soul.

What I'm about to show you

few people have ever seen before.

Would Agent Jefferson please pick up

the black courtesy phone?

Agents report

to the ready room.

Welcome

to the Brotherhood.

Solid.

Yes, I know.

I really don't want to talk about this

over the telephone.

Perhaps we could meet

at a secret location?

Okay. No, that sounds great.

All right. Revolution.

Take care.

Man:

"The revolution will not be televised. "

- This is Undercover Brother.

- Hey, how you doing?

Good morning!

Good morning?

Get on the desk!

You brought

a spy around me?!

Spy in the building!

- Don't touch the 'fro.

- Back up off!

- Back up off "me!"

- Let me tell you something about the word "good. "

Good is an ancient

Anglo-Saxon word.

Go-od, meaning

the absence of color,

i. e.-

"It's all good,"

which it is,

or "Good Will Hunting,"

meaning,

"I'm hunting niggas!"

So if you say "good morning" to me,

you're saying,

"I'm gonna kill your black ass

first thing in the morning!"

- "Is that that damn Undercover Brother?!"

- You in trouble.

- Where the hell have you been?!

- Hey.

This is a job, not some kind

of damn summer camp!

And I'm tired of you

disrespecting me!

Give me one good reason

why I shouldn't fire your sorry ass!

Because I don't work for you?

Shut up!

Save your smart comments

for the chunky brother in the smock!

Now get in my office!

Congratulations, Mr. Feather.

Thank you, Mister...

The Man.

As you can see,

the GeneraI is totally under our controI.

The Man:

Yes, our little experiment was a success.

In fact, I've decided to use the General

to launch "Operation Whitewash. "

Fabulous. I'll inform Multinational

to step up production.

The only thing standing

in our way is the Brotherhood.

And they won't be a problem,

will they, Feather?

No, sir.

Good.

Uh, will they, Feather?

"New one from Britney-"

## "Oh-oh" ##

## "Ooo-mmm" ##

## "Let's get it crunk upon,"

"have fun upon" ##

## "Up in this dancery" ##

## "We got ya open, now ya floatin'" ##

## "So you gots to dance for me" ##

## "Come on, everybody, get on up" ##

## "'Cause you know we got"

"to get it crunk" ##

What am I doing?!

And that's why we believe

there's got to be

some connection between

the GeneraI's announcement and The Man.

Come on, y'all.

Y'all telling me there's really "a" Man?

What do you think,

Undercover Brother?

If that is your real name.

You think things

just happen by accident?

No! Sometimes people,

mostly white people,

make things happen.

That's where we come in

and our never ending struggle

against The Man,

a. k.a. Whitey,

a. k.a. Mr. Charlie,

a. k.a. Honky McGee.

So, the conspiracies we've believed

for all these years are really true?

The N.B.A. really instituted

the three-point shot

to give white boys a chance?

Smart Brother:
Absolutely.

So the entertainment industry

really "is" out to get Spike Lee.

- Is that right?

- Come on, man!

Even Cher got an Oscar.

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