Undercover Brother Page #3

Cher-rr!

And O.J. really

didn't do it?

Let's just move on,

shall we?

Holy moly, looks like

the Source Awards in here.

Ow!

It does now.

- Hurting.

- Who's that?

Sistah GirI:

Oh, this is Lance, our intern.

Lance, this is

Undercover Brother.

What's happening?

Whas-ssup?!

Okay, how did

the white boy get a job

here at the Brotherhood?

Sh*t. What can I tell you?

Affirmative action.

What? Here we go.

Oh, boy.

Open up the window.

It's getting all racial

up in this piece.

Look here,

Undercover Brother,

now that

you're working for us,

you're gonna need to memorize

our rules and regulations.

Trim the hair, and for God's sake,

get rid of the clothes.

Slow your roll, Chief.

You know, I respect

what y'all are doing here

at the Brotherhood,

but I'm a firm believer in

everybody should do their own thang.

## What a boy wants,

what a boy needs ##

## Whatever... ##

## Free... ##

Okay, he should never

do his own thang.

I'm getting too old

for this sh*t.

Conspiracy Brother: I said, "You'd better

open the bank and give me my money. "

Yeah?

"It's my money.

I don't care whose bank it is!"

Right.

I know whose money is in

it. I'm keeping it reaI.

- That's all I'm saying.

- Hi, Conspiracy Brother.

"Hi"?

What you mean, "Hi"?

Like, "Hi, y'all

want to be white?"

High, like the white man

wants to keep us? Huh?

You don't smell

no weed on me, did you?

Hey, brother, can I get a list

of the words

that trigger these fits?

Man, you really need

to relax.

- Go see a movie.

- A movie?

A movie.

Come on, man!

So I can fall in love

with some cute black man

that teaches white people everything

they know about the shrimp industry

before they kill him

"Hey, why don't you walk down

that tunnel, black man?

Hey, black man,

turn on the generator.

This dinosaur is out there.

Hey, black man, look out.

He's got a gun!"

Oh! I'm hit!

But my vest caught it, b*tch!

Yes, I'm alive!

I told you to keep your finger

off the trigger of that thing!

I'm cool, everybody.

- Undercover Brother, please.

- "Go on back to work. "

- Sorry about all that.

- "I sh*t on myself!"

I have a couple

of things for you.

Here are your shoes. I took the

liberty of making a few modifications.

Whoo!

And now, am I correct in

assuming that the Cadillac

that was double-parked

in the parking lot belongs to you?

Smart Brother,

that is not just a Caddy.

That is a Cadillac

Coupe DeVille.

Conspiracy Brother: Y'all don't give

a sh*t about me! I need a sponge bath.

Smart Brother:

That's an orange soda dispenser.

And a crossover amp

and subwoofer for your eight-track.

Ah, man. Smart Brother,

you's a bad mother-

Shut your mouth!

Enjoy, huh?

All right.

Big car, big hair, big necklace.

Someone is clearly

overcompensating.

First of all, you forgot about

my big, black, fuzzy balls.

And secondly,

this is not a necklace,

it's a medallion

given to me by my father

so I never forget who I am

or what I stand for.

I don't need no gold.

Don't need no jewels.

- The medallion

keeps me cooI. You dig?

Chief:
"Sistah Girl,"

Undercover Brother, come in.

What it is, Chief?

We've just discovered

that the General is playing golf

with some of Multinational's

head honchos.

Now, you get yo ass down there

and see what you can find out!

And by the way,

Undercover Screw Up,

don't let me catch your black ass

in the news again.

You hear me?!

I want you to blend in!

Chiefie, baby,

I'm a master of disguises.

I can blend in like a good weave.

- "Say, where's that caddy?"

- "I don't know. "

Oh, there he is.

Uh... um-

Jah mon, rasta.

"Nice shot. "

Sistah Girl,

the camera's up.

Would anyone like

some fried chicken?

Mm-mmm.

Sistah GirI:

Mr. Feather.

Undercover Brother?

We're definitely

on the right track.

That's the number one

flunkey of The Man.

I'm gonna report to the Chief,

find out what he wants to do.

That cat'll be long gone

by that time.

This thing's

going down now, baby.

This is strictly

an observationaI mission.

We are not authorized

to take action.

Well, observe this.

Action is what

Undercover Brother's all about.

Hmm. Rasta man.

Oh, the mind control

formula is complete.

- "Who's there?"

- "Kung!"

Kung who?

Kung fool!

Ow, my wrist.

Help! Thief!

There's a thief here!

- What the hell is your problem?

- Give me back my things!

Thief!

Hey, give me that back!

Hey!

Hold it!

Holy Motown.

- Come on.

- You don't want to mess with me, man!

I had 'em, baby.

Yeah, I saw.

Come on, let's go!

Come on!

Stop where you are!

This is security!

- Do not move!

- Quick! This way!

Aw, hell, they moved.

Do it.

Code 37.

Oh-oh!

- Is he crazy?

- Okay, slow down!

"Slow, slow, slow. "

Hey, slow down

over there, people!

Hold the wheel, baby.

- No! No!

- Oh, no!

Oh, jeez!

Too fast!

Losing control!

- There's got to be another way out of here.

- "Hold it!"

Thanks for the lift.

Smart Brother:
A spectral

analysis has ironically confirmed

traces of poultry

on Mr. Feather.

This proves that

The Man must be behind

Multinational Inc. 's deal

with the General.

I don't get it. What does The

Man got to do with fried chicken?

Is that his big plan,

to get black people to eat junk food?

Open your eyes,

Undercover Brother!

This has to do with

discrediting the GeneraI.

That is the white man's tactic.

He don't want

no black President.

You've seen it

all through history.

They never give

black men credit.

Jesus Christ...

black man.

Babe Ruth...

black man.

Madonna!

Sleeps with black men.

Think about it.

So the GeneraI

sold out to The Man.

I don't think

it's that simple.

When you're dealing

with The Man, it never is.

Our only choice here

is to infiltrate Multinational Inc.

Then we can find out

what happened to the General.

It'll be a very

dangerous assignment.

It'll be your most

vigorous training yet.

You're gonna have to think and act

just like a tight-butt white man

with a 401K plan

and a country club membership.

So pay attention.

Here...

have a bite of this...

sandwich.

How did you know I was hungry?

I ain't eat nothing

this morning.

- You trying to kill me?

- If you're going to pass in white America,

you are going to have

to learn to like mayonnaise!

No!

Listen...

if you're ever forced

to eat this mayonnaise,

simply press the button

on this side of the watch.

It delivers a rather liberaI

spritzing of hot sauce.

One blast should be enough

to make Caucasian food edible.

Well, it works on grits.

Now, since time

is of the essence,

I developed a device

that allows you

to absorb the whole

of white culture

in mere seconds

using subliminal imagery.

I call it...

Caucasiavision.

Hey, I feel like George Clinton.

## We want the funk. ##

Turn it on.

## Here we go one more time ##

## "Everybody's feeling fine" ##

- ## "Here we go now" ##

- ## "Yes, yes, here we go" ##

- ## "'N Sync has got to flow... " ##

- No!

## "Get to the beat,"

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